The World's First Dungeon Vs Zane

Chapter 36: Spike Traps and Dad Jokes


The heavy thrum of the semi-trailer's engine gradually faded into the distance as Dave rumbled back down the long dirt driveway. A faint orange glow from the truck's oversized load signs flickered between the trees before vanishing completely.

Zane clapped his hands together and turned to the group with a wide grin. "Well," he said, voice booming with mischief, "we got people to do and things to see!"

Groans erupted from Lily, Kai, and Bell in unison.

"Zaaaane," Bell whined, dragging out his name as if the pun had physically hurt her.

Kai let out an exaggerated sigh. "Dad jokes are a crime, you know."

Even Lily rolled her eyes. "You've been saving that one, haven't you?"

But Tarni just gave Zane a solid thumbs up, utterly unbothered by the terrible humour. "Classic," he said with a smirk. "Don't encourage him," Bell muttered.

"Right, team," Zane said, tone shifting as he glanced over the landscape with a growing sense of purpose. "We've got gear, tools, an excavator the size of a small building, and enough timber and scrap to make a Mad Max set designer proud. Let's figure out how to make this place a fortress."

They all gathered around the back of the ute, which still had supplies packed to the brim from their recent haul. With the sun inching toward late afternoon, golden light cast long shadows over the gravel clearing. A whiteboard—salvaged from the local Bunnings on a whim—was propped up on a stack of plywood. Kai handed Zane a marker, and the family's war council officially began.

The ideas flowed fast, practical and ridiculous in equal measure.

"Alright," Zane said, scribbling with surprising neatness for a man who carried cement bags like shopping. "We're going to dig a trench—two metres deep, one metre wide—just inside the fence line. We fill it with spike traps—wooden punji-style stakes, coated with that foul-smelling grease we got in the clearance section."

"That'll ruin a goblin's day," Tarni said approvingly.

"We'll keep it covered with sheets of ply or camo netting. Something they won't spot unless they're already in it."

Bell nodded. "And we stagger it—not just one long trench, but sections. That way if something gets in and avoids one, it'll probably stumble into the next."

"And if it doesn't," Lily added, "we'll make sure the next line of defence is even nastier."

Kai tapped a knuckle on the whiteboard. "We also picked up those solar sensor lights. We mount 'em high—top of trees or poles. Anything moves near the fence line, we get an automatic spotlight."

"Which'll wake us up, and blind whatever's coming in," Zane added.

"Oh! And the bells on string," Bell said. "Low tech, but still effective. A couple of fishing lines strung between poles will give us an audio cue."

"Motion sensor plus cowbell. Works a treat," Tarni grinned.

"We've got the barbed wire too," Kai said, flipping through a list on his phone. "We can make a few rolls to place just beyond the trench. That'll funnel any intruders toward the spike traps."

"Great thinking," Zane nodded. "Let's make sure there's enough path for us to get out or in without walking into our own bloody traps."

"And remember," Tarni added, patting the machete now permanently strapped to his hip, "we bought enough of these for everyone. I want to see one on every hip, no exceptions. These are tools and weapons."

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

"Except mine's pink," Lily muttered.

"Better to hide all the blood on it," kai offered with a grin.

There was a pause as that image settled.

Zane clapped again. "Alright. Bell and Lily, you sort the sensor lights and bell alarms. Tarni and I'll start trenching. Kai, you're in charge of organising the spike traps and making sure we have all the gear prepped before sunset."

Kai gave a mock salute. "Aye aye, Captain Dad."

As they split up into action, the quiet energy of planning shifted to the purposeful hum of work. The excavator roared to life, spitting dust into the golden sky. Tarni took the controls first, letting the machine chew into the dry earth like it was slicing butter. Zane followed behind, marking the next sections with spray paint while Kai prepped sharpened stakes in batches.

Bell stood at the base of one of the taller trees, calculating how to mount a solar light with just a drill, rope, and a ladder that didn't quite reach the height she needed.

