"Cold pizza, chopped, fried in butter. It HAS to be cold pizza," Nina said with authority, raising a tiny finger. She handed Alex a steaming plate piled with golden edged pizza eggs. "Cook 'til crispy, then fry in egg. Not just scramble. Fry then scramble. Better flavour."
Alex's stomach groaned. He had already changed into his red Nino's branded polo, freshly starched, pressed, and somehow warm, even though Nino had pulled it from his loot locker. Nino had run off to grab something from the back door while Nina made him wait on the wooden child sized stool. It was torture to smell frying old pizza and eggs together.
She still floated between her kitchen tasks, while spoons stirred by her will and spices tossed themselves in with levitating shakes. Her apron was still flower printed with sauce stains. But her posture was straighter, her hair thicker and redder, and her face was younger. There was a glow to her skin and a little sassy smile that seemed more youthful than last week. With a flick she summoned a fork out of thin air into Alex's hand.
He'd been asking them both, of course, what the hell was going on. How did they look a decade younger? Why were they more youthful? And why did Nina insist on kissing Nino on the cheek constantly? Every time, they'd share a secret knowling smile and shrug. "I don't know," they'd say. Nino's last booming laugh had sent him winking at a giggling Nina and up the stairs to get something. Probably something to swear Alex to silence before they shared the tea.
Alex had a thousand questions, but only his stomach demanded answers now. It was far too late in the day for a proper breakfast. He stabbed his fork into a chunk of pizza that had been kissed by the pan. Steam curled, with fried egg clinging to the hot bread. Little threads of cheese and flecks of sauce. He was unsure about this specific recipe. How could pizza and eggs together actually be good? He took a bite anyway. Alex was too damn hungry and needed some food. His brain twitched as food met tongue.
The crunch came first, perfect fried crispy bread that gave way to chewy, hot dough saturated with herbs. The egg was rich and velvety, wrapping around the tomato and aged bite of melty cheese. The flavours mixed like destiny made real. Buttery eggs and spicy pepperoni with the mozzarella in a perfect bite of fat, salt, acid, and spice. He had expected it to be weird, but it wasn't. It was like a revelation of the ancient texts. Never again would he doubt the pizza egg, and he made a secret promise to himself to make both Mary and Snu some so they could experience the breakfast explosion that had been revealed to him.
The notification hit as he swallowed his first bite. He ignored it and shoveled the plate as Nina watched him, floating and looking smug.
[You have ingested a Rare Grade Buff!]
[Nina's Pizza Eggs - TIME REMAINING - 3:59:57]
Nina's Pizza Egg Buff
This is a Unique Rare Grade Buff. It has been fried in butter, morning serenades, and two eggs that refused to be pasteurized. Flavor from Nina's ancestral skillet has morphed with the marinated carbohydrates after being sliced by a knife that Nina has claimed from her deceased enemies many decades ago.
Pizza Eggs are not just a dish. It is a constitution to use every ingredient and resource to create beauty.
For the remaining time, you receive:
[Pan-Fried Fortitude: Immune to [Existential Dread] for the duration of the Buff.]
[Crispy Clarity: You receive +15% decision making. This was added as a special addition as Nina feels you may be a 'stunod'. That means dumby. Hopefully this will aid you in not making so many stunod decisions.
You also permanently receive:
[+2% Distributable Permanent Skill Upgrade: Are you ever going to use the remaining 4%, you stunod?]
Note:
Ingestible Food Buff only works once every 24 hour period. Remember that eggs are an excellent source of protein and contain amazing brain vitamins. Those are to make you smarter.
Alex came too out of the pizza egg experience, afterglow and finally registering the notification's insult.
Stunod?...
"Did it just–"
"No be stupid, Alex." Nina was already there, her magic snatching the fork and licked-clean plate out of his hand and into the waiting sudsy sink as she waggled her tiny finger at him. When had he licked the plate clean? "You need to make good decision. You understand what I mean? No more stupid plan." Her eyes narrowed.
Alex stiffened. "What did I do?!" His stomach dropped. Strangely, he didn't feel the existential dread that usually came with being scolded. Pretty weird, in all honesty. Was she talking about the bracelet? The jailbreak of Familiar Toys? The Tax Guild?
"Ah!" Nina held up a spatula that hadn't been there a breathe ago and waved it at him. Just in time for Nino to come clomping down the stairs and into the kitchen holding a paring knife. The old man too, looked supremely disappointed. "A little mouse," Nina continued. "He call from time to time. Always call when he want something. Always with the favour. The favour, the favour, the favour. Never to say hi, or Merry Christmas, or happy jubilee. Bah!" She waved her hands.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
"A mouse?" Alex echoed. "Mr. Mystical? That little mouse?"
"Ah!" She waved the spatula again and it whooshed through the air. "That one. That one trouble too. But, he say you stupid. No be stupid. You understand?"
Alex started to speak then stopped himself. Then he opened his big mouth again. "Okay," he held up his hands from his little stool. "But like, how stupid are we talking? Because I've had a very complicated week."
