Vim was being odd again.
At least it was while we were alone, in the house in the center of the Cathedral.
"Why do they always ask for things I can't give them? How come they're all so simple yet so complex?" he grumbled, his muffled voice making my ears flutter a little as I tried not to giggle and squirm excitedly.
"I find it to be a rather humble compliment myself. It means they really do trust you Vim, even with their grievances they still know they can rely on you," I said.
I mean… I could understand, really. I myself would probably have asked for something similar from him, had I not had his heart. Those like Mapple, their requests which so deeply perturbed him, were actually rather sad and simple things.
They wanted companionship. And since they couldn't find it elsewhere, amongst our other members or the humans, they sought it out in a way that was almost daunting.
Asking Vim, a man they viewed as a stalwart protector, for a child made a lot of sense really. More than it should, to be honest.
Especially considering how adorable he was.
Vim was lying in my lap. He was lying down on the bed, with me sitting cross legged, and he had wrapped himself around my waist. He was acting as if he was a child, sulking in his mother's lap. It was of course, utterly adorable, and I was enjoying every moment of it… but that was the problem.
He was genuinely venting. He was complaining, about everything, and I could tell he wanted me to take him seriously. Yet I just wanted to giggle and laugh, and return his strange affection by wrapping him up in a hug myself.
I held myself back though as I turned the page of Oplar's letter. She had only written me three pages, or well two and a half, since she had used the last back of the second page to draw me a picture. It was a wonderful little letter, answering some questions I had asked from the letter I had left here on our last visit, and her telling me how deeply she valued our friendship. That she liked me more than she liked Vim, basically.
Yet as wonderful as the letter was, I was having difficulty focusing on it. Vim was just being too strangely adorable.
"What if someone asked you, Renn? How would you feel?" he asked, sighing as he did.
Shifting ever so slightly, since I had felt his hot breath on my stomach, I tried not to squirm too much.
I wasn't naked, which I had regretted a little in the beginning but now I was thankful for. I wore my light undergarments, and every so often he shifted or sighed in such a way that made me want to shiver. I almost wanted another layer or two for added protection, in a way.
"I'd turn them down, Vim. I'd understand where they're coming from, and it would be a compliment unlike any other… but to me a child is more than just a child. There's no point in having one with someone other than you," I said honestly as I studied Oplar's little drawing.
It was a drawing of her family. Her parents. I had asked for their likeness, so I could paint them. She had more than happily accepted. Her drawing was… honestly not bad, but it was still crude and done in only a single shade of ink. With charcoal, or something like it, it looked. But she did well enough that I'd be able to give them life in my own way once able.
"That's the problem isn't it? To them it's nothing. Like Frett. She didn't actually want Tim, she just wanted a child, and he had felt like the easiest option. Maybe it's not a compliment then, Renn?" Vim grumbled.
I smirked at him. "They ask you Vim, because they can trust you. They know you won't hurt them, or make weird demands. Plus many of them find you half-attractive, and I'm sure they also like the idea of your offspring inheriting your strength and abilities too," I said, giving him my own assessment of it.
"You talk as if you've thought of it yourself," he mumbled into my lap.
"I have…? I mean… of course I've thought of having children with you. We've not really talked about it, but… I mean…" I felt a little warm all of a sudden, and not because he was coiled around my lap and waist.
His arms wrapped around me tightened a little as he made his little noise. "Hmph."
Patting his back gently, I smiled at him.
He was being weird. Like that moment back at Elaine's. Where he had held me all night long.
Such oddness was… expected of Vim, yet not. He was an odd man. With odd secrets. But this was something weird, even for him. Though in a way it suited him, somehow. Vim was a stoic man. Calm. Expressionless half the time. Yet I knew deep within him were storms of emotions and thoughts, ones he barely controlled sometimes. So him acting like this actually made a lot of sense, in a way.
Honestly this time I was just relieved he was at least talking to me. Last time he had been all awkward and silent, letting me mumble and complain to myself.
