Dungeons & Deliveries - A Post Apocalypse Comedy Adventure [Book 1 Complete]

Book 1 - Chapter 17 - Carb Loading & Jiggly Dessert


Alex leaned back on the tiny wooden stool with both hands rubbing his full belly. His stomach pressed against his shirt and he looked like someone who had stared into the Abyss and found it full of meat sauce and moz. He had eaten two full corner pieces. No, he didn't regret it in the slightest. The second piece didn't give another stacking consumable buff, but the gains? Oh, they were telling. His breath was 80% garlic and he was a lump of bloat and joy.

Then the thunder ripped outside. Looked like tonight's deliveries came with added rain.

[You have ingested a Rare Grade Buff!]

[Nina's Lasagna Buff - TIME REMAINING - 7:47:29]

Nina's Lasagna Buff

This is a Unique Rare Grade Buff. It has been baked in an ancient glass dish from the homeland and accented with runic salt protection pulled from a coastal spirit named Rosa that pissed Nina off one time.

Nina's Lasagna is dense, cheesy, and judgemental. Consuming it has filled you exactly what you need to survive a spooky-ass full moon stormy shift.

For the remaining time, you receive:

[Layered Protection: +50% resistance to all elemental damage, including clowns, lightning, ghouls, and other filthy creatures who hate carbs.]

[Garlic Aura: Undead beings within 5 ft suffer a disadvantage to [Bite] Attempts.]

[Carbed Up: Your glycogen levels are overflowing, allowing your Core to passively regenerate +20% for the duration of the Buff.]

You also permanently receive:

[+4% Distributable Permanent Skill Upgrade]

[+5% Max Satiety Meter]

You can now eat even more before hitting your limit. Nina's influence within you has grown.

Note:

Ingestible Food Buff only works once every 24 hour period. Lasagna Buffs do not stack. Remember that three slices is too much. Perhaps enjoy some dessert or a palate cleanser.

"Ughhhhhhhhh," Alex groaned while rubbing his belly in slow circles. "Nina. That was amazing. Like life changing. Where did you learn to cook like that?" He groaned. Nino laughed from where he leaned on the table with crossed arms while looking lovingly at his wife. Nina smiled devilishly and wrung her hands like an evil cooking witch. She pointed at Alex's licked clean plate and it zapped out of his hands and into the waiting dish tub.

"My mother recipe. She was best cook in her village. She was also prettiest." She turned to shoot Nino a look. Nino coughed and nodded and agreed quick enough to placate Nina. Then she turned and asked, "You like? Is good?"

"Life changing," he repeated. "But seriously, I feel like I'm going to roll to all my deliveries. How am I going to run feeling like this?"

Nina smiled, revealing perfect teeth that were definitely dentures. She floated to the fridge and rummaged between reused margarine containers. Nino gave a massive meaty thumbs up. "Digestivo," he winked. "This my favourite."

In Nina's hands was a square of tiramisu. The cocoa sprinkling shimmered. The thick layer of mascarpone jiggled slightly like the naughty cheese it was. The lady fingers held the whole thing up, poking out even though they were expertly soaked through with just the right amount of espresso. And what was that smell? Was that Marsala wine he smelled?

Alex suddenly had room again. "Wait, but don't consumables not stack?"

"Eat," Nina snapped sweetly. "No complain. No ask. So many questions. Mangia, o la lasci stare!" Eat, damnit. She shoved the dessert into his hands and Alex hesitated for exactly one second before indulging in a spoonful. The cookies were firm, espresso rich without being bitter. The mascarpone was creamy and custardy. The cocoa was smooth. The little taste of wine for extra zing? He once again moaned in front of the elderly couple, swallowed, and then…

Another Buff hit.

[You have ingested a Rare Grade Potion!]

[Nina's Espresso Buff – TIME REMAINING – 3:59:59]

Nina's Espresso Buff

This is a Rare Grade Potion disguised as a dessert. Surprise! Brewed with a mocha pot older than your Country and spiked with God knows what, this is the smoothest brew possible.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

For the remaining time, you receive:

[Caffeine Surge: Immune to Sleep and Drowsy conditions. Including your own dialogue. +25% to Movement speed and Movement Skill Range.]

You also permanently receive:

[+1 Stamina: Your inner Stamina has been increased. Welcome to the big leagues, sweet cakes. Better get moving.]

Note: Dessert Potion Buffs are counted as Potions. Yes, it's weird. No, they do not stack. Nina will find you and yell at you if you drink too much coffee and have too much dessert. It makes you fat.

Alex was full, but not sleepy full. He felt like he could run a marathon, punch a tree in half, deliver pizza to the damn dragon that protected Niagara Falls, and still have some energy left over. Nino vanished the tiramisu dish into the dish bin with a little plop.

