Nar groaned as he came to, wondering why his bed felt so hard under him…

"Sore?" someone asked.

His eyes flared open and he backed up against the wall.

"What the…"

"Relax," Jasphaer said, squeezing his shoulder. "You're okay. Probably sore from sleeping on the floor, but your HP healed up the rest."

"My HP…"

Nar sat up straighter, his eyes widening.

"Don't worry!" the healer said, as Nar's hand flew to his left leg. "You held on long enough to keep healing your wound. I just meant that your HP healed the burning damage inside you."

"Oh…"

Nar sighed and leaned back against the wall. "Thank the Crystal."

"That's what your teacher ordered you to do, right? The Ascendant…"

Memories flooded Nar's mind and he groaned again, grimacing against them.

"Yeah… We know," Jasphaer said, making a face of his own.

"Damn it…" Nar muttered. "I mean, I wasn't trying to hide it from you… Or maybe I was."

"Were you supposed to heal on the way back?" the healer asked him.

"No. She wanted me to come here and do it," Nar said. "She wanted you all to know."

"I see," Jasphaer said, his tone soft. "It's a good thing. That way we can properly support you, though I can see why you didn't want to tell us."

"Yeah…"

Maybe that's what she actually wanted, Nar thought. To make it more bearable for me, rather than all that stuff about standing alone, the weakness in family or whatever she actually said.

He closed his eyes, pressing hard against the sting behind them. Tys was not evil, and he knew that she wasn't taking any pleasure from hurting him. If anything, she had been withdrawn and terse the previous night, her posture tense and her voice strained… It made him wonder if he wasn't the only one having nightmares about their late-night sessions, and maybe, she really just wanted his party to be there for him and lighten his load somewhat.

He shook his head.

I guess I do prefer not to have to hide it. But Crystal, this is going to be another annoying talk, isn't it?

"Uhm… Can you give me a hand, please?" he asked the healer.

Jasphaer offered him his hand and hoisted him to his feet.

There's some [Strength] in there, Nar thought, given how easily the man pulled him up.

"Can you stand?" the healer asked him.

"Yeah. I think so. Thank you."

Then he paused.

"Did you stay up?" Nar asked him. "Watching me?"

"I did."

"Oh… Crystal. I'm so sorry, man."

"Don't be," Jasphaer said, shrugging awkwardly. "It's part of my duties as a healer and I've spent plenty of nights awake, monitoring patients. I'm used to it, so really, don't worry about it."

"Still… We have dungeons today."

Jasphaer smiled. "Honestly, I'm used to it. There was a lot of sleepless training in the curriculum, and if I have too, I can cycle to keep myself going."

Nar's eyebrows rose in his forehead. "You can do that?"

"Aura's potential is only limited by yourself," the healer said. "As you're learning, right?"

Nar glanced down at his leg.

"I guess…"

Jasphaer nodded. "And honestly don't worry about it. If anything, it was awesome to see you at work! Any opportunity to watch someone else's healing, even self-healing, is another opportunity to learn. If anything, I was going to ask you if it was okay for me to keep observing you? I'm trying to learn a skill called [Healing Infusion], that allows me to infuse some aura into someone and let it passively heal them until it runs out, and watching you might actually help me unlock it. I… I have been struggling with it for a while. I'm supposed to walk away from the person and let my aura remain within them to continue healing them on its own, but…"

He grimaced, his swampy green eyes staring down at the floor, his long ears flattened against the sides of his dark, furry neck. "I'm still very limited in what I can do, and this could really help me…"

"You're not limited to anything!" Nar said, smiling at the healer. "And sure. If it helps, feel free to watch as much as you want."

He hesitated. "I would invite you to come along, if my teacher doesn't mind it, of course. But…"

"Yeah. Even for my healer's stomach that might be a bit much," Jasphaer mumbled. "I appreciate the thought though."

"No worries."

"Go on, go get ready," Jasphaer urged. "The others will be up soon, and maybe you want to wash off whatever that gear didn't soak up before they see it. And maybe stick with the porridge for breakfast today. Something bland but nutritious and hot is just what you need after a night like that."