"Does not matter." Nino chimed in and sat down. Under his butt appeared a simple folding chair. He brandished the knife and pointed it at Alex, looking extremely serious as he leaned in to make his point. "You are part of famiglia now. Famiglia does no act stupid. We act smart. Or at least," he looked at the ceiling for the words. "Smarter than others."
Alex stared at the knife. It was just a simple paring knife, but it was pointed casually in his direction. They wouldn't threaten him. Right? He looked back and forth between them.
"Ok. No more stupid decisions." He nodded slowly. It wasn't even the knife. They weren't going to hurt him, Alex already knew that. He knew his plan with the Krushers was stupid and short sighted. It had ended in disaster. Now the Tax Guild was sniffing around too. "If I can help them."
Suddenly all the tension from the old couple was gone. Nino leaned back into his creaky folding chair with a smile, cracked his neck left and right, and gestured grandly around the room.
"Bene. Now, before delivery start…you ask how we look younger, yes?"
Alex nodded, curious once again. He looked quickly towards Nina, who was now beating a levitating dough ball with her fists. The dough was somehow beaten into the shape of a disc and it began to spin itself before landing on the counter to be ladeled with sauce and piled with cheese.
"That is secret," Nino lowered his voice. "You know our situation." He looked over at his wife with deep affection. We are Lich. We. Not just me. Not just shop. We." He waved the knife around to show he meant the shop was included.
The old man leaned in again, all serious business now and holding Alex's eyes. "Will you make blood oath to know? To join…La cosa nostra?" Our thing.
Alex blanched. "A…a blood oath?" His voice cracked. Once he had found his footing from being destitute on the street and finally had some reliable internet, he had watched all the mob movie favorites from decades ago. He knew of Tony Walnuts in the Bronx, one of the strongest people in North America who ruled North Jersey with a ring-covered fist. He had heard whispers of Betty Bakala, the Napoletan crime heiress with ocean Skills to ship her illegal goods easily. "What does that mean? What does that…Is this a ceremony? It is like a vampire–" he was sputtering now, fearing he was going to be made an offer he couldn't refuse.
Nino burst out laughing. It was a deep, belly clapping, hearty kind of laugh. Nina cracked a rare smile, but immediately returned to beating the dough balls that she pulled out of thin air. Lest they get the wrong idea. She did however shoot him a wink.
"Stunod!" Nino said through his laughter. "I'm kidding, Alex! I'm kidding!" He looked at his wife. "Nina, you see his face? What kind of people you think we are?" The old man wiped a tear from his eye and turned back to Alex. "I'm sorry, Alex. I had to. But damn. No be racist. Not all Italian mafioso."
Alex laughed a little too, and then nino flicked his hand and produced a glistening pear out of nowhere. The old man caught it as it dropped. With ease Nino skinned the pear in one perfect spiral. A ribbon of pear skin unspooled and then dropped. Before it could hit the ground, it floated itself and tossed itself into the trash. Alex just watched the old man. That had only taken three seconds, with a simple paring knife.
"Eh? Pretty good!" Nino said, cutting a neat slice and popping it into his mouth. "Is pear season. Had to try." Before he could eat the second slice he cut, it zipped itself off the knife and over to Nina. She opened her mouth and continued her dough beating. She did hum once she tasted it, though. With the same knife, Nino sliced off a third piece and handed it to Alex on the flat of the blade.
Damn good pear. Cold, sweet, perfectly ripe. Everyone liked slices of pear cut from the knife.
Alex chuckled and looked at them. "Haha..funny joke. So you're not going to tell me?"
"Ah, Alex." Nino gave a sigh and vanished the knife and apparated a lit cigarette whose smoke curled into nothing. "Is our business. Maybe one day, and maybe soon." The old man got off the chair and pulled out the espresso machine portal maker. He clicked it into place at the very center of the kitchen. "But, you ready for delivery? Pizza egg are good, eh? Filling."
Nino flipped on the switch, and the same three green lights appeared. Nino squeezed the frother, and steam shot out. Grabbing the crank, the old man yanked, and the portal ripped open in the middle of the room. Every single time it impressed Alex. Reality cracked as just a little black dot, and then expanded into a swirling mess of nonsense and colours. Just looking at it, he wanted to jump through.
"I'm ready." They'd tell him one day, he hoped. For now, the streets needed pizza, he needed to clear his head, and there was nothing better to do that than a good shift of running and tips.
Nino clapped him on the back. "Here we go. Old friend, this one." The delivery notification popped into his head with a little ding.
[A New Job has been assigned by your Employer - Nino's Pizza]
[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 47:11]
[50 Credit Reward for Completion, along any and all tips from Customers]
[Customer: Professor Neuronium - Ontario Science Center Head Scientist]
A pizza pox flew itself from the top of the oven, and a perfect pizza slotted itself neatly into the box. Looked like extra pepperoni with peppers. Must be a good pie.
Nino handed Alex the hot box, and Alex looked at the Portal. Time to deliver another fresh pizza.
Damn. I never got to see the Science Center.
With two steps, Alex jumped into the portal. This time, Alex was almost used to the feeling of reality sneezing.
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