Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

Book 1 - Chapter 50 - Meatballs & Power Ups


"They grow up so fast," Mary sniffed and wiped a fake tear from her gray eyes. Beepy spun in tight circles on her desk and struck an even more dramatic pose. The little drone had changed drastically. His new, shinier frame shined, and his dances made him look like he was auditioning for a show.

"To witness such rapid evolution!" Gravewhistle slammed a fist onto the table and let out a full mouthed grunt before swallowing the pasta. "Such a glorious ascension of form. It stirs my soul and rattles my guts. Do it again, Beepy! Show us your ascension made manifest!" He then shoveled another helping of miniature meatballs and pasta, or polpettine as it had been labeled, into his porcelain mouth.

Alex sat against Emilio, who was in full bread loaf mode. The cat had vacuumed up one of the three tupperwares of ear shaped pasta covered in miniature meatballs and covered in parmesan so fast Alex was momentarily concerned. Now the cat was purring and kneading one of Mary's pillows. The pillow looked like it was already falling apart.

Mary leaned into Alex. "He's showing off, you know. But I can feel through our link that he's much stronger," she finished proudly.

"I encourage it," Alex smiled and moved his own half tupperware of pasta around with a fork. He and Mary had split one, with Gravewhistle claiming his own due to 'performance bonuses'. Beepy and Zippy didn't really eat. 'He deserves the attention. Show us again, Beepy."

Zippy agreed from where he hovered in the corner with an electronic noise that sounded distinctly like 'Again, again!"

___

Beepy revved his Core, which he could totally feel now, and posed for his friends and family. They were cheering him on. Him! One hand up, all metal and hand shaped now, with his new legs posed just so. The upgrade helped him add more dramatic flair.

He wasn't just some janky drone now. He was sleek, dangerous, poised. His head actually looked like a head. Not just a metal tube with a screw hole where his eye sat. There were little vents, working legs, and he had a nice little v taper for a body. Zippy thought he looked like a transformer, and he felt like one too. He spun like a robotic dancer, and Mary, his bonded friend, clapped and laughed.

Gravewhistle shouted something about glory and honour, and Emilio let out a cheer meow. Alex roared, and the room felt euphoric. Sure, the evolution had stung like he'd been dropped into battery acid, but it was worth it. His Core felt smooth and clear. He could think bigger and sharper. His little chest puffed with pride and extended his new fingers. Just to make sure he wasn't dreaming, he pulled up his System notification.

[Title: Dungeon Doula]

[You were involved in the unplanned creation of a Dungeon. Whether this was intentional or a result of simply hanging out with the wrong crowd remains unclear. Congratulations! You caused a local catastrophe!]

[+25% Drama and attention to all poses, +25% Core Growth]

[Sub-Title: Womb of War (Unlocked)]

[Progress to Mini-Mech Evolution: 100%]

[Skill Assertained: Volt Whip - Level 1]

[Next Milestone: Defeat a Really Meanie Bobeanie Enemy]

You have been selected by the System to balance the scales. Act accordingly and follow your heart, Beepy. Continue on your martial path and you shall be rewarded.

[Progress to Next Mech Evolution: 0%]

It was real. A meanie bobeanie enemy? Yes. Yes, he wanted that. He would whip them. Show this System thing he could do it. He would whip the enemies with his friends and family. His Core was tired from so many [Volt Whips], but he wanted to show off a little bit. He finally felt officially cool.

Something clicked inside him, and lightning popped out of his hand. The light beam ripped, and grasped a coat rack. Beepy squeezed something else inside him, and he flew across the room. Flew! Was dragged by lightning? Whatever it was, he flew over and landed on the coat rack that burned from his Skill, landed gracefully, extended his hand and another [Volt Whip] beamed out of him towards the table. A glass shattered, but that was OK. He shot back, so fast he felt his body vents cooling, and landed perfectly.

They all clapped. Gravewhistle, that weird Gnome, clutched his chest like he was watching a hero's origin story. His brother Zippy hollered in binary at him from the corner, only delighted in his progress. Mary and Alex clapped and yelled. Emilio meowed and blinked at him. Why not add a little flip?

Beepy did a backflip on Mary's cluttered table and spoke to them all in his new robot voice. That was what he was most proud of. He could speak now. "NEXT STOP. FIND THE MEANEST BOBEANIEST ENEMY AND ZAP THEM. WITH STYLE."

__

"Aha! You should come and join us with your brother on the fields of glory!" Gravewhistle bellowed and spit sauce everyone. The garden gnome barely managed to chew between words. "We attack Don Badger Friday at dawn again!"

Beepy struck a battle ready pose with one hand extended. Zippy emitted excited beeps from his corner from where he hovered.

"Yes!" Gravewhistle continued with a fistfull of noodles thrown to the air. The gnome had refused all cutlery. "For sun and shade! Steep yoursend in the sacred flow of battle alongside brother Zippy. He agrees, yes?"

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"Or, and hear me out, hear me out," Mary added and looked evil in her oversized hoodie and pajamas. "He helps us again really crush those Krushers. We hit another one of their hideouts. This time with less Dungeon creating, and more…real explosions. They can't just TAKE Dungeon Bosses. No. Not happening. A little explosions should help..."

"Sensible and strategic!" Gravewhistle stopped mid chew. "But first, Alex, accompany me and his Girthship Emilio to the Allen Garden. As our operatives reported, we've captured two of their agents. They await in custody for your–"

"Prisoners. We must get the answers from them. Get that info." Mary sat up. Alex's stomach churned a bit from that. He was having a great time celebrating Beepy. He'd already told them about Professor Neuronium's discovery, and his meeting with Snu tomorrow. Mary had been livid about what she'd heard. Gravewhistle had already affirmed the garden gnomish assistance when Alex called.

