The onion-carrying Alwin stared at the diamond-shaped crystal hovering above the seat.

"What do you mean you were expecting me, Lapis?" the MOH asked.

"Who said I was talking to you, little miss onion? I was talking to my beloved slime boy."

"Hi, Lapis!" Alwin said, wiggling his body around since he didn't have hands.

"Hi, slime boy apprentice of mine! How are you doing?"

"Do you want the real answer or the PR answer?"

"Oooh, PR answer first. Then the truth."

"Okie dokie. I—"

"Enough with your nonsense, Lapis!" the MOH shouted. "You took this child on as an apprentice and did horrible experiments on him, didn't you. Look at him. His mind is shattered. Undo whatever spell you've cast on him, this instance!"

"Or what? You gonna start crying like a wittle baby?"

"How dare you, Lapis. I am a Minister. Please respect my authority?"

"Yeah, the Minister of Healing. So, why don't you be a good little doggy and heel?"

The drones by her side let out small little barking yaps at the MOH.

"Ouch," Alwin said. "And I thought I was rude."

"You! You! You!" the MOH trembled in place, her skin growing redder by the second. "I'm going to report you to the Council. Both you and Latchland!"

"What for?" Lapis asked.

"Both of you assaulted a Core student. The same Core student for some Cor-forsaken reason. You all need a reality check that just because you're a Minister doesn't mean you can do whatever you want."

"True. True," Lapis said. "So, does that mean I get to report you, too? Or is tear gassing an entire classroom of Core students somehow less of an offence than just attacking a single Core student?"

"I-I-I," the MOH stuttered.

"Also, what did Latchland even do? Flap his gate until bird boy cried? I'm assuming it was bird boy, anyway. I don't really like the guy."

"I'm neutral about him," Alwin said.

"What are you even talking about? Bird boy? Slime boy?"

"Oh, you didn't tell her?" Lapis asked.

"She never asked," Alwin said.

"Tell me what?"

"Go on, tell her slime boy."

"Oh, yeah. My mind isn't fractured. I just have my other selves inside of me. We all take turns piloting the main boy."

"That's the exact definition of a fractured mind! Oh my Cor! Lapis, what have you done to him?"

"If you want, I'll provide you with a detailed summary of all the experiments I've done on slime boy, apprentice of mine. Happy?"

"Wait, really? You will."

"Of course, Sharlotte."

"Why are you suddenly so nice, Lapis? What are you planning?"

"No idea what you're talking about. I've always been nice. Maybe your speech about slime boy really opened up my heart. Maybe I just don't want you to report me to the Council. What do you think?"

"Show me the notes first, Lapis. Then we'll talk."

"You've got it. Drones, if you could escort her to my research notes."

The two drones by her side beeped and booped before hovering towards the MOH. They opened the door to the private room, beckoning the MOH to follow them. She stepped out, and the moment she did so, the drones zipped back inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. They bonked into each other—their version of a high-five.

"Hey!" the MOH yelled, banging on the door. "Lapis! Where are the notes? Let me back in! Lapis!"

"Sorry! This is a private session! Please keep it down, or I will have to ask you to vacate the premises!" Lapis yelled before looking down at Alwin. "Now, where were we?"

"You wanted to hear my PR answer before I gave my real answer."

"Oh, yeah. That. I don't know. Sounds kinda boring now. How bout this? You spill the tea about what Latchland did to you."

"I could…. But you need to fulfil some conditions first."

"Negotiating now? I've definitely taught you well. I've prepared for this slime boy. What are your demands?"

"First, I want five cookies because I was promised some for being a good boy."

"That can be arranged. What else?"

"Next, I want another fifteen cookies, five each for all the beatings the Ministers have put me through today."

"Wait, there was me and Latchland. Who else? Sharlotte?"

"The MOP."

"Belle? What did she do to you?"

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

"That's her name? Belle? Seems pretty uncharacteristic."

"It's actually Bubbelle, but I get lazy sometimes, okay. I can't call her Bub; if not, she'll poison the ingredients for my cafe. I cannot go through that again. Do you know how long it took for all those 0.5-star rating bombs to go away? Years, boy! Years!"

"Cool. Don't care. My next set of demands: I want two cups of tea and a tall glass of chocolate milk."

"What kind of tea?"

"Any. And lastly, I want to be exempted from school. I want vacation all day, every day."

"Hmmm, tricky. Possible, but tricky. Also, it'll mean all of your previous demands will be null and void because of how big of an ask that is."

"Really? That sucks. Wait, let me change it then. How about… I want you to make sure my friend Uchronia gets that apprenticeship from the MOD."

"Again, that's going to be tricky."

"I'll spill twice the tea."

"Deal!" Lapis yelled. "Drones! You've heard the order. Go. Go. Go."

The two drones, who were still bonking into each other for successfully duping the MOH, faced Lapis and let out a string of beeps and boops. They opened the door to the private room, only for the onion monster to shriek and collapse onto the floor.

The drones looked at the MOH, then each other, before zooming away to the kitchen at top speed.

"Lapis! How could you trick me?" the MOH cried, scrambling back to her feet.

"Sharlotte! How could you let me trick you? Seriously, you fall for the same trick over and over and over again. It's not my fault, it's that easy."

"It's not my fault that I keep thinking you'll change for the better."

"You know, if I had eyes right now I'd be rolling them," Lapis said.

"I can do it for you, Lapis," Alwin said, before leaping into the air and performing a cartwheel.