"Do you reckon we could throw it up there with a rope tied and just… yank it into place?" Lily asked, holding up the light.

Bell considered it, then grinned and climbed up and stood on the top rung of the ladder like she was standing on solid ground "Dexterity stats for the Win!"

As the sun dipped lower, their laughter occasionally rang through the clearing, blending with the mechanical growl of the excavator and the sound of wood being hammered into punji stakes.

For all the strangeness of their new lives—goblins, the System, the titles, the stats—there was something comfortingly human in this chaos. A family making a stand. Preparing a home. And occasionally laughing at bad jokes.

By the time the stars began to peek through the darkening sky, the first section of trench was dug, the lights were mounted, and every hip bore a machete.

Zane stood beside Tarni at the edge of the trench and surveyed their work, breathing hard but smiling.

"Well," he said, nodding in satisfaction. "That's a bloody good start."

Tarni gave a low whistle. "I reckon if the goblins come again, they'll regret it."

Zane didn't answer immediately. He looked over at Bell, who was wiping dirt from her hands with a rag, and then at Kai and Lily, bent over the sensor system's wiring.

"Yeah," he said finally. "This time, we're ready for them."

Later That Night

The stars were sharp and clear overhead, the moon casting silver light over the battered fence and freshly dug trenches. Zane and Tarni sat around the old outdoor dining table under the house, with Bell, Lily, and Kai joining them as the last of the heat from the day clung to the wooden stilts above.

Dinner was a simple but hearty affair—barbecued sausages, fried onions, and bread toasted on the hotplate, with a tin of beans shared between them like it was treasure. The kind of meal that could've passed for camping food if it weren't for the trenches filled with punji stakes and solar lights blinking silently in the distance.

Despite the effort they'd put in that day—digging, lifting, wiring, sharpening, and not swearing—it surprised them all how quickly they felt full.

Tarni, wiping a smear of grease from his chin with the back of his hand, glanced around the table and grunted. "So... is it just me, or is everyone else not eating like a bloody pitbull tonight?"

Bell leaned back, setting down her plate, which still held half a sausage. "I was just thinking that," she said. "I feel stuffed. And I barely had two serves."

Kai, chewing the last bite of his second sandwich, frowned. "Same. Yesterday I could've eaten a whole cow with a side of fence posts."

Zane raised an eyebrow, his third sandwich half-finished. "Well, I'm not turning it down," he said with a chuckle, taking another bite—but even he looked surprised at how fast the fullness settled in.

Tarni pointed a greasy fork at him. "You levelled up two nights back, mate. You were chewing through meat like a drop bear on red cordial."

Zane snorted. "Fair."

Tarni leaned back on the creaky chair and scratched his jaw. "So it seems we only need to chow down like starved dingoes right after levelling up. Also I think the food help with my major injury. The body must be rebuilding or something. Burning through all the food to process the changes and repairs."

Lily made a face. "That... makes sense. Kind of gross, but also kind of cool."

"Cool unless you don't have food ready," Bell added. "Imagine levelling up in the middle of nowhere and suddenly needing to eat a whole pantry's worth just to feel normal again."

Tarni gave a mock-shudder. "Yeah, no thanks. I like my stomach un-collapsed."

Zane nodded thoughtfully. "That's something to remember. If we're planning to level someone up, make sure they've got food on hand right after. Load up the kitchen before you load up the stats."

The group chuckled at that, and the sound drifted up into the wooden rafters of the house like smoke.

Plates were scraped clean, but there was still food left uneaten—a rare thing in recent days. And instead of flopping into bed bloated and sluggish, everyone moved a little easier, a little lighter.

Tarni let out a slow breath, gazing out at the dark yard and the glowing arc of solar lights along the fence. "Feels like we're getting the hang of this."

"Yeah," Zane said. "Still wild. Still dangerous. But we're not just surviving anymore."

Bell gave him a small, knowing smile. "We're building."

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