"Really Vim… it's sad, in truth," I admitted as I lowered Oplar's letter. I put it aside, over near my bag. I had been in the middle of sorting my stuff when Vim had arrived and nearly tackled me like this, so our bags were scattered around on the bed with one of his also on a chair nearby, the one over by the mirror. I glanced at it, and liked the sight reflecting in it, even if not fully. I could see half of Vim, and some of my legs and tail. I liked the way he looked laying on me, for some reason.
"It is, isn't it?" he mumbled softly.
I nodded. "Her life is so sad, so lonely; her deepest desire… what to her had been a final request to her protector was to ask for just a place to live. A home. Because she doesn't know if she'll have one here soon," I said softly.
"And for a child," he reminded me.
"That too. That's sad too, Vim… It means she's utterly abandoned any hope of finding someone herself. Why is that Vim? Why are so many of our members so lonely?" I asked.
"There are not enough of us, Renn."
"But there are?" I argued.
He shifted ever so slightly, but didn't lift his head from my lap. I gently rubbed his back some more, hoping he'd not get up yet. I was actually enjoying this. "There is, in a way. There are more women than men, but most are widows or too old for such things, so eligible mates are rather even all things considered. But that's under the assumption everyone can get along. That every man and every woman is suitable for a relationship with another. That's not the case. It isn't in any society. Not even humans are that forgiving. And non-humans are even pickier than humans, thanks to bloodlines and stuff," he said.
"Right…" I mumbled. "And since they want children the alternatives don't work," I said.
"Back in the beginning it had been easier. There had been larger locations, more that were like the Summit or Lumen where many members came and went. Made it easy for people to mingle. Plus back then a lot of them had been simpler people. They did not really desire a mate, just children. So there had been plenty of families with only single parents, and they were happy with that. Now they all are more human-like. They don't just want children; they want the family unit that accompanies it. Or community, such as what one finds in a village. Makes it hard," Vim said.
Community…
I thought about that for a moment as I ran my thumb along his shoulder blade. It, and the muscles all around it, was a little odd thanks to his angle and how he had his arms wrapped around me. "Do you want a community Vim?" I asked him after a moment of considering it.
"I have one. It's the Society."
Smiling at that, I felt silly. Of course he'd answer that way. "I meant more… personal. You have members you consider friends, actual friends, like Nebl and Berri, don't you? Don't you desire to have them nearby?" I asked.
He was quiet for a bit, and thanks to how still he was as he thought I knew he was taking my question very seriously. I patiently waited for his response, which took quite a few minutes surprisingly.
"I don't know," he finally admitted.
Oh…? "Really? I'd think you'd like that, Vim. I don't know if you've noticed, but I can always tell when you're somewhere you feel comfortable. You relax a little more, and smile more often. Surely there's nothing wrong with desiring that is there?" I asked.
"No. There isn't. But I don't know if I'd be able to put up with them all nearby, at all times. I actually like being alone sometimes," he said.
"You do?" I asked.
He nodded, and while doing so took a deep breath and sighed again. My tail squirmed as he did so, and I wondered why he found my lap so comfortable.
Maybe I should have him return the favor, so I could feel what it was like.
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"The idea of living alongside Lilly and all the rest would just make me want to run away. They're good people, but needy," he added.
Grinning at him, it was my turn to sigh. "It's their job to be needy, Vim. Plus I don't see them wanting to eat together, or just spend time leisurely with one another as being needy. That's just normal," I said.
"To you, Renn. To you."
Maybe. But it was interesting to learn that Vim really didn't like the idea of living in one place with many others at once. It was… a little surprising, to be honest. I had always known he didn't like being too overwhelmed when it came to emotional moments, yet hadn't thought it so bad that he'd want to live away from others.
It was likely why he liked traveling around so much. It allowed him to visit people in short little bursts and then move on and give him peace of mind, alone, as he did.
"Can I ask something a little scary, Vim?" I whispered gently as I thought about it.
"Mhm."
