Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

Book 1 - Chapter 9 - Running from Trauma and Into Tentacles


Alex turned his sprint into a jog as stopping completely would quickly plunge him into a sandwich induced sleep. The Dungeon, Glimps, straightjackets, and his draining Core had his heart pounding. Seeing Britanii twirl prettily and grin at him just made the thumping hurt more. She smiled and her eyes took Alex in with her signature cruel amusement.

"Delivering pizza, hmm," she said with poison and honey as the wave of sweaty Glimps waddled closer. Their leather squeaked as they moved, but the dripping needles, chains and clamps they wielded looked painful and deadly. "Now why would you be in here delivering pizza?"

She flicked her perfect hair from her face and launched herself into the air. Her black rapier flicked out as she flipped. The blade carved through the nearest Glimp's head and sent it flying. As she landed, her hand shot straight into its chest and yanked out a Monster Core. Britanii flashed Alex a grin, looked at the Core, deemed it unworthy, and stomped it beneath her combat boot. Most people would pay a pretty fortune for what had looked like a decent sized one. Not Britanii. She regularly tore out hearts for fun.

"It's a job, good as any," Alex said as he wondered how the hell he was supposed to get past the Monsters. Yes, Britanii counted as a Monster to Alex.

To the side Fabrizio was pinned by the rippling ass Monster. "Nobility does not succumb to buttocks!" the Adventurer muffle shouted under the layers of flesh.

Britanii ignored her comrade and arched an eyebrow at Alex. "Fitting. Running errands suits you. But here? To who? There's no other Adventurers in here besides me, and…him." She tilted her head towards the dying Fabrizio and once again swung her rapier. A rip of some Corruption Skill minced a Glimp that was prepping a dripping needle grenade.

"I'm just trying to pay the bills," Alex's voice cracked with panic. The Glimps were closing in with their questionable intentions.

"While stuck with that sad little Core?" she said sweetly. "No good Passives, no attack Skills, not even a decent escape Skill." She sidestepped a flail and cut the Glimp out at the knees. Britanii had weaseled out every little insecurity during their relationship. But Alex had thankfully kept [Phantom Step] from her.

"Oops," she added, not even pretending to smile anymore as a stray lash of Corruption magic sizzled through the air and clipped him in the shoulder from a casual decapitation of a Glimp. It stung but not as much as it should have due to the Buff.

Thanks, Nina.

"Gah! Hey!" Alex stumbled but kept the pizza box steady. "Watch it!"

"Working for Snu, then?" Her voice was mocking him. "Maybe helping out sad little Jemin? The rest of the Krushers won't like that you know. Can't say I'm surprised after that disaster you made of yourself at the Adventurer test. Working with that loser. Of course they didn't want you."

Alex opened then closed his mouth. He needed to get past her, the Glimps, and get paid damnit. He didn't need her ridicule. "That was a misunderstanding-"

"Oh, baby," she cooed. "You cried. Standing in front of the whole Hall with the practice sword trying to cast a non existent Skill. They laughed you out of the building. To think I vouched for you."

She had been cruel their entire relationship, but ever since Alex went no contact, she had turned full psycho on him. He moved, changed numbers, and even deleted his MagiSocials to escape her constant attention. Now she was here. In a Dungeon with an enchanted rapier and all he had was a Sandwich buff and a dinky little sword. And she was taunting him with that grin. The one that said I know how to hurt your feelings, and I'll break you for fun.

"Fuck it," Alex squared his grip on the pizza box. He had a damn pizza to deliver and some tasty tips to get. He didn't have time to deal with this. When the time ran out on his job, he could only imagine what Nina and Nino would do. Mistress Snu would probably kill him if he delivered it cold. He also didn't have the skill or Skills, the gear, or the therapy hours required to unpack his emotions about Britanii. He had…

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 36:21]

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Thirty six minutes, a job, and at least a tiny slice of dignity left. He was working for a damned Lich!

That's gotta be enough, right?

He broke into a full sprint right towards her. "MOVE," he shouted at Britanii and the writhing Glimps.

"The Royal Line will not be sat upon!" Fabrizio screeched as the Monster jiggled on him.

Britanii blinked as Alex barreled forward. "What are you–?"