"Got it… And thank you, Jasphaer," Nar said.

The healer gave him a nod. "No worries."

"Uhm… Jasphaer," Nar called as the healer turned away.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I really mean it. And I'm glad you joined us. I, and everyone else, will do everything not to let you or your goals down."

Jasphaer grinned at him, small wrinkles forming easily around his green eyes.

"I know. I think I've come to a good party," he said, scanning the others' sleeping forms.

Now that Nar noticed, the others had all fallen asleep with their curtains open, and Mul had even angled his pillow so that he could stare at him… Or so it seemed. He was sure that the brawler would deny it.

Nar sighed and shook his head, but there was a burning sensation behind his eyes.

"It is a good party," Nar said. "You'll see."

**********

Neither Kur nor Gad approached him the next day. Neither did anyone else.

Nar caught a few glances being thrown his away by Kur, Tuk and Mul, but other than that, everyone just focused on getting through another long slog of dungeons.

As before, Mul and Gad suffered the most, still struggling to get the basics of their changed paths off the ground.

Sometimes Gad managed to set off her aggro flows with surprising ease, but more often than not, it still took her a few tries to get them up, and while she struggled to do so, either Viy or Nar took care to keep the boss occupied, Tuk and Rel making sure they didn't get overrun by the adds that always accompanied these boss encounters.

Mul continued to struggle to cycle aura into his fists in the new way that would allow him to both protect his hands with aura, and deliver the same devastating DPS as before, if not more. And though he grumbled and muttered non-stop throughout the entire day, even on breaks, he never once balked from the challenge before him.

As for Viy, she had learned from her mistake in that first dungeon, and she only ever used her AOE when there was nothing above their heads, and she made sure to stay well away from the rest of them when she used it.

Nar, for his part, made sure to keep well away from her as well. Having seen first-hand the devastating effects that her guilt AOE had on Rel, Cen and, surprisingly, Kur as well, he wasn't keen on feeling those same effects. While he had told her before that he felt no guilt about anything, he wasn't sure if that was still the case now. And he wasn't ready to suddenly start hallucinating about his dad… Or hear the accusations that would spew from his mouth, conjured by his own guilty mind. Even knowing that it wouldn't be real, he wasn't in a state to deal with such a thing.

And so, the day dragged on with very little in terms of highlights. If anything, they were all grateful not to have to be blasted again before being allowed to board the beetle back to the Scimitar. However, as they said their goodnights and Nar headed off to meet Tys once more, he knew that eventually the talk would come, and he wasn't sure yet what he would say when it did.

"Nar?" Gad called him as they were wrapping up lunch the next day.

He tensed. "Yes?"

"We have some time before aura class. Let's go spar."

And that was it. The moment had arrived and silence descended across the table. Kur, Mul, Tuk and Jasphaer kept their eyes on their plates, expressions tight and grim, but Jul, Rel, Cen and Viy, despite being confused and in the dark, didn't miss the change in atmosphere, and stared between the two of them.

The charged tension that passed between Nar's furrowed countenance and Gad's seemingly neutral one was enough to let them know that something was going.

"Sure," he said, looking back down to his food.

He noticed the girls sharing glances of continued confusion amongst them, but he was glad to keep them in the dark for a while longer. If any of them knew of how he'd been spending the last three nights, and how he would be spending tonight and the rest of the nights until the Brightnight, and potential beyond that, the whole Pile would come crashing down on him. And he wasn't ready to face that. Not yet…

Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.

When would he? He had no idea. But not today, and not now.

He and Gad finished eating and with terse goodbyes to the others, they headed over to Nar's training room.

Maybe Kur will tell them, he thought, and perhaps even hoped he would. Can't see any of them not getting it out of him.

The two of them stalked through the corridors in a heavy silence, and the lift was the worst, its enclosed silence nearly suffocating. But if Gad didn't want to talk yet, then Nar even less so, and they continued in silence.

Eventually they reached the training room, and by the time they did, Nar was practically gnashing his teeth in anticipation of that conversation.

