The first time Humans had come to the Slice was via the mad science, or more likely the blind luck, of one Doctor Jeffrey Harrigan. He'd been able to open a door between Earth and this place.

The door, however, was tiny. All he could do was shove a kind of fake version of himself through, then build what he could with 3d-printed assets. His camp was all white plastic, because printer filament was all he could get over here.

I walked up the hill to his cathedral, one of many ruined structures on his bargain-basement island headquarters. There were a few of the Human gen-pop campers following me, watching me from afar.

The end of the long gray cathedral had a little secret door, a kind of hidden room, and there was the Pipe.

It was a cheap special effect, missing only matte lines from inept greenscreen color keying. A simple line a foot long, wiggling slightly from left to right. It had caused a lot of trouble, so I'd closed it with my Magic grabby hands as best I could. But I had to open it today.

I closed the hidden cathedral; I didn't want the Humans knowing about this thing. They couldn't have done anything with it but hurt themselves. The less Humans are involved with dangerous objects the better.

I was able to pry the Pipe open. As I did, a fierce wave of despair flooded the room, real pain. Human misery, something I couldn't have detected before Schmendrick's lessons. That pain had drawn lots of trouble when Harrigan had been here. I had to close it when I was done here, or Lovecraftian monsters with all sorts of horror would show up over the horizon.

"Doctor, I'm pretty sure you can hear me."

"Doctor Harrigan jumped in his wheelchair. His rheumy eyes widened. And now, Count Basie and his Orchestra performing Open the Door, Richard." A silly song began playing beneath the Radio's narration.

"Am I dreaming," came the raspy, terribly old voice of Harrigan.

"No. It's Owen Walsh, your hated nemesis on the phone. How you feeling?"

"Rotten. Are you sure this is a real thing that's happening?"

"Afraid so, Doctor Jeff. I can call back later if you're full of painkillers."

"No, just old. What do you want?"

"The Slice, you know, this place. It was invaded by military force today."

He laughed, wheezing and coughing. "That's right. They took my idea and finally funded it and I don't get a goddam cent." He sighed. "Not surprised, really."

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I was impressed that he had all his marbles. "They talked to you. They learned about us here."

"That they did. How'd the invasion go? Did they do it at the Taco Bell site or the Circle K?"

"Taco Bell. Showed up with drones and guns and soldiers, started building permanent structures, not just a camp."

"Yeah? Did they blow everything up, clap you in irons, and now you're talking to me as punishment?"

"We took their camp apart, confiscated their weapons and stole their technology."

He laughed, laughed with genuine joy, so much he started wheezing and hacking again. "You … You show 'em, Owen. How's Sean?"

"He's okay. He's being a leader for the Humans here. I'm trying to help him out but…they suck."

"I…you're a good boy. Sean hates me. The Sean here on Earth, not Camper Sean. He never talks to me. He won't let me see my grandkids or great grandkids or great-greats. He doesn't like me."

"No offense, Doctor, but you're a monster."

"I really am, yeah? So why the call? Not that I'm complaining. Nobody talks to me, even elder-care companion AI hates me."

"Is this an actual military operation funded by the U.S. Government?"

"It is. They call it Galt's Gulch, from Atlas Shrugged, yeah? No? Anyway they need a place for richies to live; Earth is dying faster than they'd thought. Tornadoes everywhere, all the time, and that's just one problem. No agriculture. Fighting over water."

"When I was on Earth, the oligarchs were building bunkers. I remember New Zealand being a thing."

"Nuked by Bezos to get at Zuck." He cackled, an old man noise. "The warhead had that smiling Amazon logo on it."

Nukes.

"Still there?" he said anxiously.

"I wasn't expecting billionaires nuking each other, Doctor."

"Only way it could have gone. I remember once you and I had a talk: you said Humans are just animals that won't use their brains to be people, but to be more brutal animals."

"What did you tell them about us?"

"Everything. I wanted to feed them into the meat grinder, and that's you. I'll bet you didn't even kill any of them, yeah?"

"No need. The military isn't what it used to be."

"When you're right you're right. But…soldiers have it rough here. And everyone who isn't rich is a soldier. It's the only source of food and clean water."

"Doctor…you didn't have to tell me this. You're pretty awful usually."

"I am. And you have my blessing." He sounded stronger. Younger. Cold.

I swallowed. I'd been afraid of this man, not so long ago. I remembered it clearly. "Blessing?"

His voice rang. "Do your worst. Humans are done. Be the killing stroke. Put us out of our misery and make it quick."

And then, the oddest thing. His voice changed, became sly, persuasive. "Or. OR! Or do the other thing, yeah? Oh man, I gotta go, someone's–."

The Radio: "Doctor Harrigan had ended the conversation."

The other thing.

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