Alex cradled Loopy's final goodbye gift that definitely wasn't an extra tip and stared into the espresso portal. The boss had sheepishly insisted on making it fresh from a stall he pulled from a pile. A funnel cake, topped with red forty strawberries, powdered sugar, and chocolate sauce now waited in the carboard box Loopy swore wasn't twenty years old. The frankly soggy and crumbly nature of it told otherwise. Not that Alex minded. He was looking forward to sharing it with his friends later that night.

I've eaten off scarier things.

"Alright unspace," He jabbed a finger at the portal. "You and me. We're going to get along, you hear? I know things can fly in you. Mr. Mystical, all those whacky dream things. You are going to let me. Got it?" The unspace did not answer. "Good. Glad we're on the same page."

He leapt into the portal.

Reality melted and pulled the bundle of particles, thoughts, hopes, and Skills that was Alex into the unspace, the place that just happened to connect all places. It stretched him to the circumference of a noodle and jostled about his pineal gland for good measure. He felt his body contort in on itself and a gentle breeze that tickled his earlobes. Then the unspace spat him into itself.

Alex clenched every muscle in his body and willed himself to go. Go where? Anywhere except where the unspace pulled him through. He did not think of the ramifications of taking himself off course in an infinite plane of dreamscape. Frustrated with Brody being stuck somewhere, he threw his fucks out the window and clenched. A vein throbbed on his forehead while his eyes filled with pressure. A tiny hernia formed in the lining of his stomach. It just had to be possible, and he knew that because his gut told him so. And he always listened to his gut.

A human holding a soggy box filled with a crispy confectionary sailed through the unspace. A pack of wild Goop Goobles fishing on a swamp planet drinking non fizzy, hot beer nudged each other and giggled at the site of his efforts. Seventeen dinosaurs hiding their late-night board game pointed, and one even snapped a picture. The Everest sized tower of pharmaceutical pills noted his passing and kept trying to pluck the pesky piece of corn from its teeth. They'd seen it all before. A mortal passing through the unspace trying to claim the place. As if.

After a half-minute of failure, Alex unclenched his anus. "Damnit, why won't you wo—"

As soon as he allowed himself a moment of surrender to the unspace's ways, his new Title, [Funamental Physician], kicked in. The System snorted as a mortal saw a glimmer of the Cross-planar-thread it maintained. Best of luck and hope you stay sane.

For a brief, impossible moment, Alex was aware of everything.

Not everything in the poetic way. Glances of every universe that had budded or collapsed in on itself. Realities of total darkness where the gods of black holes had bitten off their own tongues. Universes thriving under alien empires or entire solar systems controlled by zombies. Earths where humanity still stewed in mud and thunked thick skulls against shells. Others they'd built star cities wrapping around suns. He saw Earths ruled by cancerous plant growth, and even one where everyone had no face.

He even saw a thousand versions of himself, but only the bit that he could process. Some he had a dog instead of a cat, some he was a woman, or twins, and one who had ascended onto the Council of Toronto. Thousands hadn't been born at all or died in the simplest or convoluted ways. It was like a universal downstream file being unpackaged by a potato brain. It was seeing double times thirteen factorial.

His brain, blessed by its meaty limitations, sheltered him from the worst of it. Drool dribbled down his chin as the onslaught of awareness of cross-planar-threads wracked his frontal cortex. During his initiation into the new awareness, he was frozen by the sheer scale of it all and unfortunately couldn't wrap any brain activity around moving through the unspace.

SPLAT

Alex hit the kitchen floor face first. The cardboard box holding the funnel cake was squished in his death grip.

"Alex!" Francesca rushed over in her pajamas, which consisted of booty shorts and a tank top. "Are you okay? Did you get distracted by a salsiccia again?"

"Ugh," He groaned and rolled over. "That was a fricken ride, man."

Francesca crouched down as Nina floated over to fan his face with a tupperware lid. "You smell like fry sugar," she sniffed deeper. "And spit."

He self consciously wiped the drool from his face. So what if he got a little parched after running around all night?

