Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

Book 1 - Chapter 48 - Cantaloupe & Prosciutto


"Melone," Cantaloupe Nino said while holding the glistening orange slice of fruit in front of Alex's face.

"e prosciutto," Nina added while floating in next to her husband to stick the slice of cured meat in his view. "Serve equilibrio in tutto." You need balance in everything. She took the cantaloupe from Nino's meaty fingers and wrapped the prosciutto around it before offering the strange combination to Alex. He accepted it from his stool from which he sat and took a bite.

The moment the treat hit his tongue, his shoulders dropped a full inch and part of his anxiety melted away. The cantaloupe was soft but firm, with sweet syrupy juices only possible in a midsummer harvest. Salt from the prosciutto complimented the melon perfectly, melting on his tongue and starting his jowls. Alone, they would have been delicious. Together, the tastes melded together for a snack that settled his nerves and gave him just the right amount of pep. There wasn't any notification. It was just a tasty summer treat after a Dungeon delivery to Neuronium.

"Like this," Nina gestured with her chin at the melon as she wiped her hands on a flowery dishrag that floated over. "Everything have balance. Food and mouth know balance easy. World? Good and bad? Not so much." She twirled her hand and another pizza pulled itself out of the oven and slotted into a floating box. Another delivery he'd have to make slotted on the waiting orders. He really needed to get moving, but figured since they weren't pushing him yet, they were going to be simple ones he could make in time.

Hopefully…

"Dungeon, world, people, Familiar, Clan, Guild…Lich," Nino said as he looked at Nina with a little smile. "All need balance. Even when world doesn't act like it. Is why I helped Neurnioioio…," Nino struggled to say Neuronium, "It is why I help professor early on. I see little baby lizard – big idea, maintain place I like, create strange beauty. Run Dungeon and get stronger. Just needed a little help to protect his corner of world. It was just breadah board or something. Big box though. Good to see some of it come back with your tip." He then gave Nina the most loving and knowing smile he'd seen yet before winking at Alex. "And her? We keep her around. World too dark without Nina. Even if she–,"

"Eh! Stai muto!" Shut up! Nina snapped and a wooden rolling pin materialized from thin air rocketed towards Nino. He just winked again and deftly dodged before laughing.

Alex took another bite, savouring the last bit of cantaloupe and prosciutto. He'd told them everything the moment he'd portaled back in. Blubbering, if he was being honest. Neuronium had loved his tip request, and happily handed them over. The lizard had gotten Marty to escort him back, and with a friendly wave, Alex had zipped through a chill portal ride where the black stone didn't appear while having a panic attack.

He'd blathered when he landed in the kitchen, Nina and Nino hadn't asked questions, just nodded, listened, and taken the loot tip from the Professor and quietly stashed it in his locker for later. It was amazing, and he was excited to see it used, but it had completely slipped his mind. Instead of diving back to deliveries, he'd fired off texts to Snu, Mary, and Jemin. But they hadn't answered yet.

One of his requests had been for Neuronium to mass alert the Dungeon bosses in their chats. But it didn't seem like Snu hung out in them. According to Neuronium, most of the Toronto and Ontario bosses laughed it off. Whether that was due to his chat reputation or them being cocky, he wasn't sure. Snu was his big concern, and in his mind, she was either sleeping, killing Adventurers, or getting collared. It wasn't like he could message Emilio.

Though maybe I should get Gravewhistle a cell phone…

The rolling pin vanished before it knocked over a tower of paper plates.

"She throw thing without knowing what I saying," Nino said with a shrug, popping out a basil leaf to take a chomp out of. "Like tradition." Nina folded her arms over her flower apron, but the edges of her now more youthful mouth did tug a bit into a smile. "Like I was saying. These Krushers, they trying to tip everything. Own Bosses? Bah."

"Those who don't understand balance eventually fall. Chi la fa l'aspetti." Who does it, expects it Nina said as she nodded slowly. "Control Boss? Allora, I make pizza better. Maybe it is small. But it is mine. I keep my corner clean. Feed people, Boss, Lich, Council…whoever pay and like. Our balance. Some Bosses very bad, like that one in Cefalu, or Viper King in India. Most though? Most stuck in System just like people. It is what it is, but it work."

The old school phone rang in the front of the shop and Nino went to answer it. Nina watched Alex with crossed arms while sauce stirred itself with wooden spoons and onions fried for a special order. It still freaked him out how much younger she looked since the last resurrection, and frankly, the fact that those that had witnessed her power kind of confused him.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

What levels on Skills does she have?

"You gettah your pizza ona time! Relax!" Nino shouted into the rotary phone from the front as the shop door jingled. The lunch rush was upon them. "You want it fast or good? Cuz we do both." Then Nino clanged the phone hard and served the customer at the front.

