As a member of Taradira's personal guard, Ferene found herself treated differently than her last visit to the capital. The two guards outside the university let her in, and when she asked to see Velan, a servant guided her into the building.

She found him not in a room, but on the roof, among rows of plants resting in pots. Velan and a woman in similar robes stood side by side, staring at a pot of dirt and discussing something. Ferene's guide introduced her, and the two turned. The woman stepped backwards, partially hiding behind Velan. Ferene walked forward, seeing the smile spread across her friend's face before she grabbed him, pulling him into a hug, which he returned. She wanted to do more, but held herself back.

"Ferene! You came back."

She smiled and held him tight. She wanted to tell him about everything that happened, but she hadn't expected to be in this kind of situation, away from their inn room and with an audience. "A lot happened." She supplied instead.

As she let him go, Velan stepped back, locking his eyes with hers. "I'm glad you're safe. We didn't get detailed news about the war, just that hearing that battles took place. I was worried about you."

"It…wasn't what I expected." She said, struggling to find words. The woman stepped closer to Velan after Ferene released him, hiding behind him and gazing up at Ferene.

Velan seemed to notice her awkwardness. "This is Mirana. She's working on the same project I am. I mentioned I was researching farming techniques the last time we met." He gestured at the pots nearby. "We're using soil from a mountain to the southeast, and limiting the water it gets to try to replicate the natural conditions. Cover them up during the rainfall to control the minerals it receives. There's a variety of plants and different ideas replicated here. Villages like mine, or the ones near the mountain to the southeast, aren't as lucky as the farmlands around here and struggle to reach the same amount of production."

Watching Velan explain brought a warm feeling to her chest, even if she wasn't sure why it was so important. The way he looked at her while talking was different than a moment ago. His worry and uncertainty were gone, replaced with confidence.

"Mirana, tell her about our discussion."

The brown-haired woman looked at Velan, then at Ferene, then at the empty pot. "W-we were, w-well, um…" she trailed off, her gaze dropping to the floor. Velan placed a hand on her shoulder, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "We were having a discussion of what we should try planting next. We've had success with corn and potatoes. I was thinking that rice would work, but Velan suggested amaranth. They need different amounts of humidity. We started to talk about the practicality of irrigation on mountainsides and…"

The small bit of contact launched her into a confident, long-winded explanation, which was cut off with just a sound from Velan, and Mirana stared downward again, not making eye contact with the other two.

Something about the interaction bothered Ferene, but she wasn't sure what. "I'm going to go away again. Back north. I might stay there for a long time."

"To your people?" Velan asked, and Ferene nodded.

"I wanted to see you one more time." Part of her wanted to step forward and pick him up. Carry him off somewhere, away from Mirana and anyone else, but she held that part back. No matter how much time she spent alone with him, she'd always want more. She couldn't take him away from his work no more than he could take her away from goals. She was going to see Rilya again, and then go beyond. To fight another war, this time without humans on either side.

"You're worried." He said, cutting into her thoughts. He watched her, his head tilted slightly, his mouth in a frown.

The monsters. They would be her next opponents. Just thinking back to her previous encounters made her throat feel tight. "I can't tell you." She wanted to explain it to him. The way she had explained all her other struggles, her failures, her fears. She wanted to tell him what she was up against, how they affected her, but she couldn't. Humans couldn't know.

"I'll be waiting for you." He smiled, and reached out, touching her arm, gently.

Ferene reached across, taking his hand in hers, and squeezing tightly. "Thank you." Letting go, she turned and walked away, before she gave in to any of her emotions. Velan was a comfort, and she didn't need that now, as much as she wanted it. She needed to go forward. She thought of Rilya, of Telhrian, Filraehen, Alri, and the others. Her family, Tahrean, and Relgren were in Yonthal, and she could see them again. How long had it been? She wanted both them and Velan, but that wouldn't happen. Those were two different worlds that didn't intersect.

"This will make you unconscious. It is similar to what Hatharen use, but lasts longer, even when used on us. This will numb you to pain. I'll have you drink it when you wake up, and it will hopefully last long enough to get past the worst parts of it."

"I can handle pain." Taradira said, looking at the assortment of flasks and cups Selveren placed on the small stand beside the table she lay on. After Ferene and Grathen left, Selveren reminded her once again of her promise, and she agreed to submit herself to his experiments. Next to the cups, an array of knives lay, neat and ordered. Opposite Selveren stood a medic from the army, a man that he determined was the best suited to assist him. The soldier looked nervous but determined.

"The option is there." He said, uncorking the first flask and shoving it under her nose. Blackness swarmed her vision immediately.

