+++ Lieutenant Hans Hoffman +++

"...Won't you?"

Hans stared at her tearful eyes. She stared at him in a manner he could have never imagined. Those eyes, those green jewels, looked at him as if he were the most precious person in her life.

And it desperately wanted him.

In response, however, Hans…

Frowned.

"Adelyn," he started. "Did someone hurt you while I was unconscious?"

"...What?"

"Did someone, something, do anything to you?"

He held her shoulder forcefully.

"Answer me! You wouldn't normally act like this, so what the hell happened?!"

"I already explained everything to you, Hans. It's the truth! The truth I've been burying until now because I thought…I thought it is incredibly foolish to reveal it while we're fighting for our lives."

"...What's your little plan here? That just because you confessed to me, you think I'll stop fighting demons? Do you even think I'm only just fighting for you? Where did you even get that idea?"

Hans wanted to slap her. All that melodrama, when he had just woken up from a victory he missed. He didn't like it. Most importantly, what he didn't like was the fact that she cried in pain while telling him all those words.

Wasn't love meant to be a wholesome, nice thing? Then why was she saying it to him as if it was the greatest tragedy out there?

Something has to be wrong.

There was no other explanation.

"Captain, I think I'm fine now," Hans said. "I need a full rundown of our status right now. Figure things out. Everything seems wrong."

"W-what?"

"I'm saying, there has to be a reason that pushed you to this. I don't accept the explanation that you're just worried for me. That's impossible—"

"Are…are you nothing but a dense brick, Hans? After everything I said, you think there has to be an ulterior reason?"

"...You're a proud noblewoman. A proud officer. What a joke. There's no reason, at all, for you to suddenly fall for an asshole like me. What qualities do you even see in me? I'm a man too far gone. My mind is messed up. I can't even calm down and relax, and live life like you."

"You're just being too obtuse."

"I'm not being obtuse! I'm a penal soldier, the lowest of the low. Someone like you should know better than to trust me. Can't you already see it? I just woke up, and I'm already so paranoid and suspicious of everything, including you."

Hans laughed at her.

"What if I have been using you? What if I have been lying in so many ways to you? What if I'm someone who'll get himself killed like it's nothing? Wouldn't that hurt you? So why—why subject yourself to that by liking me? Wake the hell up!"

Hans stopped, taking a deep breath.

"...Adelyn, you don't know enough to like me. That's why I'm suspicious. There's no way you'll be speaking like that just because of such a cheap reason. And if I'm wrong with that—wouldn't that mean that I really am such a husk who deserves no love? Why would you like a person who mocks your feelings?"

He shook his head.

"Save yourself from the heartache. I'm just your subordinate, and a good friend, maybe. I'll fight with you, till the end, as my countryman and comrade. But I don't, I don't ever want to harm you, so just, don't. Alright?"

Hans nodded to himself. Indeed, that was right. It was why he sacrificed himself time and time again. To save Adelyn and Alizée, because they had such bright, happy futures ahead of them. All those deaths, all those efforts, it would mean nothing if he—the Fallen Angel of Truth, stayed with them.

Once the fighting ends, I'll have to carve my path.

Even he knew how unstable, how messed up, and how impaired his mind was. The ability to return in time from his death, to change timelines to suit his needs, to suit whatever desires he had for other people—it was exceedingly evil.

He played god when he had no right to do so. It might have benefited the two now, but what if, in the future, it didn't?

As a soldier, he had a mission. To be with them until the world was safe. Until Adelyn could leave her role as the Angel of Justice and become a normal woman again. Until Alizée could reach a place where she could study with the best, and carve a path for herself.

Then, he would say, 'Mission successful' like a good soldier would. Then, he'd move on to the next mission.

That was what he did since the start anyway. He didn't like to be aimless or to live. He always searched for that next mission, the next fight, the next battle to keep him going.

It was why, for all his fuss of 'hating the war', the first thing he did when he woke up in this world, was to search for war. The very first thing he searched for was not a new life, but an army to join and fight with.

He yearned for it. Deep down, fighting to death was his home.

Someone like that, someone like him, didn't deserve to be loved.

I lived a life killing with my mech.

And he sure as hell would die doing that.

The Grey Knight, a wandering pilot with his machine, once a part of the heroine's party, becoming nothing but a hired gun removing monsters, demons, or even other humans based on whichever mission he had. That was practically the future he had.

So why drag them with him—?

A slap. It made his face turn to the left. A red mark appeared on his cheek, and he couldn't help but touch it, feeling a hot, searing pain.

"Hans…" Adelyn hissed. "What the hell is with that self-pitying look on you?!"

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Hans looked down.

"Can we talk about this another time instead?"

"This is where you and I are good at. Running away from things that must be discussed. But I'm done with it. No, we are talking about this. Why are you looking down on yourself?"

"...It's none of your business."

"I want it to be my business."

"Why? Do you fancy yourself a therapist now?"

"Don't make me laugh. I know that damned look on your face. And I…I want it to be my business. Because I'm a nosy woman who pokes into things that shouldn't involve me. That's who I am. And if you hate that, then you should have left since the first day we got here, when I demanded that you foolishly follow me because of my rank."

"...What are you saying?"

"I said what I said. You know I am this kind of person, someone who will watch your every move. Someone who will keep an eye on you, and make you follow a million silly rules while dragging you to a million silly adventures. Yet you chose me. You clearly need someone you can follow. How can I turn away someone like you, and leave you alone?"

