I was laying in an endless field of white. It might have been snow, but something about it felt…off. Wrong in some hard to pinpoint way. I sat up slowly. Stiff and uncomfortable. No trees, no buildings, and the sky above was a blend of purples, blues, light greens, and oranges. The moon was massive, and a yellow color that reminded me of dried leaves.

Whatever I was standing on had stuck to me in some places. Other pieces of white flaked off.

Ash?

I tried to take a step. A deafening crack in the quiet of this place and I fell back into the bottomless ash field beneath me. I couldn't get up. It was all I had to roll over. I looked to see my foot had entirely snapped off and was crumbling to more ash.

My hands too were disintegrating before my eyes. Flaking away in bits of dust.

I awoke with a scream and was very thankful for the soundproof walls.

I risked a glance out the window. Too dark outside to even begin to guess the time. But there was no way I was getting back to sleep after that.

It was going to be a rough day, I could already tell.

(*********)

My intuition wasn't a liar. Today was quickly shaping up to be an absolute mess. Breakfast itself was fine. Nothing really much happened, but then the harbinger of terrible weekends appeared.

"Serafina, do you have a moment?" I looked up to see Set standing behind Jarec. He looked somewhere between nervous and anxious.

There were a lot of ways I could and wanted to respond to Set. We have a meeting in two hours this couldn't wait? No, I don't. Someone at this table please save me. Why was he so nervous? Should I be nervous? Instead of any of that I said, "Sure. What do you need?"

I just hoped it was quick.

"Perhaps not in front of your entire Tower?"

That phrase, while true, rang hollow when the rest of my Tower was only four people. But I'd indulged him this far. "Okay sure. See you guys in a bit then."

I hoped they understood that I had zero interest in whatever this was. Gods it had better be important.

Set's expression worsened, as we stood just off the large doors to the grand hall. I wondered if there was a way to express my impatience without coming across rude.

"Set?" I prompted.

He had a deep-set frown. It was a little odd to see on someone who was usually too cheerful. "Is…How do I phrase this? You're…if something was wrong, like you get in over your head or find yourself nowhere else to turn, you can come to me. Or to the other Representatives. Or to your Tower Head."

It was a little late to worry about that. I'd been in over my head since I got here.

"I do know that, thank you Set." I hoped that didn't come off as sarcastic as I felt like being. "Is this about something in particular or…?" What, did he just think I needed a reminder? I wasn't his concern anymore.

"I worry is all. Sometimes I think the others forget you're in still in your first year." His smile was an awkward attempt at reassurance. Like he was trying to make me feel better but had no idea what he was doing. Granted, I didn't know either.

"You don't need to worry about me. Let me worry about me. Don't forget, I'm not a Pixie, I'm a Dragon. If I didn't have what it takes, it wouldn't have picked me."

I hoped that was true. That it knew what it was doing more than I did. I didn't feel nearly as lost as I had that first day, which felt like a lifetime ago. So much has happened since I left home.

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But I was still the same Serafina, wasn't I?

"I'm not trying to say I doubt you, but I know that this year has been a lot. More than I think anyone should have to deal with and sometimes I think more than you let on."

Crap. Right. Of course. Pixies were observant. Part of that, 'being highly sociable' thing. I could lie to him, but there was always the risk of being caught out. And he'd clearly picked up on something.

"You're…not wrong," I settled on as I gathered my thoughts. "I…There is…a lot going on. And there are parts of it I can't handle by myself." I had to word this very carefully, but maybe I could get him to focus on the next part. "But for those things, I have my Tower. And Professor Hearth. I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing for you to worry about. I have people I trust here."

It was the truth. Regardless of the endless list of details I was leaving out. Like the Wraith, Red, and the curse. But telling him any of that wouldn't get me out of this conversation. And for now, no one else really needed to know. And I wasn't lying. I did confide in the others, and I was getting help with the curse.

Not that we'd made much progress, but I was trying and that had to count for something!