She woke up to pain.

Her stomach hurt more than anything she could remember. Even cutting her arm open hadn't hurt this much. She tried to sit up and look, only to find herself strapped to the table. Selveren stood over her, his arms coated in blood up to his elbows. She couldn't tilt her head, a strap across her forehead preventing all movement. He looked at her, and she felt him pull his hands out of her insides. That's when she started screaming.

He grabbed a flask from the table and poured it into her open mouth, pushing her jaw shut. "Swallow." He said, his face emotionless. She did, trying to move her arms, only to find those also held down by the straps. She wanted to get up, to run away, to see what he had done to her, but she couldn't.

"I'm going to close you." He told her, then looked to his assistant. She couldn't see what they were doing, but also couldn't feel it. The pain was dull, rather than sharp, and the sensations of movement felt far away. She stared at the ceiling, her thoughts wandering.

After he untied the straps holding her down, Taradira sat up, looking at her stomach. A long red line stretched from the bottom of her ribcage to her pelvis, stitches crossing over it. Whatever he had done, she was already healing.

Several moments later, he came back into the room, carrying several small bottles in his now-cleaned arms. He sat down beside her, setting the bottles on the table, pushing the previous set of mixtures aside.

"Did you find what you wanted?" She asked, unsure of how to read his expression. He didn't seem excited or saddened. Just regular, emotionless Selveren.

He gestured at the scar on her stomach. "I found what I thought I would."

"Which is?"

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"Nothing." She stared at her, eventually raising an eyebrow, tilting her head forward. He took the hint. "Nothing different than what I've seen in human women. Why you are unable to have a child whenever you want is a mystery. Nothing is missing, and there's nothing extra in there. The same with Hatharen men - I cannot offer an explanation for why we cannot reproduce with human women at any time." She heard a hint of frustration in his voice.

"You broke it, didn't you? With Ferene."

In response, he nodded twice. "I did. I didn't know it at the time, but that is true." He picked up one of the bottles, filled with a murky, yellowish water. It looked like underbrewed tea. "I have some things for you to try. The intention is to do to you what I did to myself. I don't know if any of these will work, but you should be prepared for them to activate your breeding instinct, or something that feels similar. If there is anyone you'd like me to contact for you-"

"I don't need anyone."

Selveren tilted his head. "The way you will feel is-"

"I've experienced it, and gotten through it without assistance."

At her words, his expression transformed. His eyebrows went up, his mouth parted. His attention was no longer on his tests, but entirely on her - eyes wide, he stared at her openly. "How? Why? Tell me about that." He didn't seem to recognize that he was making demands of her. Proper interactions weren't in his mind right now.

She lifted her arm, pointing to the underside. "I cut my arm open and shoved rocks inside, then wrapped it up. The pain helped me focus. I was alone, days away from the nearest living Hatharen, and I needed to kill the beast that killed my family. I didn't have time to deal with anything else. And now, I'm going to go back north and free our people. I'm not going to do that with a baby growing inside of me. If your test is successful, you can give it to someone else to make use of, someone who wants to be a mother. That isn't something that matters to me."

He tilted his head again, this time not in confusion but in clear consideration. "That makes sense. Drink this, and wait six hours, then find me." He handed her the bottle.

Uncorking it, she poured it all down her throat. If it was tea, he had neglected to filter it - she felt the dust on her tongue as she drank. "That's vile." She told him. "What is it?"

"A combination of various things women take to improve chances of successful pregnancy."

"So just normal things? What's the point?"

"To try anything I can. As I said, there is no difference anatomically. Our bodies have everything they need, they just don't function right. This should help the functionality. Maybe that's all we need, maybe it isn't."

"You have no idea what you're doing, then."

He almost glared at her, a hint of annoyance showing again. "I spent a long time researching how all of these interact. Each combination should be effective."

Taradira glanced at the table, where four other bottles sat, waiting. "So here's a bunch of drinks that will drive women crazy? You could make good money selling these, though some of your buyers might not have good intentions."

"I don't care about that. Find me in six hours." He stood up and left. Taradira let out a small laugh.

Grathen remained silent during their trip, but it wasn't a silence that bothered Ferene. They made a good pace walking northward, following the roads but ignoring most of the towns, walking through without stopping. Ferene matched her pace to the taller Hatharen's, the two making good distance every day. She only stopped for a moment when they passed through the town where she first met Velan. The shop caught her eye, and her steps slowed, Grathen noticing and turning to look at her.

"What is it?" He asked. That was the first thing he had said to her all day - the last time they had spoken was the night before.

