<~> Chapter 137

The next morning, I was returning to Celeste's tent after being summoned by one of the camp's runners. It was a lanky guy a little younger than me, but he looked scared to death when he had to deliver her message. It had caught me off guard a little before I remembered yesterday's events. I guess Talia's offer to spread some positive rumors on my behalf was a lot more necessary than I thought. I hoped that maybe people would have shrugged it off as delvers being weird, but I guess that was wishful thinking.

I knocked on the post by Celeste's tent. "Come in, Helena," I heard her call.

When I pushed through the canvas flap, she was still flipping through some papers on her desk. She frowned at one of them before setting it aside and sighing. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before shaking her head and taking a sip of water.

"I notice you didn't invite Luna here with me this morning," I said.

She nodded and activated the thing on her desk that made all the sounds around us disappear like it had during our meeting last night. "Yes, it will probably be better if we work on your instincts privately first. The way that I'm going to be working with you can have some... severe reactions, and I don't want her to be frightened by it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Severe reactions? Should I be worried?"

She chuckled. "Perhaps, depending on how you react. But don't worry, I won't hurt you."

I paused. "What about you? Aren't you worried about what I might do?"

"No," she said bluntly. "Now, please remove your blindfold. It's good you didn't wear your armor today. Don't wear it to future sessions, not until I tell you otherwise."

I frowned, but did what she said. "You aren't making light of me, are you?" I asked.

Celeste sighed. "No. If we got into a real fight, I have no doubt that you would be plenty formidable. That's not really what we're doing right now, though. If you lose control over your instincts and attack me, you'll be lashing out like an animal. You'll be predictable and sloppy. I can handle that. If you were to take this training personally enough to actually attack me, then I'll know what kind of self-control you have. I'm not going to foolishly attempt to pry you apart from my daughter, but I could be convinced it's the best option if your judgment is that poor."

I bristled a little at the veiled threat, but I didn't actually intend to attack her. I would back out of this training before I would ever let it get to the point of actually attacking Luna's mother. Not unless she was trying to kill me or my friends at least, but I just don't see that happening.

"I won't attack you," I replied.

She smiled. "Good, then we have nothing to worry about. Before we begin, do your instincts affect you while you look like a beastkin?"

I thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "A little bit? But they tend to be a lot more intense in my wolf form. I still have the instincts, but they're a bit easier to ignore. It may have happened before, but yesterday was the most intense that I've ever felt them while still in my human or beastkin form.

"Hmm... it may be better if you shift to your 'wolf form' then." She stood up and walked to an open spot in the tent. "Shift to your wolf form over here and we'll get started. There's more room to sit on the floor in this spot."

I stood up and shifted as I approached. "We're sitting on the floor?"

"Yes. Eventually the pose won't matter, but we'll start like this. Please attempt to mirror my posture and pose as much as you can." She then kneeled on the canvas floor of the tent while waiting for me to sit across from her.

I studied her pose, but found it a bit difficult to mirror. My legs bent the wrong way for me to kneel like that. Before I could say anything about it, she sighed. "I apologize. I hadn't accounted for your legs. Please sit on your heels as comfortably as you're able. You need to be relaxed enough that you can hold the pose for a long time, but tense enough that you can stand quickly if you need to."

I nodded and awkwardly got to my knees in front of her before shifting my weight until I was in a strange but comfortable sitting position on the balls of my feet. I straightened my back until it was perpendicular to the ground and placed the back of my palms on my knees like she did.

"Is this a meditation pose?" I asked.

Celeste raised an eyebrow. "You've heard of the practice? I'm surprised."

"Ah, yeah. I've never really done it before, but I've heard of it," I said.

"Interesting... Well, I'll be teaching you a technique that is taught to nearly all dragon princes and princesses when they're young. It's best to teach it before any signs of their draconic heritage begin to show, but it is only a bit harder to learn afterward."

"Draconic heritage? Like your scales? What about Luna? Shouldn't she learn this as well then?" I asked.