"Funnel cake." He held up the soggy box. "Funnel cake from Lord Loopy and whatever the hell I just experienced."

From the front of the shop, Nino's voice boomed at the final customer. "No! I will no make pizza al tonne! Who put tuna on pizza? Barbaric. Animale! Now getta fuck out my shop! We closed!"

The glass door slammed shut with the little bell jingle, and the old man tromped in the back. Alex was still getting his bearings from the unspace when Nino's smiling face came into view, followed by his baseball glove sized hand.

"Up," He grabbed Alex's hand and yanked him to his feet effortlessly. "Whatever happen, always end up on your feet. Capice?"

Nino scoffed and gave Nino such a hard glare it made him flinch in fear of the slipper. "Not now, Nino. Not everything needs to be a lesson."

"No, yeah," Alex shook his head and dusted himself off. "That's what I need right now actually. Some extremely old school and outdated lessons in masculinity. I think I'd cry or laugh without it."

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Alex prepared to leave for the night as they made idle conversation. He didn't tell them about the unspace or Loopy. The unspace was his business, and Nina's knowing smile told him she already knew what was necessary about Loopy. How she knew was beyond him. But like all grandmother's, she seemed to know everything already. Like the secret grandma communication network, or something.

So, he tossed off his filthy shirt covered in everything, and tossed it to Nina for an overnight wash and starch. Did he catch Francesca biting her lip at his shirtless torso while changing? Yes. Did he suck in his remaining little paunch and flex his singular ab muscle? Also yes.

Just becoming a hot guy. No big deal or whatever. You can look but you can't touch. My girlfriend is kind of a powerful Dungeon Succubus.

Nina pinched her niece in the back of the arm when she caught Francesca staring. Nino didn't notice a thing and sat on a stool hacking cigarettes and telling Alex a story about a racoon that made them seem like real incessant pricks.

He was happy to see them and make conversation. Regardless of their pleasant company, he wanted his shift to be over. Not out of a distaste for work. He wanted to walk and mull over what the heck he had experienced in the unspace before heading home.

Was that just an old acid trip bubbling up? No. A vision? God? Buddha? Cthulhu? A spiritual possession by the Grateful Dead?

Francesca walked him to the front with Nino trailing and still yapping about the raccoon conspiracy. With a final clap on the shoulder, he said his goodbye. Francesca lingered in the doorway as Alex turned to leave.

He caught sight of the flower pot that once again hung in the window of the shop. Expect, now it held two strange purple blossoms instead of just the one. He'd never seen that kind of flower before. Francesca leaned on the doorframe and crossed her arms, and he tried desperately to control his eyeballs from darting down.

"Two flowers," she said. "One for me, one for you. We have the same in gelato shop back home."

He raised a brow. Before he could answer, she seemed to hesitate, like she wanted to say something else. But she swallowed it.

"See you tomorrow." she said instead as she stepped out of his way.

Alex turned back towards the shop as he exited, the door was already closing. The front of house lights turned off, and just as he was about to lead, Francesca stepped back into view in the glass door, winked at him, and turned the open sign to closed.

Alone with his overstuffed loot bag and crumpled cake box, he took a deep breath of crisp air.

Adventurers took their Familiars for walks or floats. Rouges with cloaks slinked in shadows that billowed in a dramatic way to be seen. Teens hollered across the street and smoked colourful vapes while playing dice. Two dwarves shook a vending machine that argued back. A group of old witches battled golems made of soda cans. The city buzzed. It was messy and loud and dangerous. But it was his. It was the kind of busy that he felt like he could get lost in. So he turned on his heel to begin a relaxing walk home.

"Mr. Alex?" Someone said while tugging at his shirt.

He turned and looked around at who grabbed him. For a moment, he was sure that someone had [Identified] him and was about to try and scam him. Typical.

"Mr. Alex, down here sir!" The voice said again. Alex looked down.

"Dorge!" His face split into a grin and he dropped to a crouch. "How you doing buddy?"

Dorge the furry blue street sweep monster nodded excitedly and looked around conspiratorially. Alex noticed how frail he was and it made him sad.

