Alex abruptly awoke when he flopped over to snuggle Emilio. Rather than the plush paunch of his cat, he ended up straddling something hard, round, and ginormous.

"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL?" He yelped as he sprung out of bed with spiked adrenaline.

DING!

A system notification pinged him, but he ignored it in favour of the new…thing in his bed. Gravewhistle let out a strangled choke that sounded like terrible sleep apnea from the double cat condo. Emilio lay curled in a pretzel, somehow using a pillow and covering his eyes with a mighty paw. That was all normal, and not what startled Alex awake.

"Emilio!" He yelled in his underwear at his dozing cat. "What the HELL did you bring home? AND IN BED?"

The cat let out a groan and pulled his paw down just far enough to peak an eyeball out. Seeing Alex's face, he quickly covered his face again and pretended to be asleep. Gravewhistle choked on his spit again and barreled out another snore.

"No, dude," He rushed around the bed and rustled the cat's belly in the way he didn't like. "You have some explaining to do. Wake up."

Emilio groaned again and pulled his paw down. It was the most haphazard Alex had ever seen him. His usually slick fur maintained with constant grooming was sticking out from all angles. He even had eye boogers. Mewing painfully into Alex's face, Emilio turned and buried his nose into the bed to hide away from the world.

"Ah," Gravewhistle called from the cat condo, clearly no longer choking on his own spit. "A mighty battle and a mighty celebration. I think His Girthdom has a hangover. Gnomish mushroom tea will get even the most powerful. Add in Petunia's special ingredients?" He fondly looked into the distance. "Now that woman knows how to party."

Then Gravewhistle burped for ten seconds and chuckled to himself. Alex just gaped at the Garden Gnome before smirking at Petal's appearance.

"A party, eh?" Alex asked innocently, rubbing the hungover cat's belly once again. "Did you have a wittle too much to dwink, big guy? Can't handle your liquor?"

"Not just liquor," Gravewhistle stood up on the condo and stretched mightily. Alex tried to supress his laughter. "We steep the freshest semilanceata mushrooms that we collect under the morning light, infuse homemade absinthe that must be a minimum of ninety proof, ensure the ergot is old, and when we're feeling fancy, as we were last night, Petunia busts out the salvia for some extra kick."

"Extra kick?" That concerned Alex, and he stopped teasing his cat. "You uh…you OK, buddy? I'm not mad about…," He looked at the giant thing occupying a good chunk of his bed. "Whatever that is."

"A noble battle indeed," Gravewhistle pulled his arm across his chest before squatting the night away. He waggled his eyebrows, which now that he looked closely, were decidedly more red. "Killed the beast myself."

"That's a MONSTER?!" He yelped again, causing Emilio to cover his ears with his paws.

Gravewhistle still hadn't noticed the dress he wore or the fact that he had comical makeup all over his face, not to mention dozens of kiss marks on his bare chest and nipples. Still, he planted his feet and placed his hands on his hips to announce his victory.

"Was a Monster."

In Alex's bed was a wooden head of a bear the size of a yoga ball. Torn from its body, it was frozen in a permanent snarl. The thing must have weighed a ton as it practically collapsed the mattress. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it at all, whenever Emilio had tossed it into their bed. The food coma must have been great after the Chinese food.

"You guys…uh, won something last night? For the Gnomes?" He asked, petting Emilio and scanning his room for a spot of water.

"For Sun and Shade," Gravewhistle declared, leaping from his perch to land next to the torn head of Carved Bear. Placing his hand on top of it, he turned to Alex while nodding towards Emilio. "His Lordship insisted that we bring you home evidence of our victory. The Magical Vineyard belongs now to the Gnomes. And The Assembly has retreated back to Niagara."

"Right. No yeah, that's fantastic," Concerning more like. "And you guys were OK? During your…uh…siege?"

Petal nodded seriously, finally noticing his dress and picking at it. "Acceptable loses."

Alex sighed and pulled out a half drank water bottle from one of the piles of clothes. Pouring the water into his hand, he offered it to Emilio, who eagerly lapped it up before moaning and planting his head back with a lolling tongue.

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Gravewhistle recounted the tale of what would come to be known as The Battle of Autumn. Struggling to keep his opinions to himself, Alex listened while trying not to lecture his cat. He didn't own Emilio. As far as he was concerned, you couldn't own a cat. They simply chose their people based on whatever mystical abilities they possessed. And when he got right down to it, having a badass cat that led a legion of cultist gnomes was awesome. Emilio had even brought him home the head of the strongest enemy, which was adorable in its own twisted way. Still, the whole thing was concerning. But he wasn't about to tell his most loyal friend and companion to stay inside.

"Some party then?" He asked as Emilio lapped more water from his hand. "Is he going to be OK?"

Petal rubbed his ruby-streaked beard, which Alex assumed was lipstick gone awry. "His Girthdom was magnificent. Danced upon tables with a puffed tail, zoomies through the crowd," He lowered his voice. "even allowed himself to be groomed!"

"You let someone else brush you?" Alex laughed. "You don't even let me do that."

Emilio's tail clicked once.