"You are divine, Nina. I am ready to go." He leapt to his feet.

He was bloated with power, with lasagna streaming through his veins and caffeine rocking his brain. With Snu's little gift to boot, stuffed away in his pocket. It granted him passive Charisma against Dungeon Bosses and lust based monster immunity. The moment he thought of her, the little balled up fabric warmed. A little wavering heat. He did feel the unconscious urge to sniff it.

Don't be weird, dude.

"Wait," Nina responded. "One more thing."

He shook off his invasive thoughts and came back to reality. Nino was laughing and walking to the back of the kitchen. The old man opened the one door that Alex hadn't yet seen behind and carefully closed it after. Alex heard the creak and clomping of footsteps up a flight of stairs. Then down. Nino swore and something heavy hit the floor.

"Nina, what was–"

"You stink. You need fresh shirt. He get fresh shirt." She smiled sweetly at him as if to say. "Mind your business." Nino reappeared and held something perfectly folded and crisp. It was a pristine red polo shirt. He presented it to Alex like a medal.

"Because you make through first day," Nino said, smiling with pride. "Almost none do. We give shirt." It was just a shirt. Red and cotton, but it was definitely nice. Embroidered on the sleeve was the little white wording that was clearly done by hand. Nino's Pizza.

"I think Snu will like this…" he said without thinking just as the underwear in his pocket gave a purring warmth.

Still weird.

He shrugged and slipped off his sauce and sweat soaked shirt infront of the couple. He didn't mind changing in front of them. They were a Lich couple and a hundred years old, probably. It wasn't that kind of place. As his shirt came off, his Core automatically [Inspected] the item. Of course the shirt was a Relic too.

[Delivery Boy Shirt - Upgradable]

His eyebrows shot up as he slipped it on. It fit his twiggy body perfectly. His shoulders looked bigger and the sleeves made his spaghetti arms look almost toned. Alex didn't know anything about crafting, that was more Mary or Jemin's thing. How the hell did you upgrade clothes anyways? Monster Cores? Blood sacrifice? The Core of a Garden Gnome? A city pigeon? He'd ask them when he survived his Saturday night fever shift. He also looked like a real delivery boy now.

Nina clapped her hands and whistled so loudly it hurt his ears. "Molto bene! Now you handsome. The girl will like."

Alex flushed. "Didn't you call her something the other day? What was that, by the way?"

Nina shrugged. "I no remember nothing. She like my food," Nina said as she floated back toward the counter. "Very polite over phone. Wish me happy weekend. She not so bad."

"Alex," Nino interrupted and wagged a finger in the air. "You must be very careful tonight. Full moon," the man said as he threw a strange hand sign pointed at the floor. Two fingers up, pinky and index, with the rest curled tight. It looked a bit like a rock and roll sign but more serious. Nina floated beside him and copied the gesture with her tiny hands.

"La corna," she said. "Old protection sign. You use if you see something bad. If someone give evil eye. You use fast."

"Over nuts, if you can." Nino did the sign again gesturing downwards and did the sign while tapping himself…there.

"Okay…" Alex slotted that tidbit away for later. "How bad are we talking here?" The thunder outside cracked again as if answering him. He knew the full moon meant Magic would be more violent than normal, but the couple's warning had him on edge.

"Tonight bad," Nino said grimly. "Storm, full moon, monster bolder. Bosses very awake. People change."

"Especially when moon full and stomach empty. That why you deliver. In part." Nina added.

"Got it," Alex swallowed, and prepped himself to get going. "Deliver pizza. Avoid curses. No pressure."

"Ready?" Nino asked with raised eyebrows. Alex nodded at them. He had his new shirt, a full belly, a date, caffeine to burn off, and loot to acquire.

Nino stomped over to the bolted down espresso machine and yanked on a cord that hung from its side. It sputtered and hissed. The milk steamer shot out hot air and a green button blinked three times. Then it slammed itself into running with a whoomph. The Kitchen Portal ripped open directly in front of Alex. It started as a little black tear in space then expanded outward in a swirling nebula. Tiny sounds reached out. Alex couldn't wait to jump through again and start delivering some fresh pies. There sounded like there was an amateur rock band playing in there, wherever 'there' was.

"Hit me with the first order." Alex said as he stood in front of the portal. Nino clapped him on the back and then the job notification hit.

[A New Job has been assigned by your Employer - Nino's Pizza]

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 32:41]

[50 Credit Reward for Completion, along any and all tips from Customers]

[Customer: Don Badger of the Gardiner - Cute Little Furball]

Nino summoned the order, a steaming pizza box, and handed it to Alex. He took it, adjusted his grip, and leapt through the Portal for his first delivery.

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