"You're going to make me laugh."

"Then laugh. You're nothing but a boy who wants someone to guide you because you don't trust yourself enough. That's what that damned look on your face is. You don't trust yourself enough. You hate yourself. So you chose me, someone you can place on a pedestal so high, you can follow her anywhere and fight for her no matter how foolish and annoying she is to you."

"...Then why do you still play that role for me?"

"Because you chose me. I said it already. Now, you'll have to live with the consequences you knew you'd face when you agreed to stay with me. So I want you to stop moping around like that, and face me!"

She pulled his face up and forced him to stare at her eyes.

"There. Now we can talk better. Hans, please, just cease this. It hurts to watch you like this. How dare you, how dare you work this hard, sacrifice so many things for me, yet look at me as if you don't see me in your future."

"..."

"See. I'm right on the money again. I knew it with every little thing you do. The way you want to keep our connection professional. The way you refuse to take too much of the little things I give you. From sweets to food, to even a simple talk to ease your mind…"

"..."

"You run away too much. You always run from me, yet when trouble comes, you come back and push yourself to do your best for me. What kind of stupidity is that? To only give, and give, and give, but refuse to accept."

"...Then why not just enjoy it?"

"Because I'm not just a doll you can save endlessly while you pity yourself. I love you. Is that so hard to understand? I want to save you too, and I can't do that, when all you do, is to run away from me. And you know what, that's why I…love you."

"..."

"You never asked me to repay you. You say this and that about you, about your supposed awful qualities, about how you are a husk, about how you are undesirable. But if you really are a husk, then why would you do all that, to me, and ask for nothing? Tell me, Hans, how can I not fall for that?"

His eyes turned wide.

No, that…it made no sense.

Her logic had to be messed up.

"No, Hans," she smiled at him. "It's your logic that's messed up."

She buried her face on his chest again, as she hugged him.

"But we can fix that. One day, bit by bit. Every little knot messed up knot, that harms your heart. Or that stormy, cloudy mind of yours. Everything."

She looked up at him, and with her gentle fingers, wiped something on his cheeks.

"...What?"

"You're crying."

"I'm not."

"That's what I'm talking about. You bury everything that makes you human. And you deceived yourself fully," she went close to his ears, before whispering softly. "But not me."

As he felt Adelyn hug him so tightly, Hans…

He felt all those deaths. All those pain and unshed tears. Since the start, he did all of it…for what? For what?

Because he liked her. Someone so nice, so kind, and so precious.

Yet he thought he didn't deserve her. So he buried that.

And she somehow nailed that right.

How dare you…

How dare you…

"There, there…cry it all out, Hans. You never really cry, you know?"

Shut up. Shut up. I'm a soldier.

"That tough guy act of yours is bearing down on you too much."

Shut up. I fight. I just fight.

"Even you know those lies won't work on you anymore."

No one can like me. No one will like me. No one—

"So, I'll just try to overpower them myself. All those doubts, I'll clear them. Because I love you."

No.

"I love you."

No.

"I love you so much, my dearest hero."

I am not a hero. You are.

"You cowardly hero, who can't even take anything for himself. You won't even call yourself a hero when you've done so many things that qualify you for it."

Hans broke down in tears, as he felt her gently rub his back.

Damned little sappy talk. He didn't know he could lose this badly.

It was unfair to ambush him after a coma.

"And before you complain…all is fair in love and war, Lieutenant."

"...Next time, have more tact when you confess, Captain."

"I'm sorry. But my etiquette lessons aren't going to stop me when I see you waking up at last, and my heart explodes. So you'll just have to accept that you know how much I love you now, Hans. Besides…"

She hugged him tighter, as she giggled a bit.

"Who are you to talk that way when you just mocked a girl confessing her love to you?"

+++

Hans looked constipated.

…What am I supposed to say to her now? I made a big mess and fuss over there.

He wasn't exactly a good morning person, not especially when he just woke up from a coma, but that entire exchange, remembering all of it, made him want to take his Ruger out and end it all.

What the hell was he saying and feeling? It was all illogical. He sounded like a boy trying to act tough over there, and nothing that he said made any sense. It was like he was just yapping at her to make her go away.

That was…the most ungraceful he had ever been. He didn't look in any way shape or form like a proud officer of the Army there. Indeed, a Ruger might be the only way to fix this.

Maybe a loop would happen? He didn't know.

Ugh, damn it. I didn't even give her a yes or no answer. What am I, a teenager?

He rested his chin on the back of his hands. The table in front of him was empty, save for books and a bountiful basket filled with fruits.

Just looking at it, his mind started to imagine Adelyn in front of him, giving him a serving with a smile that the heavens would deem illegal.

Damn it, stop bringing her up, brain!

What she did to him earlier had to be a calculated crime. Now his mind is all messed up thinking about her endlessly. This had to be her fault.

"I just…whatever. I just need to learn how to deal with this then."

"Sir Hans," a tiny voice called from him on the side. "Lady Adelyn said you finally woke up?"

He looked at the door. Outside, with her hands close to her chest, was Alizée. She stared up at him, shyly at first, before she teared up.

"You really are awake, Sir Hans," she squeaked, before rushing to his side and hugging him. "Sir Hans, Sir Hans! Everyone, everyone was so worried about you. Especially me…"

"Alizée…" Hans breathed out, before patting her silver hair as she wept. "Now, now…I'm back already. There's no need to worry anymore."

He smiled a bit.

"You're all just such worrywarts, I guess."

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