"The prisoners? They are fed and watered," Gravewhistle nodded and waved a hand. "One of my wives, Petunia, says they've made themselves quite at home. The garden gnome way is delightful, but they won't share a peep. Silent as our unawakened brethren we protect," He rubbed sauce into his chin without realizing. "We may need Emilio to show them his true opulent power, hmm…"

At mention of his name, Emilio let out a gut flexing grunt. He didn't even meow. Alex assumed that meant he would be where needed. To terrify and smite those who needed smiting. Alex just scritched Emilio's head, and the large cat continued in his purring.

"What about the Professor, Alex?" Mary bumped him. "Any updates? I know you messaged him. Message him again? See if they brought that Adventurer back? See if he's OK?"

"I can't just spam a Dungeon Boss, Mary. Really, I shouldn't even be messaging Dungeon Bosses. What if he's fighting them off like right now? Plus…"

"Hello, you already do message a Dungeon Boss? Try and get into their chats next time. Come on man, think! Infiltrate!" she countered and poked him with her fork.

"Yeah, but I'm like…dating her. I think. At least, I think we're dating after we robbed that gashapong store. Besides, she's not in the chats according to the Professor. We're talking tomorrow night," Alex answered. Beepy and Zippy were listening intently at mention of the Professor.

"HIGH. LEVEL. MECH…COOL." Beepy said in his robot voice. When Alex had recounted what he'd been through in the past couple days, the drones were most interested in the Professor. Because of course they were. The Dungeon Boss was an advanced mech, while they were still developing.

Gravewhistle, who had begun licking his own saucy fingers, cleared his throat. "And do not forget, comrades, the Tax Guild was smelling around the perimeter. So far, they do not know of us watching them. But…you're romantic escapades have drawn their eye."

Alex groaned. It was all so much. He slumped further against Emilio and thought of what to do. "Great. Krushers, and now my love life is somehow wrapped up with tax surveillance. Isn't that fantastic?"

"Hey, all those loot sales yesterday and today were taxed! We're good on that front, at least…" Mary added. That was right. When Alex had been info dumping onto everyone, Mary had made sure to transfer him his take of the loot sales from Jemin's and her sales. Money always sweetens anxiety. He pulled it up just to make sure that he wasn't shit broke. A day at work, plus the loot sales, and things were looking up in that department.

[CREDITS: 773 -> 1921]

Nice, at least I can make rent. Maybe buy something to help us in the next little bit.

"I have long learned," Gravewhistle said sagely while pushing his empty tupperware container aside, "that love, war, and a healthy amount of tax fraud are the three pillars of any great story."

Where did he even keep a pound of pasta in that body? Alex thought as he munched.

Emilio looked back at Alex and blinked at him slowly. He was pretty sure that meant, None of this concerns me, but I got you. Alex patted his cat.

"Tomorrow morning, before work," Alex finally said. "We head to Allen Gardens. You OK with that Mary, Beepy, Zippy?" The trio gave the OKs, with Beepy and Zippy trying to play it as cool as possible. They were practically vibrating at the thought of another potential mission. Alex guessed Zippy wanted to gain some strength, and Beepy was eager to show off and keep growing himself. Emilio purred louder under Alex's hand.

"It'll be fiiiiiine," Mary said dismissively as Beepy mimicked her motions with his new body. "What's a shitty clan got on us? We got a giantess we have to protect, a horde of Gnomes, whatever the fuck Emilio is, and our smarts." She tapped the side of her head.

"I know, I know," Alex forked another bite. "We do what we can. We work together and figure out how to get closer to the Krushers to stop them, or whatever they're doing. Question them. Emilio," the cat gut-grunted again. "We might need you to go super sayan," Another affirmative grunt. "Make sure we don't die on the way. Easy peasy."

"LEMON. SQUEEZY." Beepy added.

That made Alex laugh as he chewed the pasta that Nina had packed. Each of the tupperwares had been perfectly hot when he got home. Miniature meatballs, polpettine, seasoned perfectly, had been sauteed and mixed in with perfectly tangy sauce that clung to each delicate curve of meat. The sauce and meatballs clung to every expertly cooked ear-shaped pasta. Everyone had moaned when they first tasted it, and Alex's stomach had stopped growling. Sure, there was a lot to do, and the Krushers were no joke. But with his belly full, and his friends and cat around him, the world didn't seem so terrifying.

"ALEX." Beepy said suddenly. "CAN YOU. TELL ME ABOUT. PROFESSOR? MECH? THE MARTY? BIG MECH?"

Alex grinned and wiped his mouth. "You mean Professor Neuronium?"

"YES," Beepy said and Zippy chimed as well. "THE ONE. WHO IS LIKE US. BUT WITH. COOLER ARMAMENTS." Zippy flew over and hovered beside his brother.

"Technically, he's a Professor, a Dungeon Boss, and I'm pretty sure they're classified as war criminals."

The boys buzzed excitedly.

That reminded him. Alex reached and grabbed his loot bag. It was stuffed full from his shift, and would hopefully net him some good Credits. "Actually," he said while digging through it. "The Professor gave me something."

Alex found the two tips he had special ordered for Zippy and Beepy. He had figured at the time, what would be the most useful thing this mech lizard could have that would help those around me? Well, a Silver Grade Dungeon Boss who happened to be a mech, and controlled mech would surely have some upgrades for the boys.

He pulled the pair of tips out, and Zippy and Beepy let out a long SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP before leaping and tackling him, pulling the Relic out of his hand. Emilio grunted and meowed.

Things are pretty good, after all.

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