We didn't celebrate Christmas in the Stewart house. With Dad not caring and Mom being very pagan we did our own thing. Part of that included cinnamon scented candles. That we were out of. Which meant a father and daughter outing.

I'd missed the collection of little family-owned stores by the university. The smell of popcorn from the sweets shop. The tree made of twisted metal that held crystals of all colors on its branches in the gift shop. The cartoon chef ordering around tomatoes and cheese on the window of the pizza place. The iron lamps painted in dark green and crafted to look like they were still powered by oil.

I really was back in the real world. Where curses didn't matter and no projections of the past or maybe future to talk to. No attics with wraiths looking for a victim. And no stolen magic knives hidden by bad actors.

"You seem deep in thought. Everything okay?" Dad asked as we stopped outside the candle shop. In the window display was a wax sculpture. Layers of different colors twisted together to make a vague shape I couldn't decipher. All I could see was white, red, green, purple and blue wax.

I gripped at my left wrist. "I…feel like I've just woken up after a vivid dream."

"That different?"

"And then some. It was…nothing like Mom described. I mean…physically it was but…I don't think anything could have prepared me for it. I don't know if I was really ready."

Dad nodded, "But you love it."

"I think I do. My friends are weird and they kinda suck but I wouldn't exchange them for new ones."

I looked away from the window display to see his expression, fearing the worst.

But it wasn't needed. He looked…relieved? Proud? I couldn't tell. It wasn't the kind of expression he made often. Not that Dad emoted any more than I did, but still. "Serafina, were you happy here?"

Trust Dad to cut to the point. "I think so. I mean…I'm glad I had the experience I did. School sucked. But I liked having Ethan in my life for as long as I did. And this is home. I wouldn't…I don't wish I'd grown up there."

I looked down at the bricks beneath our feet. Uneven in color and cracked in a few places. But so familiar.

Dad chuckled once, "You have too much of me in you."

I laughed, "After seeing how Mom's 'friends' reacted to her, I think you might be the only person who thinks that." Except maybe Vivian. Maybe. Assuming she realizes how much like Dad I really was. Apparently, that was in contention.

"That bad?"

"Worse."

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Dad flinched a little.

"Come on, let's get these candles. You promised me cupcakes."

The candle shop wasn't special, but it was the only one in town that sold the kind of candles Mom liked for this time of year. Tall, thin things made from red wax with black wicks and smelled like cinnamon. Not sweet but spiced. It reminded me more of chai tea than baked goods.

I carried the bag with them as Dad and I walked to the sweets shop. Seven different flavors of caramel popcorn, a clear counter full of baked goods, and shelves of candy not found in any grocery store. The best part was it was the only bakery in town that sold cupcakes without frosting, opting for fruit instead.

They were the best cupcakes ever.

Because I wasn't Mom I could contain my excitement when Dad ordered our usual. "Half dozen of the Raspberry Chocolate and half dozen of the Mango Honey."

The honey cake was way too sweet for me, but that's probably exactly what Mom liked about them. The woman could eat sugar cubes and still think it should be sweeter.

The frosting on most cupcakes was way too sweet for me though. I couldn't stand that amount of sugar.

We walked in silence back to the parking lot.

I watched Dad take a deep breath. I was already seated and clicking in the seatbelt when I noticed he was just standing there with his hand on the car door. He exhaled very slowly, deliberately. I recognized it instantly.

I didn't say anything. I always preferred it when people let me talk at my own pace.

Then Dad opened the door and sat down. "You know, I don't mind the magic stuff."

"I do know. You saw Mom use magic and proposed anyway."

"I mean I don't mind you doing magic stuff."

"Not that I can do magic stuff. Not on command. Not like Mom can. That's what the curse does, it…consumes my mana before I ever get a chance to do anything with it."

"Like some kind of parasite?"

"Basically, an energy sucking thing. I think the plan is to overload it when my magic changes color."

"I don't fully understand that."

"I don't either. But everyone acts like it's just a thing that happens and doesn't need explaining."

"And yours will?"

"It should, everyone's does. And apparently it gets stronger? More potent? I keep reading but the less sense it seems to make. I should just trust it, but trust is hard when all the data tells me that I'm not like everyone else."

"Hard to argue with data, but having differences doesn't mean radically different outcomes."

I held up my left hand. The glove covered everything, but it was still there. No amount of cloth would change the truth. If anything, the curse was proof that I had something that resembled potential. No matter how little. It was just a matter of finding out how to tap into it and make it be enough.

"Does it hurt?" Dad asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Not right now. Sometimes it does, but only when I'm upset."

Dad hummed.

It was a prompt to continue. Or permission if I wanted it. "This curse isn't new. Knowing about it is. I've always had it. Discovering it was…inevitable. I think. Better there than here."

"Maybe."

I hated the maybes. Especially when they were the right word for it. We would never know now. I looked out the window and let my hands rest in my lap. The rest of the car ride was quiet.

So much white snow. But not a single holly tree in sight. No forest hiding things wanting to eat me. None of the walls were the same color and all the houses were basic cookie cutter single stories. Front yards had snowmen, each decorated with different colored scarfs. Some had beanies, one had a top hat with a large red ribbon.

Then we were finally home. Which meant driving past the Archer house. Ethan's house. They didn't have any snowmen in their yard. They never did decorations for things outside. The house always looked the same as it sat there right across the street.

I kept my head down and turned away as I left the car.

So close. My former best friend was so close and yet…he might as well be on the other side of the world. I missed him. Thoughts of new friends didn't soothe the ache in my chest.

But even now, I knew saying no had been the right call. No matter the goodbye it led to. Imagine if the curse or my magic has somehow woken up around Ethan? That would have been a disaster far worse than a simple expulsion.

Would he have thought of me as a monster? As something not human? Would he have hated me for it?

I would never know. Could never know. What had been done couldn't be undone. The past can't ever be changed. All I could do was move forwards.

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