Is this guy eating enough?

"Dorge is mighty fine sir, mighty fine. Dorge thank you for asking." The Monster said, clearly nervous by his googly eyes darting around. "Dorge watch the street. Just like bossman Alex ask."

"Oh yeah?" Alex asked and lowered his voice. "See them? Guys with the clipboards?"

The blue monster nodded again and attempted to point secretly at the door of Ninos. "Right there, sir. The men with clipboard were right where you stand. Dorge says to himself, 'Hey, those are clip boards!'. And now Dorge tell you."

Well that's not good.

Alex looked back to the shop. "Here? Right here at Nino's? At this pizza shop?"

"Oh yes, sir. Dorge not make mistake," The Monster answered. "Pizza shop is famous, see? All Monster in Dump now know about Pizza shop of Nino's."

He tilted his head. "I'm sorry, you said the dump? Monsters in the dump know about Nino's? Why?"

Dorge nodded again and smiled. "Yes, sir. All Monster in dump know now! After they were so kind to Dorge!" He leaned in closer. "Sir, did you know the pizza is…magic?"

"Kind to you? What did Nino do?"

Dorge rubbed his belly and sighed. "Dorge ain't never have pizza before! Almost ate it all. But Dorge save the crust for Marnia. Dorge is a good husband."

"Right. Yes. Dorge is a very good husband," Alex rubbed his chin. "You bought a slice then?"

"No sir," Dorge shook his head and whispered. "See, the owner says to Dorge 'First piece free for Monster!'. And I got pineapple. Mmm. Only ever eaten rotten pineapple before."

Well, that's touching. You old sap Nino.

It was pretty common in the Post System world to view Monsters and Familiars in a…certain way. Some Monsters were tolerated, like clever ones for essentially indentured servitude jobs, or creatures like Dorge. The furry blue Monster swept and swept all day. There were bonded Familiars as well. But if a Monster didn't have a use…

"Well thank you for telling me Dorge," Alex reached out and placed his hand on his fuzzy shoulder. "Keep up the good work. I'll have your—"

The look on Dorge's face made him stop talking.

"Dorge? You ok?"

The furry Monster gulped and looked at Alex's palm on his shoulder. "No human ever touches Dorge. Is Alex not afraid of germs? Everyone always call Dorge filthy. But Dorge gets wife Marnia to clean his fur every night!"

Alex clenched his jaw and sighed. "No Dorge. I don't think you're covered in germs. That's ridiculous."

He rustled around in his loot bag and settled on a tip. Careful to not break it, he pulled out the unwiedly thing and presented it to Dorge.

[Growth Goop]

"Take it," Alex said. "A tip for your services."

It was a Relic tip from one of his customers. Clearly a reused jar filled with sloshing, slightly glowing green slime. He didn't know what it did or how much it was worth, but good work deserved to be rewarded. And if he was feeling a little guilty about being human right now, it helped placate his ego.

The Monster stared up at the jar. "For Dorge?"

"Good job on keeping track of those clipboards, man," Alex pressed the jar forward. "I get tips from work, so why shouldn't you?" When the Monster didn't take it, he had to practically wrap his hands around it.

Dorge kicked the ground and smiled. "Thanks, bossman. Dorge did a good job?"

"Dorge did a great job," He stood up and looked around at the bustle of life around him. "I gotta get home. And it sounds like you do too."

If the Monster had skin, Alex guessed he would have blanched. "Oh, yes, sir. Marnia is going to be mad Dorge isn't home yet!" He held up the giant Relic that was practically the size of him. "But this will make her give me butterfly eyelash kisses!"

Alex watched the Monster scamper off down an alley while proudly carrying his jar of goop. Sighing, he turned on his heel and walked through the crowds of people. The whole way home he chewed his cheek and thought about what everything. About Brody, about the unspace and what he had seen, and how Monsters, Bosses, and Familiars were treated in the Post System world.

Next chapter will be updated first on this website. Come back and continue reading tomorrow, everyone!

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.