"And then," Petal continued. "Ah, what a moment. He performed a handstand chug of the sacred Mushroom Tea. Forty seconds!"

"Meow." Emilio let out sleepily.

"Ah, apologies," Petal corrected himself. "Sixty seconds flat."

After confirming Emilio was not going to die and learning that that the skirt and makeup was a Gnomish tradition routed in honouring their first paintings prior to sentience, he and Petal hefted the giant head onto the floor. Seeing his phone, Alex sighed before realizing that a six AM wake up wasn't that bad. He'd have enough time to check out his new upgrade and maybe see if Snu wanted breakfast.

So, without any inkling of anxiety, he texted his girlfriend.

Alex: You up? Breakfast? Breakfast Burritos?

Alex: Exploding French Toast? That new place?

Alex: Magical Cereal Bar? Heard it's good.

Mary and the gang were asleep behind her closed door, so he hit the shower to check out his new upgrade. Hopefully, it was something good.

[New Skill: Planar Skating – Level 1]

"Huh," He said to himself while soaping behind the ears and listening to Slum Borty Two with his [Audio Player]. Snu insisted on it, and he figured it was a good idea to listen to the Dungeon Boss. "What's that do?"

Everyone knew that you were supposed to test new Skills under the watchful eye of close friends. Names could be deceiving, as they didn't always result in expected outcomes. He'd read stories of people exploding their hands accidentally. Or mutating into Monsters, as a transformation Skill might only work the one way. Generally, it was thought to be pretty idiotic to test things alone. But Alex was riding high lately and had the faux natural invincibility cloak that all young twenties thought they had. He'd gotten a new Title, and [Shiny Snatch], and the rest of them were leveling quickly with all the deliveries he'd been making.

What the hell, why not?

He activated [Planar Skating] with a touch of Essence and felt it connect within his noticeably more powerful Core. Little did he know, the Skills of Nina and Nino, alongside the influence from Loopy's Skills had worked their magic. He was slightly stronger than before. The Essence surged through his chest, and he held his breath at the outcome.

But the Essence fizzled out and sputtered around inside his body, standing the hairs up all over despite being assaulted by a torrent of Toronto water pressure.

He tried again and again, attempting to figure out exactly what he was supposed to do with the Skill. If there was a noticeable difference in the way he felt. Thankfully, all of his bits remained intact and he did not blow himself up in the shower on a delightful Friday morning.

"Planar Skating," he said loudly and washed the last of the soap off while stepping out of the shower, music still blaring in his ears. "Like the unspace? Like [Funamental Physician]?"

Cleaning his ears and even applying deodorant, he admired his developing physique in the mirror. The tummy was disappearing, and was that a striation developing on his ribs? Was that the first inkling of an abdominal?

What a hunk.

"So, I have [Funamental Physician], which lets me…uhh…become aware of all the stuff. Yeah. Like the other versions of stuff. Cool," He shaved off the little bit of mustache stubble with a single Credit razor. "Now THIS Skill has a SIMILAR NAME."

He flexed in the mirror, and to his credit, two little biceps revealed themselves. How could you not hype yourself up in the mirror to some classic punk rock?

"Oh hell yeah," He tried another pose, posing like an old internet star who went by something like Zyn. "So this Skill HAS to be something with the unspace. Yeah!"

"…MREOW!"

Emilio's cry cut through the chorus, and Alex turned down his [Audio Player].

"MEOW MEOW!"

"CAN SOMEONE SHUT THAT CAT UP?" Mary called from the third floor.

Exiting the washroom, he heard Gravewhistle respond.

"Uhh, Alex," The Gnome said. "His…uh…His Shadeness would like you to, and I quote 'Shut the hell up before I pee on your only good shirts,"."

"You can understand him?" Alex snickered as he went back into his room to change.

"Well no," Gravewhistle admitted. "But one learns."

"Sorry. Got caught up with the music is all."

Emilio harumphed and pulled a throw blanket over himself. Under there the cat looked like a toasty little burrito. Gravewhistle waited on the window, watching the early morning and tossing hand signals to the watching Gnomes.

Alex tossed on a shirt, fresh and clean, and checked his phone. He had a couple messages from Snu due to the way she messaged. Just single words and no blocks of messages.

Snu: Uh…

Snu: No breakfast

Snu: No breakfast out

Snu: Yes breakfast though

Snu: Come to the safety spires before work

Snu: It's early enough ya?

Snu: Umm….

Snu: Britanii wants to talk to you.

Snu: She's worried and wants to tell you something.

Snu: You're not in trouble from me😘

Alex's stomach dropped. To think that his morning would be spent getting fed fresh toast that exploded its magical filling with his hot Dungeon Boss girlfriend. He groaned loudly and tramped out the room. With his shift starting in a couple hours, he could make it.

He stomped back up the stairs to grab a Relic tip for her. Hefting the jar of green goop, he hoped she would like it.

"Meow!" Emilio complained from under the blanket as he stomped back down the stairs.

"Yeah dude, I hear you!" Alex called over his shoulder. "Sucks to be woken up, right?"

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