Celeste chuckled. "Yes, she should. But I think it would be better for you to learn this without her around at first, because the next part will be more difficult with her here. I intend to teach her this meditation technique alongside you once I believe you're in a good state. It'll be safer for everyone involved."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, what do I need to do?"

"How skilled are you at perceiving your own mana? Can you see your own pathways?" she asked.

"I'm not sure... Luna showed me how to see my own mana a little bit so that I could manage my output, but past that, the best I can do is grab the knots of mana in my chest."

"Knots of mana? Elaborate," she said suddenly. I blinked for a moment before going pale. I hadn't told her about that. I meant to keep that part close to my chest! "I... uh," My mind quickly raced to find an excuse, but I didn't know enough about magic to find anything plausible to say.

"Helena, just tell me. You seem to be a terrible liar. I understand your hesitance, but if the two of us wish to be allies, then we'll have to extend more trust to each other. That's what I'm trying to do here. Whatever you're hiding, it probably isn't worth it. Just tell me and it will give me better insight on how to help you with your instincts," Celeste said calmly.

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I sighed. "Fine... One of the things my instincts have pushed me to do is eat the hearts of any monsters I encounter. Each one changes me in some way, and some of them give me the abilities of the monsters I eat."

Celeste's brow furrowed. "That... doesn't sound like the ability of an umber hound. Has this been happening since the first time you could assume this form?"

I nodded. "One of the earliest things I ate gave me the ability to ignore the cold. It was a frost salamander. The only things that haven't triggered this instinct were things that had no hearts, like the crab monsters in this dungeon or the clockwork monsters in the Fallow dungeon. Monsters that would hurt me to eat, like lizards with acid blood... And people... until recently, when I was already so deep in my instincts that I did it automatically."

Celeste glanced away. "Strange... would you be able to demonstrate any of them?"

I glanced around until I saw a container of some of the salt from the dungeon left on her desk. I grabbed the knot of mana in my chest and tugged the ceramic container to my hand.

She jumped when the container flew from her desk to my hand, but relaxed when I held it out to her. "When I ate the heart of the snake monster, I gained the ability to control salt like it. It's a crude imitation of its power by comparison, but I think that's just a limitation of my own skill with the new power. A majority of the abilities I get seem to be minor or unnoticeable, but the ones that create 'knots of mana' in my chest are able to be activated and tend to be obvious. For some of the monsters I ate, I wasn't able to identify any difference afterward other than the feeling that something happened."

"That's... very strange. I've never heard of any monsters that can gain the power of other monsters... Until recently, I suppose. There have been .... surrounding the dungeons as of late. Monsters that do things they shouldn't, have affinities they shouldn't have, or appear somewhere they shouldn't be," Celeste said.

I frowned at the word I didn't recognize, but didn't want to dwell on it. "Nothing surrounding me has been normal. Something was happening in the Fallow dungeon from the moment I got there, probably before that even."

Celeste shook her head. "Regardless, we're getting off track. Let's get back to the meditation. This should help bring clarity to your mana pathways as well, which will give you better control over your mana regulation. I can still see you struggling to hold your output back. It's better than the first time I met you, so I know you're still working on it. This should help."

"Okay. What do I need to do?" I asked.

"Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Count to ten, breathe in, count to ten, breathe out," she said slowly. This seemed like the meditation I recognized. I followed her instructions and kept at it for a few cycles before she said anything else.

"For now, relax your hold on your mana. Let it flow through you naturally," she continued.

I nodded and relaxed. Something about my insides has felt tight ever since I started to hold it back all the time. I felt an odd sensation flow through my body, but I wasn't sure if I imagined it or not.

"Good," she whispered. "Now pick a point in your body. It doesn't matter where, and imagine that point to be the intersection of a great river. The river will be flowing through your body in a great cycle."

"Like my blood?" I asked.

I could hear the amusement in her voice. "Something akin to that, yes. But imagine it more powerfully, your river of mana is raging through you like a torrent. Flowing through your body unimpeded, even by the limitations of your veins."