"Thanks, slime boy. You get a bonus for style points."

"Awesome!"

"Do you think this is a joke, Lapis? This kid is barely a year old. Look at him! His mind is—"

Before she could even finish her sentence, she was knocked flat on her face once more. The two drones had returned, carrying trays of goodies on their heads. They placed it on the table before floating back towards the door.

Just as the MOH had pushed herself back up, she was knocked back down again by the drones as they shut the door to the private room.

Again, she tried once more to rise, but the drones immediately darted back to Lapis' side, shoving her to the ground for a third time.

Finally, she managed to stand up, tiny diamond-shaped imprints on her front and back. A soft green glow wrapped around her as the dents smoothed out, disappearing as if nothing had ever happened.

"Lapis! Did you really have to do that?"

"I've done lots of things. You've got to be a little more specific."

"You know what? I don't care. Just give me the research notes so I can help this poor kid."

"Sure."

The MOH stared at Lapis, her arms still crossed. Lapis stared back. Alwin shifted one eye to look at Lapis and another one to look at the MOH. But he also wanted to look at the yummy goodies on the table.

Inside, he turned to Niwla, "Could you help me out?"

"What happened to not talking to me until my feathers weren't ruffled?"

"I'm talking to you now, aren't I? That means they're not ruffled anymore. And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one."

"Whatever. You owe me," he said.

Spirit Hands appeared, clamping over his mouth as he said, "Ice Spy."

The little eyeball of ice condensed right in front of him. Just before it dropped to the ground, the Spirit Hands moved from his mouth and caught it. They gently set it on the table, ensuring that he had a perfect view of the treats in front of him.

Plates full of all types of cookies: chocolate chip, double chocolate chip, triple chocolate chip, peanut butter, and even white chocolate macadamia. The best part? No disgusting oatmeal or raisins.

No wonder Lapis' cafe was so successful. She knew what to bake.

Then there were the two cups of steaming hot tea and that tall glass of chocolate milk he just couldn't wait to dunk his cookies in.

But first, the showdown of the two Ministers.

They still stared at each other, unmoving.

Finally, the MOH spoke up. "Well? Aren't you going to get those research notes for me?"

"I did say I'd do it. Just not right now."

"Lapis! This isn't a—"

"Oh, don't get your panties in a twist. It takes time."

"Fine, I'll be waiting here then," the MOH said, sitting right next to Alwin.

Lapis turned to face the slime and cheerfully said, "Are you ready to spill the tea?"

"You know it."

The Spirit Hands grabbed the two cups of tea, tipping them over. Brown liquid splashed across the table before the Spirit Hands grabbed the cups, setting them back upright.

"Let's begin," Lapis said.

"No! Why did you do that?" the MOH yelled.

"I was spilling the tea—double the tea, to be exact."

"Why?"

"Because it was part of me and Lapis' agreement. It's not that big of a deal."

The MOH sighed and patted his squishy little head. "Don't worry, kid. I'll make you all better soon."

She turned to Lapis, saying, "Could you get your drones to clean up the mess?"

The two hovering drones let out a couple of high-pitched beeps.

"They don't want to. But you can use those napkins over there to clean it up yourself."

"Fine," she huffed.

The MOH pushed herself out of her seat and snatched a handful of napkins. She tossed them on the puddle of tea and, using her thin onion arms, mopped up the spill as Alwin animatedly told Lapis about everything that had happened today. From Niwla's adventures with the MOP, to the MOD trying to get rid of him and how he saved the day with his genius plan.

"That's horrible!" the MOH said. "Why is Bubelle doing this?"

"Shush, Sharlotte. Do you mind? I'm trying to listen to slime boy apprentice of mine's story."

Alwin continued his tale, the Spirit Hands feeding him cookie after cookie, washing it down with chocolate milk that was filled with even more cookie crumbs from when they broke off during his dunking session.

"You shouldn't be eating too much sweet stuff. It's bad for your health," the MOH said.

"Shush, Sharlotte."

The MOH sighed and shook her head.

Ouch. Yeah, if it wasn't obvious by now, Lapis really didn't like the onion monster known as Sharlotte. No idea why, though. So far, she had been the nicest Minister he had met. And the least unhinged one.

"Say, Lapis. Why are you so mean to the MOH? She seems pretty nice."

"Thank you, kid," the MOH smiled at him.

"Her? Nice?" Lapis scoffed. "That's not called being nice. That's called guilt."

"Lapis!" the MOH shouted. "Don't you dare!"

"Now, I want to say it even more."

"Think about his mind!"

"He already broke off all those limiters and restraints set in place by the MOK. It won't make a difference."

"Yeah, I already know I'm a child soldier and all that. How bad could it be?"

"Lapis, I'm begging you. Don't."

"Denied! Say, slime boy, do you want to know the real reason why Sharlotte here is so nice to you?"

"Yes. Even bird boy wants to know. Ant boy too."

"You know, the sweetest ones are always covering up for those bitter and sour truths. Who do you think suggested the idea of raising you and your classmates? Who do you think made it possible for you to receive Cor's blessing without your bodies exploding from the backlash? Who do you think made it possible for literal hatchlings to grow faster than Cor ever intended? And Sharlotte, you keep saying that it's my fault that slime boy is fractured. Deep down, I think you have an idea why he's really like that."

"Lapis! Stop it!" the MOH yelled, tears welling up in her eyes.

Huh. This conversation was more loaded than expected.

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