"We're here. No need to poke around the Pile," he said, closing the door behind them as the blinds at the back of the room rose to let the light in. "Just say what you want to say."

She folded her arms, looking every bit like one of the towering clouds outside, her stature and musculature having grown even more impressive in the months of training in the Tanks Hall, her scales gleaming a deep dark, and her spikes raised as if ready to pierce through anything.

"What there's no need for, is that tone," she retorted. "I have never wanted anything other than the best for you, and now is no different. So spare me the attitude!"

Nar glared at her, but guilt sparked within his heart, and he dropped his shoulder.

"There's no need to talk about it, Gad," Nar said, his tone softer. "This is my choice."

"There is a need to talk about it, Nar," Gad said. "You just don't want to talk about it. And do you know why?"

She remained where she was, her arms folded, like an unbreakable, unyielding pillar in the middle of the room, and Nar looked down at his feet, unable to meet her blazing black eyes.

"It's because there's something you're hiding, and where there's hiding, there's guilt, and nobody wants to talk about what they're guilty of. But we will. Now. Before this has any chance to fester into something worse."

Nar groaned and passed a hand over his hair. "And what do you want to talk about? Is it that much of a secret? Uh? Are my intentions not obvious enough? And why are they a problem anyways? This is my choice! No one needs to interfere! That's the way we do things in this party, or are we suddenly changing that?"

Gad unfurled her muscular arms and in three steps she was towering before him.

"It is your choice, but you are doing it for me! For us!" she hissed in her face, her flat inches from his.

By the Crystal, he had done it. Her anger roiled off of her like a physical, all-encompassing grip, and this was probably the angriest he had ever seen her.

"Why?" he asked her, defiantly meeting her eyes. "I'm the one going through it. Not any of you!"

"But you are doing it for us!" she snapped. "How do you think I felt this morning when I woke up, and Kur told me the state you arrived in last night? How do you think I feel knowing that you're going to that woman again and that she's going to torture you, uh?"

"It's for my path. My drea…"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" she roared in his face.

Nar took a step back. This was anger on a whole other level…

"How would you feel if it was me doing it, and you knew I was doing it for you?" Gad asked. "How would you feel, Nar? Tell me!"

Cold fury kindled within him, and stepped back right into her face.

"I would feel exactly like I feel now, knowing that you're about to sign that contract and give up a hundred years for us! To keep us fed and looked after! And don't you lie to me! You can't tell me that's not the biggest reason why you're considering it!" Nar spat.

Doubt flickered in her eyes.

"And more than that, Gad… You even changed your affinity," he whispered. Not in anger, but sadness now. "You've never cared for flows or anything like that… But just as the party needed a solution for Mul and Viy, here you come with a perfect one! Go on! Deny it!"

A shudder passed through the tank's shoulders, and she took a step back. She looked down, and folded her arms, hugging herself, and paced the room.

Regret tamed Nar's fury, and he almost raced to hug her. As strong and mighty as she was, the older sister to the lot of them, she was still sapient. Still someone struggling like they all did, and he regretted the anger in his words, even if knew that they rang true.

"That is different," she said, looking towards the towering, bright and shimmering clouds outside with a distant look to her eyes. "Yes, my affinity does feel suspiciously perfect for us. And yes, knowing that I would be well paid, that I could care for you all, does weigh heavily on my mind. Even if I need to take a path that takes me away from you all, or even if I need to join other parties or make new companions, the bond we forged in the Climb will never be broken. Never! I will never allow it! And I'm more than happy to this for us all."

"Gad, I…"

She turned to face him.

"That our party will not last forever is a reality that we will need to face at some point. In my eyes, it's inevitable."

He clenched his jaw, and in his chest, his heart felt tight.

"But we are more than just a party. We are a family, as corny as that sounds," she said, a hint of a smile touching her lips. "And yes, while I want to look after you, and them, there is a growing part of me that is looking onwards. Into the future."

She shook her head.

