The lead mage's eye twitched. "A… a reservation?" she repeated, the word tasting alien in her crisp, academic voice. "We are the Royal Mages' Guild. We do not make reservations."

"Then you're not getting a table," Gilda said flatly, arms crossed, unimpressed.

The four mages stood frozen, their faces locked in pure, logical confusion. They had prepared for magical anomalies, spatial distortions, even reality-bending paradoxes. They had not prepared for a hostess with a reservations policy.

While this beautiful stalemate unfolded, a very different kind of battle was raging in my own mind.

On one side, there was me, enjoying the most beautiful display of bureaucratic warfare I had ever witnessed. This was a problem solved not with magic or swords, but with pure, immovable stubbornness—and Gilda was a grandmaster in this.

On the other side, there was FaeLina, who was having a complete, high-speed meltdown.

'Mochi, do something!' her psychic voice shrilled, a jumble of pure, managerial terror. 'That's five thousand gold she's glaring at! They'll cancel the agreement! They'll take the money back! And then they'll give us a one-star review on the official Mages' Guild ScryNet channel! We'll be broke and badly reviewed! It's a logistical nightmare!'

'She's just following the rules, FaeLina,' I projected calmly, a deep sense of satisfaction humming from my core. 'we are a sanctuary. You can't just barge in.'

The lead mage, recovering slightly, was now trying a different approach. "Our official mandate from the Guild," she said, her voice strained with forced patience, "is to investigate all unsanctioned, large-scale magical phenomena. Your broadcast qualifies. We require access to the premises."

Gilda just shrugged, a simple, infuriatingly effective gesture. "And our policy is that the Tea Nook is closed until one o'clock," she stated simply. "No exceptions."

The lead mage's logical, academic brain sputtered, stalled, and then seemed to completely shut down. Her opponent wasn't using magic, or threats, or even a particularly compelling argument. She was using simple, unassailable, and deeply infuriating peasant logic. It was a form of warfare the Mages' Guild had no defense against.

Her mind, scrambling to categorize the situation in a way that made sense, began to furiously generate a new research paper.

'Hypothesis: The subject is analogous to a defective security golem, running on an undocumented and frankly insulting 'reservations' protocol,' she thought, her mind racing.

'Counter-argument: Subject is radiating a measurable, non-magical field of pure terror so potent that my instruments are currently pretending not to exist.'

'Conclusion: This is a logistical problem not covered in the Mages' Guild handbook, section 14, subsection G, otherwise known as the 'You're On Your Own, We're Not Dealing With This' clause.'

While the lead mage was having her internal, academic meltdown, I was quietly enjoying the show.

But FaeLina, seeing that her funding source was about to magically short-circuit, her head of security was being an immovable object, and her Dungeon Core was being completely useless, decided that this situation required a more... direct approach.

'That's it,' her psychic voice was a sharp, decisive snap in my mind. 'If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.'

She didn't just zip into view. She made an entrance.

Knowing the mages could already see her with their fancy magical spectacles, she made a performance out of it, drifting down from the ceiling at a snail's pace, her aura glowing with an aggressively professional shade of pink. She planted herself directly between the fuming mage and the unmoving warrior, her tiny arms crossed, her expression one of polite but firm authority.

"My apologies for the misunderstanding, Magus," she said, her voice honey-sweet but with an undercurrent of pure steel. "Our Head of Security was simply enforcing our 'Quiet Hours' protocol. A necessary measure to maintain optimal tranquility levels, as I'm sure you appreciate."

The lead mage just stared. She had been prepared for the magical entity. She had been prepared for a confrontation. She had not, under any circumstances, been prepared for it to be so... managerial.

FaeLina, sensing the mage's stunned silence was her cue, pressed her advantage with the ruthless efficiency of a seasoned negotiator.

"Of course," FaeLina continued, her eyes glittering with a look of pure, weaponized bureaucracy, "given the official nature of your visit, I'm sure we can find a solution. Our standard service agreement doesn't cover this kind of unscheduled, high-priority access, but..." She tapped her tiny chin thoughtfully, as if trying to remember a very obscure bylaw. "I believe there is a precedent for a 'Premium Access' rider."

She tapped the side of her tiny clipboard, which shimmered for a moment, and produced a smaller—but equally terrifying—document as if from nowhere. It was titled, in shimmering, golden letters that seemed to mock the very concept of subtlety: Premium Access Addendum.

She unrolled it with a flourish. "Yes, here it is," she said, her voice full of the feigned delight of a salesperson who has just found the perfect, overpriced accessory for their client. "As per the addendum, premium clients are entitled to bypass our standard reservation system for a nominal surcharge. This fee covers the 'Tranquility Disruption Tax,' a 'Sudden Scheduling Surcharge,' and a 'Magical Equipment Setup Fee.' If you'll just sign here, here, and initial here, we can get your team started immediately."

The mage blinked. Her Royal Mandate had just been countered by… a surcharge. She glanced at the five-page invoice she'd already approved. Then at the new, one-page addendum that had just been invented out of thin air. Then at Gilda, who was smiling now—a slow, dangerous grin that was somehow scarier than her glare.

She exhaled the long, soul-crushed sigh of a woman realizing she was not in a dungeon, but a bureaucratic labyrinth with better customer service than the Royal Court.

"Fine," she muttered, snatching the document. "Give me the addendum. And," she added under her breath, her voice a low grumble of pure, unadulterated stress, "a pot of that 'championship' chamomile. My head hurts."

And just like that, the standoff was over. Gilda had won the battle of wills. FaeLina had won the battle of bureaucracy. And the Mages' Guild was now, officially, our first-ever premium client.

But, suddenly the words echoed in my mind, like a slow drumbeat of impending doom. Premium. Client.

'FaeLina,' I projected, my mental voice a quiet whisper of pure dread. 'Our quiet sanctuary isn't just a curiosity anymore,' I projected, the full, soul-crushing horror of the situation dawning on me. 'We've become an exclusive resort... with a tiered membership system.'

'Of course we are, Mochi!' she sang back, her aura radiant with pure, unadulterated profit. 'And premium members,' she added, her psychic voice a triumphant whisper, 'get a complimentary biscuit with their tea!'

And that was it. Not the paperwork. Not the surcharge. The complimentary biscuit. That tiny, smug, utterly unnecessary detail was what finally broke me.

____________

Author's Note:

And so, the standoff ends—not with fireballs or blade clashes, but with paperwork. The real magic, it turns out, is bureaucracy.

Gilda's immovable "reservations policy" and FaeLina's brilliant, on-the-fly invention of the "Premium Access Addendum" is my favorite one-two punch in the entire series so far. They are the greatest and most terrifying hospitality team in the world.

The Royal Mages' Guild has now become Mochi's very first "premium clients." They came to research the mysteries of the dungeon… and instead signed a service agreement, paid a surcharge, and ordered tea. Truly, the most Comfy Corner victory imaginable.

But the final horror for Mochi! His quiet sanctuary isn't just a business anymore; it's a business with customer loyalty perks. The complimentary biscuit may have just broken his spirit. How will our sleepy hero survive being monetized?

Stay tuned. The price of comfort just went up. Thanks for reading!

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.