The forest trail was wide enough to make walking easy but overgrown enough to feel like you'd lucked onto some natural deer path. The first part was nice but it was the second that really mattered in my book. I wanted that sense of discovery, of exploration, that more touristy parks lost when they made their paths big enough for a tanker truck to drive down. Disneyfied my dad called it, and he wasn't wrong.

Thick ferns lined the way, a darker green than the moss that climbed the trunks of the tall pines all around. This wasn't like the few years I'd spent in the Midwest where most trees shed their leaves during the winter, looking as forlorn and barren as the plowed fields that surrounded them. Here in the Pacific Northwest there was always something green to see, even if it was only the furry moss that grew on stones and rooftops just as easily as it did bark.

On hikes like this, you felt a hundred miles from anywhere, even if in truth was a fraction of that. It was beautiful to be sure, especially with the midday sun peeking through the treetops above, but goodness gracious if it wasn't also cold. I rubbed my hands over my too thin jacket, wishing that the sunlight had some warmth to it beyond the shine. Gloves. I really needed to buy some gloves.

I picked up the pace, knowing the more I got my blood flowing, the warmer I'd be; science classes weren't my strong suit, but that was a correlation I could handle.

To distract myself in the meantime, I thought back to why I had decided to come out here in the first place. To stretch my legs? Clear my head? I paused at a switch back that overlooked part of the valley below, puzzling over how I couldn't quite recall. It was hardly the first time I'd gotten lost in one thought or another, so I shrugged it off, returning to the trail proper. Maybe if I walked a bit longer I'd remember.

Another ten or so minutes in, my hip vibrated, and I fished the phone out of my pocket, unsure who would be calling. It was an old-timey flip phone since my smartphone was a glorified paperweight out here – don't ask me why; ask AT&T.

It wasn't a call, just a text message.

Watch out

Well, that was both ominous and nonspecific. I turned in place, the long dead pine leaves muffling the sound of my sneakers. The tree trunks here were generally thin, so seeing between them was no trouble. I didn't spot anyone or anything that looked particularly threatening, unless the slug who had turned my shoe into his personal Mount Everest counted.

Shaking my foot off, I checked my phone again. It showed the incoming number as 000. What the heck? Was that some sort of emergency line, or was one of my buddies trying to mess with me? Four of us had rented a cabin up here along with enough kung fu movies to watch for three days straight and vodka to take a bath in. I still had a headache from our bender last night, which was probably why I couldn't put my finger on why I was basically sleep-hiking.

Had Malcolm hacked my phone? He managed to stomp us silly in any video game we played – geek fingers, we called it – so maybe he could pull off something like this, too. You could learn pretty much anything on YouTube these days, and if it meant a good prank, my friends would cram harder than the valedictorian of the state college we all attended, particularly when I was the target.

My phone buzzed again.

To your right

Okay, there was no way an emergency line would be sending a message like that to everyone. Somebody was definitely trying to troll me. I opened my mouth to out whoever it was, and that's when I heard it – or didn't, I should say. I had seen a video once that explained how some people needed to sleep with white noise because they were still tapped into their baser survival instincts, which told them that steady sounds meant safety. When nature was quiet on the other hand, you better pay attention.

That's how it was now. I hadn't even noticed the birds chirping and insects thrumming until they were gone, like some unseen maestro had waved their baton, silencing them all in unison. I froze, and after a moment of standing there like a dunce, I ducked down. I still felt like a chump, hiding from something that probably wasn't there to begin with. If this was my friends, they'd ride me silly about how they "got me" for the rest of Spring Break, but even that didn't get me to move, not with how high the hair on the back of my neck was standing.

I checked my phone for any more updates, but it was just those two messages, nothing else. Should I write back? I glanced up, checking the path both ways but seeing no one. I didn't like the idea of focusing on my phone that long.

"To the right," it had said. I should either check that direction or hightail it the opposite way. Curiosity won out, and I scooted over to the rightmost fern. Just a few moments ago, I had thought my steps silent, but now the soft scritch scratch they made sounded painfully loud in my ears. I didn't have far to go though and soon I was peeking my head up between the lazy fronds.