Nina was looking at him like she could read his thoughts. She probably could, honestly. Considering she was a Lich, her powers in her Domain could be anything. Instead, she smiled and nodded toward the pizza oven. Another pizza slid into a floating box that pretended to munch on it. Was that her? He got up from his stool and straightened his shirt. It was time to move, the customers were waiting.

"Alex," Nina said as he looked into the portal and waited for his Delivery notification. "Relax. You do what you can, and what you think is right," She looked over to his loot locker, where Professor Neuronium's tip was. Nina nodded towards it and continued. "That tip? Means you good boy. Care about others. Now time for delivery. Clear your head with easy customer."

He looked over to his loot locker and spotted Neuronium's tip. Despite how he was feeling, he was excited about it. If Mary would answer already, he'd be able to ask her if the boys would like a little upgrade. He also needed someone to freak out with.

[A New Job has been assigned by your Employer - Nino's Pizza]

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 31:01]

[50 Credit Reward for Completion, along any and all tips from Customers]

[Customer: Turtle Power!!!]

The notification hit him, and a floating pizza box danced over and revealed its toppings. Looked like broccolini and extra cheese. It snapped shut, and Alex grabbed it while facing the Portal to his next drop. He already knew it would take him where he needed to go. The time didn't worry him. Most of the deliveries were going to be local, not Dungeons, and running around would be a good way to clear his head. He had warned Snu. That's all he could do right now. Plus, with her sister and Krshkeuc, they'd be able to hold off the Krushers. He hoped as much.

"Que no pepper?! Who no eat pepper? You want me to pick it out of the sauce?" Nino yelled at someone in the front of house that was clearly in way over their heads. "Is that what you want me to do? Reach in, pick out the little specs of pepper? Yes? Do I feed it to you as well?"

"It's time to work, Alex. Go. Lunch rush is already here." Nino shooed him before turning back to her sauce, still floating, and actually stirred herself without the help of some Skil. With one final breath and frustration that no one had answered him yet, Alex checked the time and prepped to leap into the espresso Portal. There were deliveries to be made. His friends and Snu would answer when they would answer. He knew Mary was busy selling things, so he did the only thing that seemed appropriate. He leapt in.

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 30:12]

Just how long do I travel for in the Portal?

His body didn't stretch this time. Instead, it shrunk. Limbs compacted, and his bones clinked. Yet through the shrinking, the pizza box remained untouched and normal sized. Just a hot broccolini-and-cheese pie anchored to his palm. He flowed past a cluster of planets stuck in a double three-body problem, with one of them splitting open like a magma flower. Fruit shaped spaceships floated from a distance, and Alex could see cockpit windows and grinning aliens snapping what appeared to be polaroids. One waved, and another gave an upside down and backwards hand sign. Alex instinctively returned a finger gun. Then the black stone made itself known through force but not appearance. That sometimes present shard of existential pressure pressed into his head like a cold hand. It made his nerves jangle, but the pressure disappeared just as he passed bioluminescent clouds eating eachother and singing sweet nothings while they did so.

What the actual fuck is that thing?

Before he knew it, he snapped back to normal size. Then he landed onto soggy ground. Before he got his surroundings, he pulled up the remaining time.

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 30:12]

Literally what? How does that even make sense? Is it under a second? Even though I passed by a bunch of stuff? Does no time pass between the travel?

His sneakers were sinking into thick mud, and the scent of algae and city runoff filled the air. It was humid and birdsong howels sounded from overhead. From beyond the trees, the hum of Toronto traffic buzzed. Car horns, whirring levetation kits, mufflers blaring for driver's that needed some help in the personality department. He faced a river, gnarly and filled with stuff better left unexplained. He supposed it must be the Don river, which ran through the city and flowed into Lake Ontario. Litter was everywhere, and two plastic bags slapped each other. Then he heard the voices of what he thought were the customers.

"You can't do that! You can't just smack my chucks away with your staff!" The voice of a young man whined.

"Why not? Sensei said we're practicing for real." A more nasally version responded.

"Well Sensei also said no Skills today!"

"When's the pizza getting here?" A more relaxed version asked.

The voices were young, maybe late teens. But they were in the middle of the river valley. Did they live in the woods next to the Don? There were better places to be without a home in Toronto.

Hippies? Sewer LARPers?

He started jogging forward to his next delivery when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Unable to help himself, he pulled it out to see who had finally responded.

Snu: We need to talk. Tomorrow night.

Well, angry is better than in trouble, I guess, Alex thought as he went to meet the customers living in the woods next to a river like turtles.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.


Use arrow keys (or A / D) to PREV/NEXT chapter