"Nothing." She said, walking forward. "Just a memory."

"Memories make us who we are." He responded, following her. "Every memory is important. Especially with humans. There will come a time when memories are all you have of them."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Humans rarely live past seventy or eighty. You'll live six times that long, maybe longer. Every human you've met will be dead. Ettsgras and Celngi might become forgotten nations. The nations that existed when I was young are dust, not even in the human's history books - I checked. The Knights of Resh are the only thing that the world remembers, but I remember so much more. People, towns, cities. Resh's horse, his name was Raincloud. I remember Raincloud. Gentle animal. That was the big secret. Everyone expected an ill-tempered warhorse that would bite and kick, but Raincloud was a riding animal. Resh would always dismount to fight."

"So?"

"So remember these places, the people you know, the horses you ride. You will outlast them and the world will not remember them. Tell me who you are remembering."

"Velan. I met him here. He asked me to be his bodyguard."

"Velan." Grathen repeated. "What do you remember about him?"

"A shopkeeper was going to trick me, but he stopped it."

"How noble."

The conversation ended there, the two leaving the town in silence. Ferene thought of all the people she met. Not just Velan, Tullund, and Ines, but the others. Lana, the mercenary. Where was she now? Had she found a peaceful place for Krysta? The boy from the farm, the one who read to her, what happened to him? She hadn't ever asked his name. And Shvernik, what was the musician doing? Did Ines share the love of the arts that her father did?

Ferene frowned, shaking her head. She didn't need to think of that right now.

"I'm glad I get to travel with you, and learn about you, for the same reasons."

Her frown deepened. "What do you mean?"

"I will be here long after you are gone, so I want to remember you. What my friend Resh started, so long ago, ends with you. In a way you are more like what he wanted to be than his followers. The Knights of Resh did not embody his true ideals, though they tried their best. You are like him, in a lot of ways. I heard about what you did in Celngi."

"I wanted to do more."

Grathen laughed, but didn't say any more.

Bearing the mild pain, Taradira paced the room. It had been only two hours, and she was feeling the effects of whatever Selveren had given her.

It was far from the intended effect. The feelings were mild, but irritating regardless. She was restless.

"General." A voice called out, and she turned, seeing Thoms standing in the doorway. "I was told I could find you here. Were you hurt?"

"I'm not injured, but I'm in no condition to fight. What can I help you with, Captain?"

"I want to go with you."

"No."

She shut him down immediately. There was a look of pain on his face for a moment, a brief flash before it was replaced with determination. "Why?"

"You only want to come because you're in love with me."

His face went blank, and Taradira herself took a moment to realize what she said. The words came out on instinct, not from her own control, not backed by thought. She had known about his feelings but ignored them, neither of them directly addressing it. She wanted to keep it that way, but something broke in that moment. She didn't say anything else, keeping her own expression level, her eyes on him, serious, trying not to show that she hadn't meant to say that. She couldn't let him know that whatever Selveren gave her was making her just say things like that.

"I want to help you." He finally replied, his voice quiet.

"You should be loyal to the kingdom, not to me."

"Yes, General." He said, his eyes still on her.

She waited, not speaking. Her mind wasn't working right, and she wasn't sure what she would say if she opened her mouth.

"Is it because I'm short?"

Taradira blinked. "What?"

"Are you rejecting me because I am short?"

Taking a deep breath, Taradira turned and sat down on the medical bench. "I don't want a partner at all. I want to save my people. I came here to learn how to fight wars. Your feelings made you more loyal, which is why I kept you nearby. There's nothing more to it than that."

"What about after?"

That brought her pause. She hadn't thought about it before, but the answer didn't take long to surface. "I had a partner, long ago. He died. I didn't spend as much time with him as I could have. Even then, I just wanted to fight for my people. My squad - my family - died, and I came here." She realized she was talking without control, but couldn't stop herself. "I don't know what I'll do after, but I'm not looking for anyone. I just want to put a stop to the war, and I have to win to do it."

He listened, his face hard, until the end, when he tilted his head slightly. "Why are you going to war with no soldiers? I can help you fight. Take me with you."

"You can't fight this." She said, her hands forming fists. "Human soldiers cannot help me. The ones fighting will be Hatharen. Humans can support us, but they cannot be on the front lines."

"Then let me support you. Please, Taradira."

"You're only doing this because-"

"You are my general. I will follow you. I'm your assistant, and I will do everything I can to help you succeed."

"Fine. I'll put you in charge of the support group. Come back tomorrow and I'll explain the situation fully. For now, get out of here."

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