I'd been thinking that maybe a wild bear was on the loose, or it was just my friends being their fun-loving, sassafras selves. Instead, about half a football field away, I saw a floating red portal hovering in the air, straight out of some Marvel movie. The edges of it dribbled fluid like blood that turned the plants below it smokey when the two came into contact.

"What in the sweet Baby Jesus?" I whispered, my breath misting the air.

And then, from the swirling vortex that was its center, creatures began to step through the portal into the forest. The newcomers were just as green as the leaves and moss, with long noses and ears. From a distance it was hard to tell, but they seemed small, maybe three or four feet tall, but that didn't make them any less terrifying because they were most certainly not human. I had only been drinking last night, hadn't I? Had Vic snuck some shrooms in the mix when I wasn't looking?

I almost slapped myself to check, but the creatures started snuffling the air with their long noses, gibbering to each other in some sort of dialect I was sure I had never heard in the Language Building.

If there was ever a time to call the police or fire department or someone, that time was now, so I fumbled at my phone, only to find I had no bars.

"Well shoot," I whispered. I glanced back over the fern. The creatures were still talking, maybe a dozen of them on this side of the portal, pointing in different directions. I didn't see any weapons in their hands, just clawed fingers, and their legs were definitely shorter than mine. Outrunning them was something I should be able to do. I was no track and field star like Benny, but with those things on my tail, I could probably break some records.

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I tensed my legs, and that's when my phone buzzed again, nearly giving me a heart attack.

Goblins. Good hearing. Don't run.

Don't run? Nevermind that I was getting messages now with zero bars, but I was just supposed to sit here and wait to get jumped? That question I did go ahead and type out, waiting a tense few seconds while trying to keep my attention on the goblins – Goblins? For real? – and my phone. When I got a message back, I was able to start breathing again.

They will fan out. Take one down.

Take one down? How was I supposed to do that? Sure, I'd breezed in and out of Judo Club for a semester, and I liked button mashing in fighting games as much as the next guy, but I couldn't actually do anything dangerous.

Sensing my mounting freak out, my body decided it was the perfect time to dump all the adrenaline it had on hand into my system, which just turned me into more of a jittery mess, undecided between fight or flight. "Chill out, man," I whispered to myself through teeth that practically chattered, the cold not helping in the slightest. "Just chill out."

I definitely outweighed those goblin-things, so if it was one-on-one, I should have the advantage. I could wrestle it to the ground and then what? Strangle it? I ate meat, yes I did, but only because I didn't have to do all the messy stuff vegans put on poster boards when protesting the cafeteria menu. "Kill or be killed," I said, trying to hype myself up. "You don't wanna go out a virgin, do you?" On the drive up here my buddies and I had talked big about meeting local girls at the small town's one bar, but in the end, we'd just stayed in, doing shots. I'd give just about anything to turn back the clock on that pisspoor decision, and if I was wishing, I might as well not be on the worst-timed-hike-in-history and have a phone that could receive more than creepy, cryptic messages.

"Grikugk, snarshd feks."

Man, even the way they talked to each other wasn't friendly. I peeked over the fern again, and tasted bile in the back of my throat as soon as I saw that one of them was heading my way. The rest were indeed spreading out, but the other was coming at me like a homing missile. I ducked back down before the goblin spotted me and let all his little friends know.

I didn't dare talk aloud with them so close, especially not if they had good hearing, but my internal monologue was going a mile a minute. You've got this. You've got this. YOU'VE GOT THIS. The last happened at the same time the goblin cleared the fern and we came eye-to-eye, his yellow ones narrowing as soon as he spotted me. In that moment of truth, I hesitated, wondering if there was any way we could talk this out, and he used the opportunity to leap at me, claws first. His taloned fingers dug deeply into my left arm, but I hardly felt it as I tackled him in return.

