Chapter 875: MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF

SHEN YI MU wasn't sure how long they stayed in that position. All he knew was that after the tears fell from his eyes, he felt Jiang Yue's shoulders trembling. Then, small sobbing sound followed after.

At that moment, he couldn't think much about his own sadness. All he knew was that he should comfort Jiang Yue. And so, the two of them cried in each other's arms just like that.

His Ah Yue kept mumbling 'I'm sorry'. Every time he did, Shen Yi Mu felt like his heart would shatter into a million pieces. At the end, all he could do was to hug him tightly and tell him that everything would be okay.

He then cupped Jiang Yue's face into his hands. He gently removed the glasses covering the other's eyes, revealing his beautiful almond shaped eyes. Those eyes were now red and brimming with tears. Shen Yi Mu wiped the tears that fell on Jiang Yue's soft cheeks.

The other raised his hand and also did the same for him. "I'm sorry, Brother Mu."

"No, I should be the one saying that. I should have looked for you harder. I--I should have been there for you," Shen Yi Mu said shaking his head.

"No, no, Brother Mu. How can you be at fault? No, it was me. You're right. I shouldn't have decided everything on my own. I- at that moment, when- when I felt death was staring right at me, all I could think about was how I didn't want you to be there, watching me slowly being consumed by- by this disease.

"I want you to remember me as I am. But it's only years later that I realized how selfish I had been. I left you without any proper explanation. Hoping that you can forget me and move on. But I know now how wrong I was for thinking that way. I- I didn't take your feelings into consideration. I just decided for the both us. For that and for all the pain I've caused you, I will forever regret it."

Shen Yi Mu was actually still feeling the unfairness of the situation that led them to this day. But what good would it do to blame Jiang Yue for that? No. That's not what they needed right now. Especially after hearing the real circumstance behind why the other suddenly left him.

"Ah Yue, you don't owe me anything. Although I might disagree with the decision you made, that's not what matters right now," he said. With his hands still cupping the other's face, he gently lifted it up so that they could look at each other's eyes. "Right now, all I want to know is about your condition? Are you alright now? What did the doctor say? Is there a chance for the cancer to come back?"

Jiang Yue was silent for a moment. The expression on his face was like he was about to cry again because he was moved by Shen Yi Mu's naked concern.

"I- I'm fine now. I was l-lucky. When I was diagnosed, it was only at the first stage. But even then, the survival rate of pancreatic cancer is still fairly low. Even if it was diagnosed early, the chance of survival is still less that 10%. I- I was one of the few lucky ones, I guess."

Although Jiang Yue tried to make his voice cheerful, Shen Yi Mu could still see that he was struggling. He was about to say that it's okay not to say anything more and that he understood. But before he could, Jiang Yue had already continued speaking;

"The first five years is very important after the initial diagnosis. Passing it could mean my survival was almost guaranteed. Thankfully enough, I did pass it. And here I am now."

What the other said was definitely a big understatement. – Shen Yi Mu thought. Jiang Yue did not just survive. He fought and lived.

It must have not been easy. All the chemos and the drugs, it must have been hell. And Jiang Yue did it all alone without anyone supporting him.

He closed his eyes tightly. He felt like tiny needles were stabbing his heart over and over again. There's a lot of things he wanted to say. To tell him all the comforting words he could mutter. To apologize for his shortcomings, for not being there, for letting him experienced all of that alone. How scared he must be.

But at the end, the only words that came out of his lips were;

"You did good." He tried to smile the best as he could, even though what he truly wanted at this moment was to cry. "I'm proud of you, Ah Yue. So, so proud."

Jiang Yue once again burst out crying when he heard that. This time, the other was the one who hugged him first. He held his waist tightly, as if trying to get some form of strength from the other.

Shen Yi Mu thought that Jiang Yue would cry again. So, he also hugged him tightly, patting his back to offer comfort.

"Thank you, Brother Mu. T-thank you for... for not being angry with- with me."

That somehow made Shen Yi Mu chuckle. He let go of the other and pinched his cheeks. "How could I be angry at you? Considering the circumstance, I'd be totally heartless if I do, don't you think?"

"No, I think it would be totally justified."

The two looked at each other and then somehow, the both of them simply laughed.

Seeing his Ah Yue smiled for the first time after so many years, Shen Yi Mu simply felt full. It's like his heart would explode with the emotion he had been so familiar with since the day he met Jiang Yue.

He held Jiang Yue's hands. "Ah Yue, can you give me another chance? Let's start over, hmm? Be with me, please?"

Jiang Yue's pupils shook, as if he received a big shock. Then, it trembled as if tears would come out of it at any second.

"Xiao Yun said that for one to be happy, they needed to have courage," he said. "I think this is the right moment for that. So, yes, Brother Mu. If you'll have me again, then I'd be very much happy to be with you."

Shen Yi Mu grabbed Jiang Yue by the waist and lifted him up. Circling around like a child, expressing the happiness he's feeling. Jiang Yue's laughter echoed around the room.

Then, Shen Yi Mu simply hugged the other. "Thank you, Ah Yue. Thank you for being here."

"I'm also very happy to be here," Jiang Yue said, hugging Shen Yi Mu back. "Thank you, Brother Mu. Thank you for not forgetting me and hating me."

"Even if the end of the world comes, there's no way I would ever hate you," Shen Yi Mu said, putting the other down and touching his cheek. "How could I when I love you more than life itself?"

Jiang Yue showed a teary smile. "Me too, Brother Mu. Me too."

"Everything went well with your Uncle Yue," Shen Yi Mu said as response to his nephew's question.

He glanced at the sleeping Jiang Yue and he couldn't stop himself from smiling. From now on, he wouldn't let the same mistake happened again.

Never.

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