"We're all finally starting to live, Nar. Mul decided for himself that he wanted to follow the path of the berserker because he finally wanted to take his fate in his hands. Tuk spends every free hour he has exploring this ship, meeting people, having fun and making new friends, and living new experiences, just like he always wanted to do," she said, her tone gentle. "Cen is obsessed with aura, and that is unlikely to ever change, and she's happy where she is. More than happy, I'd say. And Kur too, despite the challenges he is facing, especially after we almost died in that dungeon, he will eventually surpass them, and aim somewhere really, really high. Of that I have no doubt! As for Rel, she will follow her heart, and that will take her wherever her quest for redemption takes her, and more than likely that is a journey she will have to undertake alone. Jul has found kinship with her master, and a proper mother figure showing her the way to bravery, and to living a life of her own design is exactly what she needs. And now, only Crystal knows where that is going to take her."

She sighed, taking a deep breath after her long discourse.

"As for Viy, that, I do not know yet. But I will keep her under my eyes for as long as possible, and take her with me if I can," the tank said, her spikes lowering somewhat. "And as for myself, yes, a hundred years is a long time. But I chose to be a tank for a reason. I left for a reason. And in this controller path I can see that reason being fulfilled. I can see myself being fulfilled. And honestly? I'm pretty sure that I'm going to sign that contract, and see where it leads me. And if I want to dedicate a large portion of my earnings to my family, the people I love the most in the whole of Creation, then who can fault me for it?"

Nar, who had approached her and now stood beside her, hung his head at the truth in her words.

"And then there's you, Nar. We all know why you left," she told him. "The Clean took your future, and your dad sacrificed himself in order to give you a shot at a different one. We all know that you would have done everything in your power to reach him again… And to get him out into the light and color that we've found outside. Into a ship of your own and a happy life, and Nar…"

She reached over and gently lifted his chin so that he would look at her.

"I never thought it was a foolish dream," she whispered. "Never! And even now, I haven't given up! I will not give up until we have exhausted every single option! Until we have looked, tried and begged for it! I will not give up on your dad! I promised you this in the name of the Crystal, and I promise you again. Unless the gods themselves stop me, I will not give up!"

Nar pressed his eyes shut.

"It's over, Gad…" he whispered. "The gods are stopping us."

She shook him gently. "We don't know that yet! That god you spoke to might have a way! A secret way of getting you down there, and we most likely don't have the whole story yet! We haven't even tried anything yet! And until we have, and exhausted all the possibilities, we won't stop trying. Or believing in it! None of us will!"

He nodded. Telling her to forget about it now would just insult her. So instead, he did the right thing. He allowed himself to feel gratitude, even if he did believe that no matter how much they tried, the way back was shut. Forever. Even if a tiny, tiny pinprick at the back of his mind, or within his very core, wanted to rebel at that idea… Wanted to raise up and fight Creation Itself in order to return for the man who had sacrificed it all for him.

"And that brings me to what you are doing," she continued, her tone hardening. "You think you've lost your goal, and you're scrambling to hold onto anything else. Whatever it may be! And you've got it in your head that becoming a Named Few is the best way to protect us!"

"And is it not?" he asked, his voice worn. "Remember what happened to us in that hospital and tell me I'm wrong. Remember what we were told about the nobles, the Nexus, and tell me that I am wrong. Remember how they treated us after we survived that corrupted dungeon, Gad, and tell I'm wrong! Tell me that, convince me of that, and I will gladly never see Tys again, or allow her to stab me with her fucking fingers again!"

At his side, Gad remained silent, and her spikes now lay fully flat against her skull and neck. Defeated.

"You can't, can you?" he asked her. "Not after the life you had in the cubeplant. Not after those cannibals. Not after that Climb or that fucking Ceremony, or that damned hospital!"

Nar exhaled harshly and paced away from her, his brow furrowed with hatred and resentment he could barely contain, his very aura churning within him, setting his pathways ablaze.

"All my life there's been someone telling me what to do. Controlling me and my future!" he said, whirling around to face her stony countenance. "First, they made me Unclean and hated me for it. Then they forced me into those factories and those double shifts when I was just a kid! And for 14 years I labored for them! Then I had to Climb and earn my forgiveness for a sin that I still don't know what it is, or will likely never fucking know! A sin that has ruled me from birth, and they won't even have the decency to tell me what it is!"