I felt like it did. Trying my best to solve a problem I didn't cause.

Set wasn't frowning anymore, but he seemed deep in thought. Oh boy. "That's good," he said after way too long for such a simple thought. "I won't…I know there's something you aren't telling me. But I can take a hint when my nosiness is unwanted. And if you really are trusting in your friends, I guess that's all I can ask." There was the rest of it. I guess I hadn't fooled him completely, but we reached an understanding and I was grateful enough for that.

"I meant it, when I said I appreciated it. Necessary or not."

He didn't look convinced.

But I was willing to stand my ground on this. This was mine and Dragon Tower's problem, no need to bring others into this mess. Especially since I didn't know what kind of mess this truly was.

He didn't press further, which I was grateful for.

"If you're sure, then I suppose that's everything."

"I'll see you later. At the meeting," I told him before leaving while trying to not outright run from this.

The others were still in our usual spot, sitting as if nothing had changed. I tried to sneak in without anyone noticing. It didn't work.

"So," Jarec said casually, or he was trying to sound it to not pressure me, "what did Set want?"

"To stick his nose in Dragon Tower business. Thinks I'm in over my head," I told them. There hadn't been anything worth hiding about the talk with Set.

Russel made a face like something smelled bad, "Seriously?"

"I told him I had it handled. And if I needed help that's what you guys are for." And they'd better be, this mess might have been mine to clean but they weren't uninvolved. We needed all five of us to have a Tower.

Fethris was smirking, and I wasn't entirely sure why. "I'm going to hold you to that. If anything happens, keep us updated."

"Of course." I didn't promise it. I didn't like making promises I doubted I would or could keep. But I would still try, even when I expected to fail. But they didn't need to know that.

(*********)

I poured the purple liquid into the cup and stared into the small wisps of steam. I hated meetings, and that day's was long over. Sitting quiet downstairs alone with my thoughts. Or as alone as Dragon Tower allowed.

"Do you think I'm in over my head too?" I asked the walls.

"You might be. But that's life, isn't it? It kinda feels like everything is above us. Out of reach like a book on the tallest shelf."

I looked up to see Red leaning against the table with her back to me. Meaning all I could see of her was red cloth. I couldn't be sure from my angle, but I suspected her arms were crossed.

"I'm probably just tired," I mumbled. "I need to go home for a bit, this place is getting to me."

She chuckled, the sound still reminded me of when Mom was planning things or was too pleased with herself. "Yeah. It does that. For better and for worse. You think it's going to miss me?"

"I think so. I would, or maybe will?" It was confusing. Whatever timeline bullshit that enabled these chats with Red would give me headaches if I thought about it too much.

"The future is complicated. Trust me, I know."

"Everything's complicated, but…I'm glad I have it. That I have the others."

"Can I tell you something? And you have to promise to not ask what I'm talking about."

"Sure? I mean…probably?"

"I know things. About you. And…you should know that it's not your fault. Bad things happen and we can't always stop them. But that doesn't make them our fault."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah that's kind of the point. But you will. And you might not remember this, but it's still true."

"I guess I'll just have to trust you," I said. Trying to think what on Earth she could be talking about. Was it something that already happened? Hadn't happened yet? She asked me not to ask questions but her statements were too vague to not push for answers on. Then again, whatever enabled this seemed to listen to her. She'd hung up on me once before.

"I would hope so. I take great care to earn people's trust. To be worthy of it. I like being depended on by my Tower. Even when they're being annoying."

"Are your Dragons like mine?"

"Worse. Remember there's more of them."

"I hope I can be someone my Dragons can rely on. I hate the idea of needing them more than they need me."

"Thinking of anyone specific?" That knowing and teasing tone of her voice made me kind of want to go over and shake her.

"Maybe. He and I needed each other, I think. But it's…comfortable. Having someone who leans on me. It's familiar."

"The more things change, right?"

Maybe. "Learning new habits is harder than I thought."

"You'll figure it out."

Somehow. I was going to have to.

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