The hedges of intertwined birds of paradise flowers and pink rose bushes wrapped them in a scented, sweaty, semi-private canopy. Steam rose from wooden bowls of orange vegetable goulash. Alex, Mary, and Gravewhistle sat perched on tiny wooden stools absolutely not designed for human hips. Behind them sat an expertly crafted, tiny stone and mud-thatched hut where Gravewhistle lived with his two wives. It was covered in flowers planted into the walls and decorated with the skull of a ginormous animal with massive canines on the front door. Emilio had run off with the gnomes deeper in the garden. Something about 'gnomish rituals with lightning and mud'.

Across from them, two Krushers sat. One he recognized, as it was the fridge of a bouncer with a veiny, bald head and perfectly black eyes. The other was a jittery, rat faced man with red tattoos around his eyes. Everyone ate slowly under the Pentunia's grumpy mood. There had been a lot of slurping in between the 'questioning'.

"Ugh, this is so good," Mary said as she slurped up another spoon of goulash. "Thank you, Petunia."

Petunia, all one foot of her, sniffed without looking. She slopped another serving of the thick, orange soup and handed it to the bouncer. "Ye, ye would say that, widdn't'ye?" she responded and thunked the giant pot onto an ankle high stone table.

Alex wasn't sure what he had been expecting. A tiny, dirt-covered, red-haired gnome in a pink apron and combat boots seemed about right. The bloody hatchet strapped to her back was also expected. But the long, agressive kiss she'd shared with Petal, and the follow-up ass grabbing and smacking that left the warrior blushing hadn't been on Alex's bingo card.

"Petunia," Gravewhistle sighed from his stool. "My love, my sprout, my prickly flower…I've told you. There's nothing to worry about."

"Ye smell like 'er. Ye reek, Petal, and ye know full well me and Marzipan don't like no smell of others." Petunia crossed her arms and glanced at Mary.

Alex and mary opened their mouths to speak, or clarify, that no, Mary was not interested in Petal. But Alex caught the bouncer across the goulash bowl giving a shake of his head. Then the man twirled one of his giant fingers in a circle near his temple.

Alex pinched Mary and closed his mouth. He hadn't touched his goulash since the first bite. It was good for vegan stew. Carrots, potatoes, beets, celery, a garish amount of herbs. Something in his gut was waving a red flag, however. His head felt floaty after a single bite. While he knew he was clever, he was learning to trust his belly. And his belly was yelling at him to stop while also telling him that he should start telling everyone just how perfect he thought Mary's hair was…

Wait a second…

The two Krushers kept their eyes down and spooned more goulash into their mouths. Alex looked at their food, then at Petunia. She was glaring at them all. Her eyes looked over Mary, then Petal, then the Krushers, and then she glanced at him. And for just a single second, her entire demeanour changed. The deep furrow in her brow softened and she gave Alex an exaggerated wink, jerked her chin towards her stew, then at the Krushers.

What the fuck…?

Mary wiped her mouth. "Look Petunia. You got your man. Okay? Sure, he's got that hard sexy body. And he lubes it up nice with that coco oil. And listen, listen," she said while waving her spoon. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't checked out his buns through Zippy's feed, but–"

Mary stopped her rambling and frowned at herself. The Krushers were looking at her and eating their goulash. It all clicked in Alex's brain. She did something to the stew. It didn't seem like it was poisoned, but there was something in there that resulted in a big old ladle of honesty.

"Can we get back on topic, please?" Alex said and placed the bowl of soup on the moss covered ground. "I'll ask again. What's going on with this shit about Dungeon Bosses, and that caster trying to make them Familiars?"

The spoon stopped halfway to the bouncer Krusher's mouth. He'd introduced himself as Brian, and the rat faced one was Glavin.

Gravewhistle cleared his throat and leaned forward, pressing his hands together. "Yes. And while you're at it, perhaps you might illuminate us regarding your organization's strike capabilities, your battlefield stratagems, and the current commanding hierarchy operating within the city. Preferably in descending order of importance. I do so enjoy structure."

"Did you just ask for a Krusher org chart?" Mary asked.

Gravewhistle nodded seriously. "Ideally with tactical diagrams and little flags. The tiny ones."

The rat-faced Krusher, Glavin, swallowed as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. The bouncer looked like he was getting redder in the face by the second and looked around nervously. Petunia smiled at both of them and came to stand behind her husband. She didn't look angry at him at all.

"We-we-we uh-we." Glavin started to splutter before Brian thwacked him on the back of the head.

"Don't say anything, fool," Brian the bouncer said like stone. "They have placed something within our food. Can't you feel it? I like–" His voice caught before he blurted it out. "I like, no, I love musicals!"

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

Everyone just stared at him.

"I go and take myself to see Mama Mia every two weeks. Alone." Brian admitted.

"I write self-insert romantic comedy fan fiction and eat the pages so no one can ever read them!" Glavin yelled out while gripping his head. Mary snickered.

"What have you done to us?" Brian growled while rubbing the embarrassed Glavin's back.

Petunia stepped forward and wiped her hands on her pants. "Och, it's just an old gnomish goulash is all. Little summat to loosen ye up. Nothin' sinister." She leaned forward and tapped Gavin's forehead with her wooden spoon. "But if ye don't start spillin the ol' beans, I'll put ye back on that FiberKale diet."