I nodded and began to imagine my circulatory system. I imagined my mana like a bright blue glowing river flowing through every inch of my body from my ghostly canine ears to the very tip of each of my toes. We sat there quietly for a little while as I pictured the mental image.

"I can sense your focus, good. Now, continue your breathing exercise. You've forgotten to continue them. I want you to try and keep your breathing in long intentional breaths while continuing to picture your raging river of mana," she said.

I took a deep intentional breath before returning to the cycle. Breathe in, count to ten, breathe out, count to ten, breathe in, count to ten, breathe out, count to ten. My brows furrowed as I began to notice something strange. The water began to pulse in my mental image. It wasn't something I thought of exactly, but it started happening in my mental picture on its own.

"Continue your breathing, but consider those 'knots' for a moment. You said they were in your chest. I want you to imagine them as channels filled with the mana from your river. Imagine their connection to your core, your center of being," she continued.

As soon as she mentioned them, the four knots of mana in my chest appeared in my mind's eye. They felt like reservoirs filled with the blue liquid. Something about my perspective on how to use them changed. Rather than squeezing them, I should open the channel instead, allow them to flow through my river of mana. For a moment, I opened the gate to the misty wolves and the glowing blue mana rushed out. My body flickered for a moment and I allowed the gate to slam closed again. I watched the reservoir begin to fill in pulsing waves, and with a nudge, I watched as I was able to divert mana from the river of blue to fill it faster when I guided it.

Celeste chuckled. "Impressive. I assume that was the ability of the misty wolves from the eighth floor of the Fallow dungeon. One last thing before we move on to the next step of your training. Rather than clutching your mana to close it up inside of you, I want you to imagine the current of your mana slowing. Allow the powerful torrent of mana to weaken, become placid, and continue as a gentle current. This is how I want you to imagine your mana within you when you aren't fighting or powering your artifacts. Do not dam up your river, just slow it to peaceful calm. Excellent, continue breathing."

I swallowed and realized my mouth was dry, but I let that thought slip away as I refocused on my breathing and image of my river. It had slowed earlier as she gave me instructions, but it hadn't slowed as much as I thought it should. It didn't feel calm. It still felt like there were eddies and whirlpools in the path of my river. I concentrated on the spots that I imagined were stuck, and straightened them out until everything was flowing nicely. Continuing to keep my breathing at an even pace was a challenge, but I kept it steady until Celeste broke me from my focus.

When she spoke again, I heard something I hadn't expected, she spoke with pride. "Excellent, you're making good progress. You must be very imaginative, with clear strong images in your mind. You would make a fine spellcaster if your other aspects didn't pull you to a more natural path. This next part will be difficult. Try to keep your river flowing slowly, your breathing even, and the mental picture of your mana intact."

I nodded and there was a long pause. Long enough that I was concerned that I had missed it. I had not.

I jumped back six feet and spread my claws wide. My heart was thundering in my chest, my breathing ragged, my pupils dilated. I felt the crushing weight of terror and horror squeezing my chest as I felt something impossibly large looming down on me. I felt gigantic eyes blazing with a burning inferno staring into my soul. Malice and quiet rage looked over my insignificant form and judged me a threat. I was about to die. There was no escape. Nothing could save me. Luna. My friends. Everyone was going to die.

And then those feelings were gone.

I gasped for breath and crumpled to my knees in my human form. I was covered in sweat. My entire body was shaking. My heart was still racing. I simultaneously felt like I wanted to run far far away or curl into a tiny ball and scream.

"Hmm... maybe a bit too much for the first time. I wasn't sure how you would react, so I went a little bit further than I normally would."

I slowly gathered the courage to look up at Celeste, who hadn't moved from the spot she was in while we were meditating.

"What the fuck was that?" I whispered.

A wide dangerous grin spread across Celeste's mouth. There was a glint of something dangerous in her eyes. Something that scared me. "You just got to experience what it's like to face down one of my ancestors. And we will continue to do this over and over again until you're still able to think while it's happening. Who knows? You might need it someday."

My heart dropped.

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