I focused on my breath to take my mind off the aches, but even that hurt from my bruised ribs. My heart pounded in my chest, each beat resounding so strongly that I could feel it moving my whole body. My arteries and veins stung, and I could feel and hear my blood circulating as if I were taking its pressure with a stethoscope.

"So hot…" I muttered. Trying to center my mind, suddenly feeling slow and groggy.

'I must have gotten sick too… Or poisoned again…' My eyes watered, making it hard to see. I moved my good arm to try and wipe them, but the moment I did my shoulder cried out with a deep soreness so intense it made me forget about trying. 'That's right… That happened too. My shoulder… It's not in a sling or anything, does that mean it wasn't that bad?' I thought back to when my whole body was slammed against the wall, denting and cracking it. 'It's kind of amazing I survived though right?' I sighed. 'I can't even wipe my own tears… How pathetic…'

Desperate to move in some way from how stiff I was, I rolled over to my side, holding my casted arm close to my chest with a groan.

"Siya?"

Mara's voice reached out to me. 'Just how many times has it been her that was here by my side when I woke up… It's always her…'

For a moment I felt emotions I couldn't define well up inside of me, but in the next, they were gone. It was almost like I was too tired to have feelings.

'Go away…' I thought, only able to let out a groan in response as my body was still waking up.

"You're awake…"

Her chilling voice was far from a comfort. 'It hurts so much… Just go away… Just leave me alone like you always do… Sure you're here while I'm unconscious, but the moment I wake up…'

"He didn't poison me again, did he?"

This time it was she that let out a small groan. "So he told you… That sounds like him… Probably saying it casually as if it was the obvious course of action…"

She paused, looking away towards the door before handing me a glass. "You should drink this."

'No… Did he actually… Again…' I paused, staring at it blankly. 'It's not water…'

"Painkillers." She said softly as she raised the glass in the air like she was giving a toast.

I tried for a second to push myself up, but it was no use. If I put any weight on my left arm, it felt like it was tearing open from the inside, and my other shoulder was so sore that it made me let out a small squeak when I tried to move it.

"Here I'll help you." Before I could refuse, she was already leaning over me, her strong arm gently raising me up.

My head slowly drifted as the change in position made me feel faint, my vision thinning to small pinholes but never quite going dark.

She changed the position of her arm to support my neck as well, raising the glass to my lips. "This should stop the pain while it heals."

As uncomfortable as it was to feel her arm around me, or have her touch me at all, I was more than happy to take anything that relieved some of the pain. After swallowing the last drop she took the cup away and put it on the nightstand, letting out a heavy sigh. "Are you… Feeling alright?" The softness of her voice, and the longing look in her eyes were foreign to me. I almost didn't believe it was her.

My eyes drifted down to my limp arms, afraid to move either of them, then back to her. "Oh, yeah. I feel great…"

Her gaze slowly dropped.

'There's no way she's actually worried about me is there? I mean… How else would I take this? She's… Disappointed that she couldn't train me better? Does that even make sense? I mean sure I lost, but I totally won that fight… No, actually that doesn't make sense…' I took in a slow breath, closing my eyes. 'I should give a proper response right…' "It could have been a lot worse… So Yeah… I guess I'm alright…"

She raised her head, looking me in the eyes, then lowered her eyes again. Finally, with a deep breath, she seemed to organize her thoughts, putting on the same old stern face I knew.

"Liar…" She flicked my forehead.

The sudden flick made my eyes spasm again.

"What…?" I wanted to raise a hand to rub where it stung, but the moment I moved my arm, my shoulder began to hurt deep inside the joint, making me wince. 'I guess the painkillers haven't finished kicking in yet…'

Another sigh escaped her lips as she moved my hair for me. "Your arm's broken, the other shoulder damaged, your manna gate is shattered, so I'm sure your veins sting too. Your head probably hurts from the backlash, and there's no way the painkillers have kicked in yet."

An almost fragile smile crossed her lips as she leaned back. "On top of that, you're dealing with the fact that your own father tried to poison you, and your brother beat you until you were left unconscious for three days. Do you really expect me to believe you're fine? I mean… Even for someone as tough as you…"

An awkward silence fell over the room as I struggled to respond. 'Someone as tough as me?'