"Mapple's mention of a village. You don't think she's just misunderstanding Randle's plan to open a new church, or orphanage?" I asked.
"She was confident it was a place to house members. It could just be a misunderstanding, but I don't believe in those at the moment," he said.
"Do… do you think there's any connection with my plans then? To build a place for members to come and stay, if even only temporarily?" I asked.
Vim was quiet for a moment, and then his leg shifted ever so gently. He pushed himself forward a bit, as to shift the way he was laying on my lap. I at first thought he was about to sit up, to ruin this happy little moment, but he simply re-positioned himself so he could lay with his head turned to the side a little more comfortably. As if he was lying down to sleep, and I his pillow.
"There might be Renn. I was trying to ignore that. Why'd you bring it up?" he asked, as if it was now all my fault.
Smirking at that, I patted his back gently. "Maybe we just should do it then? Let's pick a place up north, let Randle and Angie make their orphanage, and we can build a nice little village. You can be another Tor," I suggested.
"Is that you giving me permission to step down, then?" he asked.
My ears went stiff. "No!" I shouted, panicking a little.
He chuckled at me, and I sighed in relief. Gosh! He had said that so seriously! My tail had nearly fallen off!
"You can build your little village if you want to, Renn. I'll help you. But I'll not run it, have authority, or call it my own. I've done that before, it only ends up with me either having to conquer nations or wipe them off the map. Never ends well," he said.
Frowning at that, I tried to make sense of what he was saying. "Why does running a happy little village end up so grandiose?" I asked.
"Inevitability. Look at this place Renn, or Lumen. Or any of the kingdoms the Society has built. They fall because they grow too much. They become corrupt. Something other than what they had been originally built to be. This place, this Cathedral, used to be a tiny church. A small church in a small village with only a few thousand people. Look at it now," he said.
Right…
"But you didn't make it this way on purpose, did you? You just helped build it and protect it. You let Celine and the rest do their thing, and it became like this. Wouldn't we be able to avoid all this if you intervened and kept the village… simple?" I asked.
"Even if I was willing to force my will on people, nothing stays simple for long Renn. That's just nature."
Hmph.
Glancing over to the wall nearby, by the bed, I stared at the spear.
Right. Nothing stayed simple.
"I'd still like to try, Vim," I whispered as I studied the red cloth upon the spear. It was still, even though I knew if I simply blew a little air its way it'd flutter and sway. It was that light. Before Vim had shown up I had been messing with it a little. I had noticed it had swayed oddly, with no wind, and realized how light the cloth was. Plus it didn't smell, neither did the spear itself. They were like the rest of the stuff Vim carried around.
There was also now a rather noticeable little cut-like hole near the door on one of the house's main pillars. I had thankfully not stabbed the spear into it too hard, since it had slid into the wood without any resistance at all. Like a sharp skinning knife would into fish meat.
The blade was so sharp it hadn't even noticed the hard wood pillar. And something told me it wouldn't have noticed anything else either. Metal or stone.
It was the first real weapon Vim's ever given me. Not one for training, not one for hunting or preparing food or kindling for a fire. But an actual weapon. To use to kill.
Why had his mother made such a thing, I wonder? Had she not wanted him to be a teacher? What teacher needed a weapon for war?
"Then feel free to build your village. I'll always support you Renn, no matter what path you wish to traverse."
I nodded. I knew that. "I've asked Randle to find a suitable location. To help him and Angie. I also left a letter for Oplar, for when she returns. I asked Randle if he'd let her be involved too, since she might need a place to go if Telmik falls apart," I said.
"He told me."
Of course he did. "Why's he so open with you? And you him? All of a sudden?" I asked, a little annoyed. I was glad that Randle trusted Vim enough to talk to him, when he was basically ignoring everyone else at the moment, but it was a little frustrating to not be included in that same trust. Was I not his wife? Was I not trustworthy? Or did I just lack the centuries that they had?
"He's just a broken man. I get along with those types, Renn."
About to tease him about that, I hesitated a moment… and realized he was right.