He grunted through his teeth, throwing his hands in the air. "Then you had the cannibals. And then the Ceremony. And then that trash in that hospital… On top of all that you can Pile on that nobles can basically do whatever the fuck they want with us, and anybody stronger can also do whatever the fuck they want to us, no matter how horrible and non-sapient it is, and that would just be our lot in life! Our poor luck! So tell me, Gad, what part of what I'm doing is wrong, uh? I'm the only one amongst us that can do it! That can get so powerful that everyone will think twice before they even look in our direction! I'm the only one who can climb high enough to tear through the Nexus if need be, to make sure that our future is protected! So yes, it's my duty! It's what I want to do for the people I love the most in this fucked up existence, so tell me why it's so wrong?"

He stood, fists clenched, panting before her.

"You all sacrificed to carry me on the way up, and don't even try to deny it! I was useless for a long, long while before my class started doing something!" Nar said, his voice hoarse. "And now, it's my turn to do something for you all. So just let me!"

"You've done more than enough already, Nar," she breathed. "More than enough."

Nar shrugged. "Not in my eyes. And besides, you are right. Without my goal, my dream, I am lost. So I need this. I need something to hold onto… And who knows, maybe this will open up a future for me. I'll have to find out when I'm ready. But right now… I'm just not. I'm just not…"

He sighed, and suddenly felt weak on his legs, a night of torture and little sleep compounding with the renewed and even more brutal training he'd had with the Master of Blades that morning, as well as all the sparring in the Blades Hall following that. Was it a crazy pace? Undoubtedly! Could he take it? Again, no doubts there. Could it be bad in the long term? Perhaps, but right now, he just needed it. He needed that goal as a lifeline to hold onto as his entire life threatened to crumble around him.

"Please, let me do this. I know how heavy it is, but you're not to blame for my decision. None of you are," he said. "I'm just doing what I've always said I would. Become a Named Few, and that's all there is to it."

Gad lowered herself to the floor, crouching, a hand covering her face. Nar approached her and sat by her side.

"It's a lot you ask of me… Of us," she whispered, through her big, clawed hand.

"I know," he said. "I would've felt like shit if it was you. I still do, to be honest, given that contract. So yes, I know it's a selfish request, but right now, this is the only thing keeping me together…"

Suddenly, she had him in a crushing embrace.

"I will keep you together. We all will!" she breathed in his ear, and he felt a wetness on her cheek. "You will never be alone, Nar! Never! Even if I need to drag you with me into the Deep Deep and all my raids, I always stand by you!"

He smiled and hugged her back. "And I by you, Gad. You will never be alone either."

She gave him one last, bone crushing squeeze and let go.

"I still don't know how I feel about this," she said, wiping her cheeks. "But I don't have the right to stop you either…"

She sighed. "I will keep the others off your back. It would be a pain to have this conversation another seven times."

He snorted. "Yeah. It would. Thank you."

She shook her head.

"This is not me giving up, Nar. This training… It better be just a phase. Something on a timeline that has a clear beginning and an ending. But if it goes on for longer than I can stomach it, and know that my limit is not that far, then next time I'll be having this conversation with her. Whatever her goals and vision for your path are, there are many ways of doing things. Many!"

Nar nodded. "Fair enough."

Just as she couldn't stop him, there was no way he could stop her from confronting Tys. And maybe Gad was right. Maybe Tys was picking the worst possible way to get the results she wanted…

No, he thought. She knows exactly what she's doing.

The brutality of it all was part of it, and he was thankful for it.

The Nexus had proved itself a brutal place, and he needed to toughen up in order to actually protect them.

He shook his head. For now, let's just keep going. No matter how painful it is, it will be worth it.

And he believed it.

He brought a smile to his lips and glanced at Gad, who was staring intently at him.

"So… Do you still want to spar?"

She grinned.

"Might as well."

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.