My emotions were a complicated mess that eventually just led to my brain shutting down, my words coming out of my mouth on instinct, without thought. "If you knew then why did you even bother to ask…"

"I didn't know what else I was supposed to say…"

Another long silence hung in the air. 'So… I mean… I don't… I don't get it…'

She hesitantly reached down and grabbed my hand. Her fingers were soft and warm, her calluses hard but smooth. 'Is this really the same person that beat me within an inch of my life?'

The thought sent me back to our so-called training where she humiliated me in front of my sister before nearly killing me under the guise of sword practice.

If I tried, I could replay every moment in my mind. Every move I made, each blow I took, and even the two that I managed to land on her. 'There are few times I have ever been so proud of myself… But to her, I'm sure it was just a disappointing performance like usual.'

I looked down, gently squeezing her fingers. 'It's so warm…' A strange melancholy washed over me… Someone being there for me was what I longed for, but never expected… But for it to be her felt… I don't know… I couldn't bring myself to actually tell her to leave, but it still didn't feel right.

My body burned and dripped with sweat, but my blood was so cold it was hard for me to believe I was still alive.

My fingers were stiff to move, and I could clearly see the bruises covering my arms. 'Why did she have to go so far? What was the purpose? And… Why was she so angry at the end… Was she angry at me? That doesn't seem right. Was she angry at her father? On the balcony… But why would she follow orders she didn't want to? She could beat him in a fight… So it's not like he's the head of the house…'

I looked over at her, not even realizing I was still holding onto her hand. As I pulled away it felt like all the warmth was being sucked out of my body. 'If she feels that warm then that should mean I'm freezing, so why do I feel so hot?'

I shivered as a cold breeze blew through the open window. 'It's like my body is reacting, but my brain is confused.

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"I'll get you another blanket."

Before I knew it I was covered with several more thick blankets, too many even. As I sunk underneath their weight I began to feel tired again. My head felt like it was on fire, but my entire body felt cold as snow and just as fragile. "It doesn't feel any better…" I grumbled.

She gave me a pitting look, closing the window tighter and sitting back down by my side. She didn't seem to have anything more to say, she was just there… It wasn't like before…

'Why hasn't she left yet…' As I sat there shivering, she just leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms and closing her eyes as if deep in thought. We went on like that for over 15 minutes before I finally began to feel the blankets keeping me warm.

At that point, all that was left was her awkward presence. 'She's always here when I wake up… And then she leaves, why is she staying this time? I mean, I guess it is her room… She isn't… Going to sleep there… is she? Wait, is she sleeping right now?'

I let out a small whine as I pushed myself up again, shifting around before slowly lifting my arm out, but just before I poked her she opened her eyes, making me freeze. 'Well… This is awkward…'

She didn't say a word, simply staring at me before I quickly pulled my arm back and turned away. 'Why is she being so weird… The normal Mara would ask for an explanation… Or… I don't know, she'd say something… Like why she was still here…' I grabbed the blankets underneath me, bunching them in my small hands as I pulled my knees up, eventually relaxing and resting my head on my knees. 'She's really staying isn't she… I'm… Not alone this time…' I turned my head to the side. "You're not leaving?" I finally asked directly.

"Not until you say you're fine, and you actually mean it. You're a terrible liar you know."

I rolled my eyes, letting out another groan. "Just kill me…"

Her eyes suddenly shot open and her whole body tensed as her brow furrowed. For a moment I thought she might actually do it…

A moment later she relaxed again, never even moving from a calm position with her arms crossed, leaning back in her chair. "I see your sense of humor is still twisted…" She grumbled.

'Doesn't she usually laugh at those jokes though?' "Uhm… No, sorry. I mean… That was just a figure of speech…" I thought back to the conversation I had with Finlo. It felt like forever ago when he told me to stop telling jokes about my own death.

'That doesn't count does it?' I let out a sigh, feeling like I let him down somehow. "I'll watch what I say more carefully…"

"Good, because I don't intend to kill you. So you should stop expecting me too."

I was too shaken to respond, thinking maybe I was already confusing reality with dreams as I drifted off to sleep.

"Hey, did you hear me?"

"Yes Mam!" I yelled, trying to wake up 'Wait… But did I hear her right?'

"Siya…" She muttered, her voice slightly higher than normal.