Both Krushers moaned.

"Grow it meself," she went on. "Right here. Ferments something fierce. Not pleasant goin' in, much worse comin' out," She leaned in closer. "Might right even call Emilio over. You seen the zap-zaps." Glavin gasped, and Brian actually whimpered.

"Ye, didn't tink so," Petunia said and walked back to Gravewhistle, who looked proudly at his wife. The two Krushers looked at each other nervously.

Brian the bouncer looked like the veins on his head were about to explode. Then he finally spoke. "We just take our orders, get our payment–seriously! There's not a lot of work out there for guys like us. Had to join them. Have to be apart of them. Where am I going to go? Some corporation? They won't have guys like me. Sure, little shaking down, couple broken bones, but I never wanted to get wrapped up in this! I don't want to release and control Dungeon Bosses!"

"Since that turning?" Glavin continued. "She just wants to go out and bring more and more into her fold. Little cult she's got going on. Gain more control. The bosses, those really in charge of the Krushers, we don't even talk to them! But they're working with her directly. They're the ones that got the leash to control her if she starts going too crazy. Drains her power till she can recharge!"

"Wait–" Alex held up his hand. "You're telling me the caster put herself on a leash? So the other Krushers can control her if she loses it?" His stomach was bubbling.

"Oh yes. Locks it on herself every time." Brain said with a pale face. "Safeguard. She can lose control, badly. Deal she made with them, the Krusher bosses, about something. After that, she just kept saying she had to 'gather more'. Krusher bosses told her to. Don't know who they are, swear it! But she told us she's got to use every advantage. Uses her skills. She's got orders to expand, or else! And they're using her to do it."

Alex leaned forward, but he already knew the answer. "Who? Who is she? Who's the caster trying to turn Dungeon Bosses into Familiars?"

Brian and Glavin looked at eachother like two men standing at the edge of a very deep hole. They had the Krushers on one side, bringing them along, and the gnomes on the other, waiting to jab them through with rusty tools. Brian exhaled.

"She goes by a lot of names," he said. "She's got a new one now. New name is the Dungeon Krusher," his voice lowered. "But…you know her as Britanii."

"Well…" Mary slurped the last bit of soup. "Saw that one coming."

Alex was already standing and pacing. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. SHIT." He bit his nails and walked in tight circles, almost knocking over a flower pot. "Of course it's her. It's always her. Why does it have to be her?"

"She does have that tiring pick me but I'm also going to kill everything energy, right?" Mary added.

"What now?" Alex looked at Mary and Petal. "What the fuck do we do now?"

BUZZ BUZZ

Alex instinctively glanced at his phone. It was an alarm he had set for fifteen minutes before his shift. It looked like what he would be doing now was going to work.

"Still going to work? Seriously?" Mary asked while standing up.

"I'll talk to Snu tonight," Alex stuffed his phone back in his pocket. "We'll figure this out. We…" He trailed off as Gravewhistle stepped down from his stool and approached.

"When the time comes," Gavewhistle said seriously. "The gnomes will spill forth. You know how to call us. We burrow through the bones of the city. A gnome can get anywhere there's dirt, stone, or a crack." He patted Alex on the knee. "You're not alone in this."

Alex and Mary thanked Petunia for her hospitality. The Krushers waited on their stools like little kids and watched. They did look around like there might be time to dash off.

"Ye ain't going no where 'til it's over, ye hear?" Petunia glared at Glavin when the rat faced man tried to stand up inconspicuously. "Ye'll be staying 'ere. With me," then she smiled. "Fer the time being. Now that ye've given up the goods, we can be like neighbours." Brian glared daggers at Glavin, who relented and sat back down. Alex supposed hanging out in a magical garden with gnomes was better than being killed by the Krushers for revealing their plans.

"Let's get the boys. C'mon. Gotta move." Alex looped his arm into Mary's.

Alex's gut was churning as Mary tried to talk him out of his bad headspace. It all went in one ear and out the other as he nodded along. He'd been making real progress. His heart and ego were mending after everything Britanii had put him through. The public humiliation, the flirty betrayals, the way she always made him pay for every misstep with cruel words followed by kisses. His least favorite had been the pinches, always in sensitive spots, whenever he "messed up." He was finally moving past all that, but now she was out there turning Dungeon Bosses into her personal playthings. He thought it was a pretty morbid pipeline, from chewing up boy toys to grinding down Bosses. It dug up all the old feelings that made him feel small and pathetic. Even Gravewhistle was trying to comfort him, but all Alex could think about was her cruel grin.

She's probably loving it, too.

His phone buzzed again and Alex looked at it.

Professor Neuronium: Lord Loopy missing. Not seen on Boss Biscord chats in two days.

Alex's stomach managed flip inside out and then back together somehow. The worst case scenario was unfolding in his head. Had Britanii gotten Lord Loopy? As he began to spiral while Gravewhistle ran off to grab the boys, he hear one of the only noises that would make him feel even marginally better.

"Meow."

Emilio had come to say goodbye. He was the only one that could make Alex feel even marginally better.

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