Chapter 60 - A Moment of Glory (1)

After falling into the world of , the path I had walked was quite far from the value of 'honor.'

In fact, it was a given. What honor would an illegitimate son, who was despised in this world, have?

But today, it might be the day I get to hold something like honor in my hands.

-First, let's talk about the big stuff. You, you're going to be commended.

As Acaite had said, I was summoned to be commended for what had happened at Ailton Hall. And that, right after being discharged.

Ssk.

I stood at the back of the auditorium and straightened my clothes. Well, it wasn't that it had any great meaning.

It was just that since it was the first time I was receiving a fairly major award, I paid a little attention to it for no reason.

“Hmph.”

I slowly looked around the empty back of the auditorium.

It wouldn't be bad to talk with others, but since I had come a little early, no one else had arrived yet.

And, while I was standing there blankly at the back of the auditorium, waiting for the preparations...

Tap.

Someone lightly tapped my shoulder.

“Yo. You're early.”

It was Yuna who tapped my shoulder with a light onomatopoeia that replaced a greeting.

'She looks surprisingly composed.'

Given her personality of being awkward with authority and honor, I thought she would be nervous about receiving such a big award.

'She shows a timid side in strangely odd areas.'

I said that thought directly to Yuna.

“The commendation ceremony is soon, but you don't seem to be nervous.”

“Umm-.”

And at my words, Yuna scratched her head... and answered after a pause.

“Well, I guess it's because it's not an award I'm receiving for being great.”

“What do you mean?”

“What meaning is there? It's just... I really didn't do anything. That night.”

Aha.

Right, it was plausible that she would think that. In Yuna's case, I had sent her to Salvatio with Arien...

Since Arien was so strong, Yuna must have felt like she was just getting a free ride.

In the case of Khan and Elwin, their skills were similar, so it would have been less of that.

“Is that so.”

“I should say I'm completely far off. Man, the skill difference was no joke.”

“That's true.”

“This bastard...”

I teased Yuna once and looked at the face of the girl who was saying such things. With a little worry.

'It would be troublesome if she felt a wall here.'

But contrary to my expectation, Yuna's expression was surprisingly refreshing.

“I want to become like that too.”

“...”

I chuckled.

'I worried for nothing.'

Who was Yuna? Wasn't she a strong-willed person who didn't lose her initial resolve even while going through the utterly desperate story of ?

It might have been ridiculous to think that she would be broken by something like this.

And, at my reaction...

“Why are you laughing, man. I'm really going to do it.”

Yuna was about to punch me in the side as usual.

But.

Whoosh-.

“I knew you would do that.”

I easily dodged Yuna's side attack by shifting my center of gravity.

“After spending this much time together, I can kind of see the pattern.”

“Grrr...”

Yuna retrieved her fist that had cut through the empty air with an awkward expression.

Anyway, after that conversation, many people arrived.

The other main characters who were to receive the commendation, Khan, Serene, Elwin, and Arien, as well as the student council staff who were preparing for it.

I briefly talked with the guys I knew and stepped out of the crowd for a moment.

'This body strangely can't handle crowds...'

After becoming Rain Enlight, it was strangely uncomfortable to be in a crowd.

I should say that I get uncomfortable when there are even just a few more people, it seemed like some kind of social phobia engraved in this body was acting up.

And there was one guy who approached me while I was briefly out on the periphery.

“Mister Elwin?”

A handsome boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, and a refreshing impression. Elwin Van Cardenas.

“Ah, Mister Rain. It's been a while since we've properly talked after the commotion last time.”

He greeted me with a refreshing smile.

I couldn't help but think that he had a very likable face.

'He's the complete opposite of me.'

Rain's face was also handsome, but it was the epitome of gloominess...

Anyway.

“...Is there something you need?”

“Ah, no. About the help I received that day... I wanted to properly thank you.”

Help, is he talking about stopping the 'Knight Executioner' Grændal? Right, it was a touch-and-go situation.

In the game, other guys stopped him, so even if it wasn't me, other guys would have solved it.

“Well, the thanks I received on that day is enough. You already did it when you came to visit me in the hospital.”

“Haha... that's true.”

Elwin's appearance, scratching his cheek with an awkward smile, as if he knew.

Contrary to his words, he seemed to have something else he wanted to say.

“Contrary to your words, you seem to have something you want to say. May I ask what it is?”

I saw through that point and asked him directly. It wasn't particularly rude.

“Really... you have good eyes.”

And when I said that... Elwin's expression turned quite serious.

And he began to speak.

“It's nothing else, I wanted to ask for some advice from you, Mister Rain.”

“Advice?”

“Umm, how should I put it... about... combat?”