Just like we did on the matts in Judo, I didn't hold still as we tumbled around on the path, gradually working my way behind him. The fact that he was only the size of a fifth grader definitely helped, and it wasn't long before I had my right arm wrapped around the front of his neck while I pressed the forearm of my bleeding left against the back of his neck, creating a vice. He tried to bury his chin under my right arm so he could bite me with those nasty teeth of his, but I rotated my shoulders back, increasing the pressure. My own nose was buried in the back of his hairless, knobby head. He smelled like a wet dog that had rolled around in horse manure.

He flailed about as I continued to cut off his air supply, wheezing words I was sure he would shout if he could. Then his body bucked against mine, once, twice, before going still. I kept the pressure on a few more heartstopping moments and then slid out from behind him. I had choked people out before in Judo Club and had the same done to me, but I wasn't sure how long I needed to hold on to actually strangle someone, let alone a goblin. It looked dead. Blood vessels broken in its eyes, and its overlong tongue hanging out of its mouth.

I leaned closer to tell better if its chest was moving, and it lurched upright with a hiss. With reactions I didn't know I had, I punched wildly at the creature's midsection, like I was Donnie Chen in IP Man, one fist connecting rapidly after the next until the goblin was back on the ground and even after that. I wasn't particularly strong, but against its little body, I could feel the bones snapping under my knuckles and see the yellow blood spurting out of its mouth. I don't know how long I treated it like a green-skinned punching bag, but my shoulders and knuckles were sore by the time I stopped, and I was panting hard, like I'd run a marathon I hadn't properly trained for.

I think it was because I was half leaning over that I noticed the strange bone pendant lodged in the hollow of the goblin's throat. I thought maybe it was a necklace of some sort but when I pried it free, it was just a bone with a symbol on it, sort of like a Viking rune, but more jagged.

My phone buzzed from where it was discarded a few feet away, and I groaned quietly as I retrieved the device.

Swallow it.

"Oh no, no, no," I muttered. I had once eaten a full stick of butter on a dare and thoroughly regretted it both on the way in and out. "Can we start with who you are instead?" I typed. "And what in the world is going on, please?"

The phone was dark for a moment, and I worried that it wouldn't answer. I also worried that other goblins might be circling around my way. I had tried to "handle" this one as quietly as I could, but I didn't know if that counted for much. I didn't know much of anything, in fact, and was probably in shock right now if I was being honest with myself.

Earth is being invaded by foreign realms.

None of those were words I wanted to see strung together in a sentence, and my eyes caught on the last one. "Realms? As in plural?"

Correct.

I am Earth's deity but can currently only offer information.

We must use their power against them.

Earth's god? I had never been the most religious fellow, but after strangling a goblin, I was considerably more open to the possibilities the universe may offer. I held up the disgusting piece of bone, covered in yellow blood the consistency of gag-shop slime.

"And you're saying this will give me power?" If I wanted to warn my friends and everyone else about what was happening, I needed to be able to get down this mountain in one piece, and I was already bleeding.

Correct.

Swallow it so it can integrate with your system.

Still, betting my life on text messages claiming to be god felt six ways to stupid. Was this really the best way to do what I needed? That's how I felt until the phone sent another message that made my blood run just as cold as the breeze.

This was only the first wave and the weakest at that.

You must be prepared to survive.

I had barely made it against that goblin, and even if I could get to the cabin, it's not like we had anything there that would help us in a fight. We could take Vic's car, sure, but what if the goblins and whatever else attacked us on the way?

"Bottoms up, I guess." I wiped the gross little nugget on my jeans and then popped it into my mouth before I could second guess myself. It was like trying to take a pill two sizes too big, and I had to swallow hard half a dozen times before it finally went down. When it did, a burning pulse shot through my body, making me feel more awake than if I had chugged a thermos full of coffee, and that wasn't even the craziest thing: as I watched, the angry scratches on my arm from the goblin's claws sealed shut like I was gods-damn Wolverine.

I looked back at my phone.

Congratulations.

You have gained the Scavenger Class.

How would you like to evolve your body?

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