"Nope!" he shouted, blowing past her. "Not talking to you! Not thinking! Just delivering pizza! Fuck off!"

His Core screamed as [Running] drained it from his efforts. It would have to be enough. The pizza box was warming his clammy hands. The wall of Glimps stood like a wall of tongue lapping hounds. Britanii yelled something as a Glimp swung a chain at him. Alex ignored whatever asinine comment it was. Instead, he pressed his Core again into the waiting skill. He didn't know how this would end. To get away from Britanii, it didn't matter. He had one goal in mind.

Get the damn pizza to the customer. Get paid. Probably cry later. Wait, that's three goals.

Alex clamped his eyes shut and triggered [Phantom Step]. Pain ripped through his chest and yanked at the structure of his Core. It didn't crack, thankfully. Alex was sure he'd never be able to afford the recovery Relics needed for that fuck up.

The world thankfully vanished with a wet pop. For a split second, Alex existed nowhere and then BAM. He reappeared ten feet forward. "Gah!" He had cleared the wall of murderous Glimps. Mostly. He slammed full speed into someone sticky and way too happy to see him. The Glimp squealed and went tumbling, and Alex's face was coated in something that smelled like peaches and mint. "Ew!"

He gagged and his nose bled. The Gimp lay dozed on the ground twitching with joy. Alex did not stop to ask questions. He took off down the hallway as Britanii yelled at his back. "The rest of the Krushers will definitely hear about this, Alex. You think you can work with Jemin and mess up their Dungeon runner and no one's going to care? We'll be sure to make sure he pays on time!"

"Great! Add it to your schedule after your botox appointment!" he shouted over his shoulder.

Lame? Yeah. I'm not good at comebacks, OK? I'll just think of the perfect one later and pretend I said it to her. When I survive this shit.

Alex didn't stop for anything. Pizza was cradled in one arm, sword in the other, and his Core burned like a clogged engine. His breath was ragged, but something was shifting inside him. He was running faster and cleaner. Without noticing it, his [Running] Skill was quickly progressing. The Dungeon air whipped past him and the jazz music and perfume wasn't the least bit distracting.

He leapt over a twisting floor trap and skidded under a velvet rope tripwire rigged with handcuffs. "Too slow!" he shouted to himself. A door slammed open and out poured a cluster of angry looking nuns in latex wielding rune etched paddles. "Oh come on!" Alex yelped and twisted out of the way as one screamed "Repent!" at his heels. He didn't repent. He accelerated.

The next room was weirder. Tentacles. So many purple tentacles with too much dripping stuff. They curled from the walls, floors, and chandeliers. One fluttered in greeting with obvious interest. "Not today, hentai!" he hollered and shoulder checked open a door. The tentacles let out a pouty moan. He just kept grooving. His legs burned and his Core wheezed. But the pizza was still hot and perfectly balanced.

Am I moving? Really moving?

He hadn't tripped at all or been afraid in the slightest. He checked the time left in the job.

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 27:39]

What?

"It's been…eight minutes?" he said aloud. "I've been grooving like that for eight minutes?" He dodged a leather pendulum that thankfully didn't brain him. "Am I killing it right now? Maybe I am good at this?"

He couldn't help himself. Alex smiled. Britanii was left in the dust, but hopefully Fabrizio hadn't succumbed to the Monster. She was probably hacking her way through the Glimps still. The Monsters and traps had fallen away and just up ahead, Alex spotted a door. He knew somehow that Mistress Snu was waiting behind it. His chest ached and he felt like his Core was just about to fizzle out, but damn was he excited. And for some reason, decidedly hungry. Turns out, thirty minutes of cardio makes you starving. He really could go for another sandwich right about now. Maybe Nina made some good dessert? Tiramisu?

The door was in front of him. He had made it. Alex stopped for just a moment and knocked on the door to announce his arrival.

"Order up! I got a pizza here for Mistress Snu. Extra anchovies, extra onions, extra olives. Piping hot, piping ready."

I really have to work on my Pizza Delivery sayings. Ah, well.

The door didn't creak as it opend. Instead he swore he heard a purring noise from the frame and immediately smelled jasmine. He injected some Essence into his Stone Sword and stashed it away.

Probably best to be polite. Time to get paid and hopefully get a tip.

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