Elwin said so, as if he couldn't find the right word.

'Combat, I don't think I'm better than Elwin in terms of combat.'

I was somewhat puzzled. Who was Elwin? Wasn't he a hero-type character who was on the strong side among the playable characters at this point?

But this guy is asking me.

“Do you remember? When I was at the south gate, encountering that disheveled intruder.”

Ah, is he talking about the confrontation with Grændal?

“I remember.”

“At that time, I was on the defensive, and I made a bold attempt to turn the tide. In other words... it was a life-threatening attempt.”

I listened silently and thought.

'To risk one's life...'

This keyword was a topic that also appeared in the original work, related to Elwin's growth.

He would gain a worry from the fight with Grændal and later grow... something like that.

“I was prepared. I knew that risking my life was actually the way to save it. I didn't think about fear.”

A life-risking step, that was one of the keywords that ran through Elwin's story.

“But, in the end, I couldn't muster the courage to take that final step.”

Courage to not back down in any situation, the process of obtaining that was Elwin's story.

“...The reason you're telling me this is?”

I naturally asked back. 'Why me, specifically?'

If Elwin was from a prestigious family, he must have seen countless veterans who would know better about that.

“Haha...”

And at my words, Elwin smiled slightly again and continued the story.

“...I saw it. Right after you saved me, Mister Rain, you calmly risked your life to escape the crisis.”

To escape a crisis by risking one's life.

Ah.

At that moment, a scene flashed through my mind.

The moment I had briefly fought with Grændal, which I had experienced countless times while regressing in Ailton Hall.

Since the standard move was to retreat, Grændal had a high probability of launching a follow-up attack assuming I would retreat.

If so, I thought it would be more likely to win if I went forward first and seized the tempo.

“But, you don't hesitate in a life-risking step.”

Was that what it meant?

“Ah...”

When I made a face that showed I roughly understood what he meant, Elwin nodded.

“Even if I were to go back to that situation, I felt that I wouldn't be able to do anything about that momentary hesitation.”

A serious expression, with no trace of the refreshing smile from before.

“Since it seemed like you had overcome it and showed courage, Mister Rain... I wanted to

ask for advice.”

At those words, I fell into thought for a moment.

'The reason I don't hesitate is largely because of regression.'

For me, death was not death. It didn't mean it was the end for me.

Of course, the pain of death is still painful, but even that could not compare to the fear of real death.

'What should I do.'

But of course, I couldn't just tell him this.

“Rather, I think the problem might be that you weren't afraid.”

“The fact that I wasn't afraid...?”

Because of this, I decided to talk about what I felt while going through regression... while struggling to escape from death.

“In my case, I was afraid of death. That's why, in order to desperately escape from death... I think I rather risked my life.”

I was afraid of the pain that led to death. Because of this, I risked my life to not feel that pain.

It was a terrible paradox. To risk one's life because one is afraid of losing it.

But the act of risking one's life was not something that could be done in the realm of reason.

'It's a harsh thing to say, but it's not something you can do with a sane mind.'

Therefore, at that moment, I had to paralyze all other thoughts except for the act of risking my life.

And, the means for that was fear.

“With that thought of wanting to live, you make it so that no other thought comes to mind other than the act of risking your life.”

Because I want to live, in my case, because I want to escape from pain... I have to concentrate all my nerves on risking my life, which is the only way.

“...In that moment, you focus only on the act of risking your life. The means for that is fear... I see.”

“That's right.”

Well, since my situation and Elwin's situation are different, I don't know how helpful it will be.

So I added.

“This is just a shortcut. You don't have to follow it... but it's not good to turn your eyes away from fear by being too buried in courage.”

I finished with the words that his father had said to Elwin in the original work.

“There's a saying, 'To advance without recognizing fear is avoidance, but to advance knowing fear is courage.'”

“...”

Since it was something I came up with on the spot, I don't know if it was conveyed properly.

“To advance without recognizing is avoidance, to advance knowing is courage...”

Elwin muttered so with a serious expression. As if lost in thought.

“Hmph.”

In order not to disturb Elwin's thoughts, I quietly got up and moved away.

'Did I leave a decent impression with this?'

It was a borrowed phrase, but the principle behind it... was valid.

Well, even aside from that, it was a meaningful discussion.

'As I live in the world of , I will frequently face other fears besides death, so it will be helpful to me when that time comes.'

With such a rather serious thought, I was about to leave the auditorium's waiting room.

Thud.

And then, someone grabbed my shoulder.

“Hey...”

That someone was Yuna, who was pale.

“...Is something wrong?”

“Do you have any stomach medicine? Come to think of it, I'm a little nervous and my stomach...”

…….

This one doesn't give me a chance to think seriously.

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