'Even now she feels cold and distant in a way. However, I guess even that doesn't change that she is always there when I wake up. Which was a lot more than my father could say. I guess, if I want to know, I should just ask her.' "Mara… Do you care about me at all?"

Her breath stopped and she became completely still, pausing for a moment before she could answer. "I… Think so… Yes…"

"That's strange. I don't remember hitting my head when Bhaltair threw me to the floor, but there was so much adrenaline in my body it's possible I just didn't feel it… Can they fix brain damage with magic?'

I moved my arm, feeling the soreness yell out at me through the painkillers. " This is too real to be a dream…"

Her icy expression that I was so used to slowly returned again like it was battling with the others for dominance, but her voice was soft and warm, betraying it. "It's not…"

'So she does care… No… She thinks she does? So it's not a dream…' "Did you hit your head on something? Did you get into a fight with Bhaltair too? He didn't hurt you too bad, did he? I got him pretty good for you beforehand so you should have been able to take him right?"

She let out a small snort, leaning against her chair's armrest and raising a hand to her head. "You could say we fought, but nothing serious. We never traded blows. Maybe it was because you ruffed him up, good job."

'Good… What?' Chills ran down my skin as I dropped my eyes. 'I guess the next question is what that statement is even worth… She cares, but so what… She must have just been holding back because she was afraid she would have to kill me one day… But that would mean…'

I reached up to the scar on my neck. 'How long has she felt this way though… Since the beginning? Or, just recently? Wait… Maybe She's just trying to manipulate me. I mean a frail little girl who was dejected by everyone for her whole life… Sounds easy enough to manipulate… Manipulate into what though?'

I closed my eyes again as I tucked my knees up closer, curling into a ball and wanting to just go back to sleep. 'One thing at a time. It's awfully hard to cut an infant's neck and not kill them… Especially if you're trying. Am I hoping for too much? Maybe I'm just swinging from one extreme to another, grasping at straws now that I know I can't trust my father. She doesn't want me dead at least, but does she necessarily care if I'm alive either? I don't know anymore… So… I have to make sure.'

"Mara… 14 years ago… When you tried to kill me, did you hesitate?"

Her face turned pale. The frigid air carried the sound of the harsh winds hitting the outside of the building, and for a moment it was like we were both back in the past 14 years ago.

Standing up, she walked over and stoked the fire, trying to heat up the room more as she thought about how to answer, when she looked back at me, Her eyes pierced straight through, still nothing came out.

'Maybe I shouldn't have asked.' I turned away. She was too close. It made me uneasy.

She leaned back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Chills ran down my arms. 'She's… sorry?' I slowly turned back to her. 'Has she ever said that before?'

Her eyes softened again. "You asked if I hesitated… 14 years ago… You're talking about that scar I gave you?"

I gulped. "Y-yeah…"

She let out a sigh. "I'm not even going to ask how you know you're actually 14 and not 12, just don't let anyone know you and Lu aren't actually twins ok."

"K…" 'I've got two years because we faked the papers and everyone's still going to think I'm the younger sister…'

She pulled the blankets over my shoulders, tucking them around me and helping me lay back down. "I had every intention of slicing your neck… Your father really did arrive at the perfect time… He saved your life back then…"

I was more relieved than anything. If I had been wrong about her that whole time, I would have felt horrible about the way I acted towards her. I wanted it to be hard for her. I hated the fact that she was able to talk about killing me, and even try to do it without any regret or remorse.

I wanted her to hate herself for it. I wanted it to be hard for her. In the end, because of that alone, I ended up feeling horrible anyway. To want something like that only felt natural, but realizing in turn how cruel it made me sound to myself made my stomach twist in knots. "How long then…" I muttered my saliva catching in my throat as I tried to swallow.

"Ah..ha… I'm not sure I know what you're asking."

"How long did you…" My voice became quieter with each word. It was a question I didn't want to ask, and one I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to either.

'If it was recently, does that makeup for all the time that she had spent rejecting me… And if it wasn't… If she's just been hiding it then what? Would that change anything?'

"You can take your time, Siya."

I felt chills as she used my name again. She had spent weeks without calling me by name before, and I couldn't count the number of times I had been scolded for hesitating while speaking, but now she was saying I could take my time? Why… What changed…

I grabbed a handful of the blankets with my good hand and closed my eyes.. "How long have you cared about me then!" I couldn't say how she reacted. I was too scared to look.

