The best person in the world was under repair. Her name was Mandy Nakahara.

Mandy was, essentially, a goddess. She'd defeated cosmic horrors beyond comprehension with sheer brute force, cunning, savagery and, as far as I knew, cuteness.

She'd saved my life, the lives of everyone in the Feast of Fools, time and again.

She was the apple of my eye. My Human readers might understand, but probably not. I wasn't fond of humans today. I was, however, fond of Mandy. She was … I won't go on. Mandy was just the best.

I know what you're thinking, Human readers. If this girl is Human, and you're not a big fan of Humanity, what gives?

Here's my answer, and I've thought about it a lot: shut up and mind your own business.

I lay on the metal floor, looking up at the network of machines and pipes that made the ceiling. I was leaning against the tank we'd popped her in. The Stew Pot, Gary called it.

"How much longer?" she asked me over the Radio.

"We're regrowing a lot of nerves from scratch. We found a recipe for synthetic stem cells from the olfactory mucosa to promote axonal regeneration."

Her voice was doubtful. "Are you just making that up?"

"No! Me, Gary, the Radio, and the Aegis Medelae formulated this. It works on pretty much every autotrophic chordate. The Ari Maspai used it all the time, and they were…well, they had spines and bones. Similar to that stuff, anyway."

"Autotrophic chordate, that's me," she muttered. "Meanwhile I'm in here like…a lava lamp."

The tank was actually a series of tanks, all linked with an intricate network of pipes and conduits. I couldn't see her in there, but the Aegis told me she was doing fine. I was forbidden from seeing her in there with my own eyes. Too much nudity, she'd said. As if there could be such a thing.

"I don't know how long, could be days, could be weeks. It won't hurt anymore, not like…you know. But you'll be able to be you again. Walk around. Eat actual food."

"Or do whatever," she said.

"Or do whatever." I may have been blushing a little. "Skiing, for example."

"Oh, skiing, of course. Big fan of skiing, very popular here in the tropics. I might want to try some other kind of vigorous physical activity. I just can't think of any."

Okay, I was blushing a lot. "Sometimes I think you enjoy seeing me ill at ease, Ms. Nakahara."

"Ridiculous! What I want to know: how come you can do Schmendrick's Magic to disarm all those guys, but you just ran away from the one you found in the Taco Bell?"

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"I…well, I forgot I could do it."

She chuckled. "Maybe write it on your hand or something."

"Yes, Mandy. I was meaning to ask you: the Radio mentioned something called transcendence. One day a civilization just up and vanishes, leaving its stuff lying around. You've seen a lot more of this place than we have. What do you think of the idea?"

"Definitely happens, one hundred percent. I've lost count of empty cities above and below the water, some floating in the sky. When I first … became this, sometime maybe a year ago? I went looking for someone still around. Nobody. Just ghost town after ghost town."

"Are we it? Are we the only people on this world at the moment?"

"No way. Just listen to the Radio, it's spying on all sorts of other people. This world is much, much bigger than the Earth. Plenty of room for other civilizations, it's just a matter of talking to them. Or, better idea: avoiding them."

"How do you get a planet that's huge but the gravity isn't crushing us? How does the atmospheric pressure work, wouldn't gravity squish breathable air down to–"

"Yeah yeah, pretty smart, Owen. Were you this smart on Earth?"

"Never felt smart. School never worked no matter how hard I tried."

"What I'm asking you is: would you have considered gravitational effects on a four-dimensional sphere, or come up with a way to fix spinal damage with synthetic alien stem cells? Is that something you would have done on Earth to ask a girl out?"

"I was pretty shy around girls."

"Unlike now." The smile in her voice again. "The longer we're here the more like ourselves we become."

We thought about it. "Ticking clock," I said.

"I guess that's what I'm saying."

I liked bouncing ideas off of her. We'd been doing this for a little while now and it always helped. "I had an incident this morning with the campers, because they kind of suck. Any suggestions?"

"Are they bothering you, or are they bothering the guys?"

"No. Maybe. Nevermind."

"Was this something where they threw you into a volcano and laughed about it while you flame-broiled? And you just shrugged?"

"Forget I asked."

"But then some dumbass looked like he thought something unkind at Schmendrick or her babies and you declared that sumbitch DEAD I want him DEAD his entire FAMILY DEAD!" She snorted laughter.

"I never do that."

"You don't do anything else! Ever." Her voice was warm.

Oh goodness. I was blushing again. I couldn't think of anything snarky, and there was a lump in my throat anyway.

"But you could give them a chance," she said. "I know that neither of us had a great time on Earth. It's hard to get past that, but I think you could give these people a chance."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Yeah. Okay, yeah. Thank you for that. It could work out."

"Probably not, they'll disappoint you and break your heart, let's be real here."

I smiled. "And then we can do this thing Gary wanted with flesh-eating bacteria."

"That man is a professional. I'm getting tired–"

She zonked out midsentence. It happened a lot at this stage.

A chance.

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