"I… Dont know…"

'She doesn't even know?' "You don't even know… How could you not know!" I took a deep breath to try and calm down, expecting myself to cry.

Instead, my blood ran cold. I felt completely emotionless. 'No, it makes sense… She probably spent a long time denying it, even after she started to care about me… She was supposed to kill me after all… It was her duty.'

In a flash, all the anger and sadness I felt had vanished just as quickly as it had built up. In the end, I was left with an empty nothingness. 'It doesn't even matter, does it? I never expected anything from her in the first place and it's too late for anything she does to matter.'

She suddenly wrapped her arms around me and held me close to her chest. I wanted to hate it, but as uncomfortable as it was, her body was so warm against my frigid skin that I almost didn't want her to let go either.

"W-what are you doing…" I tried to push myself away but her grip was too tight, and the moment I used my muscles my arms cried out to stop. 'Since when is she so impulsive? Whatever, if I just ask then-' "Please let go…" I said stiffly.

"I won't."

"What! Why not?" A chill ran through me as my whole body finally began to warm up from being so close to her.

"I'm comforting you." Her voice was calm and cold, the same voice I was so used to, only now it rang with a strange uncertainty.

"I don't feel comforted…" I opened my eyes, looking up at her as she lay next to me. 'This isn't even how you give someone a hug… At least do it right!'

"Then I'm comforting myself." She said, squeezing me tighter until it only felt natural to bury my head against her chest.

'I guess this is supposed to be when I tell her I forgive her or some nonsense… Well, maybe if this was a fairy tale…' I groaned again, slightly annoyed. "If you need to be comforted then go hug your pillow, it worked fine for me." My words protested, but I wasn't resisting anymore, fully giving in. She squeezed tighter, making my bruised back start to ache a bit. 'Ah! What's gotten into her… I'm not a freaking plushy!'

"Whether you like it or not, this is happening."

I groaned louder. "Story of my life…" I muttered. Finally, I wasn't cold. My body temperature finally seemed to return to normal, and I didn't feel sick anymore either.

"What about all the times I actually needed to be comforted…" I mumbled, thinking she couldn't even hear me.

'How many times have I wanted this exact thing… And now that I have it I'm pushing her away… I'm a hypocrite…'

She squeezed me tighter again without saying a word.

'I don't understand… I don't get it…' "You've never been there for me before, so why..." I paused my voice going quiet again. 'Why now… It doesn't make any sense, I've been far closer to death in the past. It's not like she hasn't seen me get beaten up before… What suddenly made her change so much…'

I could feel the hardness and warmth of her muscles. It felt more like I was being squished by a sun-kissed boulder than being hugged by a human.

"Because you're my daughter…"

No matter how badly I wanted to be happy, no matter how much I wanted to be suddenly filled with joy, I just couldn't. Instead, it felt like the cold nothingness inside of me was expanding, petrifying me.

'Nobody stays the same… People change every day… The moment you take your eyes off them they aren't the same anymore… But that doesn't change who they were… And sometimes… That's just as important…'

I wanted to cry. More than anything I wanted to just let it all out wrapped in her arms, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. As warm as she was, I was afraid I would want to forgive her if it continued any longer. "Your arm is right over a bruise… and you're squeezing too tight, it hurts. Can you please let go now?"

She loosened her grip, finally relenting and letting some distance build between us. In that single moment, it felt like all the warmth I was feeling was sucked away. I was colder than the winter air and everything fell still.

"Sorry, I didn't realize…" She looked to the side, and for the first time, I saw regret in her eyes. As she stood up again she tucked me in, but I still felt like ice.

Once again I grabbed a handful of blankets, pulling them tight to my chest. "You were the one that gave them to me…"

Her eyes widened and I saw goosebumps appear on her arms for a moment before her brow slowly narrowed and they quickly faded. "Do you hate me, Siya?"

'Hate…' The word reverberated in my brain, bouncing off the corners of my mind. It was such a strong word. A word that was hard for me to ever use against a person… Sure there were things I hated, like the taste of raw carrots, or the feeling of grease in my hair… But that was different… To truly hate someone meant to give up on them entirely, and I thought that was another thing that I hated… Just like before I tucked myself into a ball, unable to open my mouth. 'I wonder what answer she's expecting…'

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