Vim actually did get along well with such people. Those who were… broken in ways I didn't understand.
The lost. The confused. The weary.
Like Tosh.
Running my hand along Vim's back, I smiled at the protector of more than just flesh and blood.
"So Vim," I started. He shifted his head a little, telling me he was listening. "You know how Tor and Bray make their own little worlds…? Can you do that?" I asked carefully.
"No. I'm not a monarch Renn. I know none of you believe me, but I really am not one," he said simply.
"I see…"
"Hoping I could do it for your village, were you?" he asked with a chuckle. I relished the feeling of it.
"Yes. Would it be possible?" I asked.
"No. Their little worlds are fake, Renn. Illusions. Take Bray for instance. We had still been in the forest. The real one. No one else could see us there, but it was nothing more than a trick. Such tricks fail during moments when you need them most. Even the grandest of monarchs, the First Borns, capable of crafting massive illusions with ease couldn't hide a whole village for long. A god could have done it, though," he said.
Oh…? "Gods did such things?" I asked.
He nodded. "Many did. Most just molded the world to their needs, such as those monoliths in the south or the floating kingdoms that used to be in the skies, but quite a few chose to make illusionary worlds or whatnot. They were annoying to find, but once you did they were easy to break," he said.
My tail and ears danced a little as I soaked up his words, and his warmth.
So much in so little! Kingdoms in the sky. Those monoliths. Him saying they broke easily once he found them…
Before I could think of something to say, or ask, that would not cause him to get up and end my happy little moment… Vim took a small breath and sighed. "I see where you're coming from though. You want to find a place to protect and keep everyone safe. I can work with that. Give me time to think about it, and maybe I can come up with something," he said.
Oh my! "You would do that?" I asked.
"I would."
"Is it… possible?" I asked.
"I don't think so. Otherwise I would have suggested, or done such things, all this time. But there's no harm in me trying to think about it again, maybe after all this time something will come to mind," he said simply.
Oh. "Okay…" I said softly as I nodded.
Vim nodded too, and then buried his face deeper into my lap. I held back the squirms that wanted to erupt, and allowed my tail to do all the wiggling as to get it out of my system.
For a moment I was content just to sit there, but then I realized something important. I patted Vim's back, to get his attention.
"Hm?"
"Meriah! She's not here yet!" I said worriedly. And we were leaving soon! In a few hours, maybe! Once the sun rose!
"Ah. I left a letter for her with Randle. They don't like each other anymore, but he's the only one she talks to here. She'll know we're bound for Lumen, though I told her we will be making a few stops along the way so she will likely beat us there," Vim said.
Oh? We had some stops? Probably more stuff he wanted to pick up.
"I was hoping to travel with her to Lumen," I complained.
"Mhm… I figured. Sorry Renn."
I huffed as I thought of her smell. It made me smile. "I've gained a lot of friends lately, Vim," I said.
"You have. Well done."
Grinning happily, I nodded. He had sounded utterly genuine in compliment. Usually when talking of such things he'd tease me, or mumble a complaint that they were all women and trying to steal me form him… so it was nice to hear him actually say his true feelings on the matter.
Though…
I frowned at him, and wondered if I had heard what I think I had just heard.
He had just sounded half asleep, just now. His answer had been muffled, like many of them, but…
With my hand on his back, I slowly felt my eyes go wide… as sure enough he began to breathe a little more evenly.
A little deeper.
And…
"Vim…?" I whispered quietly, afraid to, but I had to confirm it. I couldn't see his face, thanks to how he had angled it.
No answer came, as he fell deeper into slumber.
"Hah…" I found myself smiling, and I even blinked blurry eyes as I felt, heard, and saw Vim fall asleep.
On my lap.
Gently running my hand along his back, I made sure to keep my happily swaying tail from bumping into him. I didn't want to wake him with any sudden or strange movements.
He was actually sleeping! For the first time in months!
And for it to be while like this…!
Granted… it might just be actual exhaustion. From all the drama and headaches. I felt exhausted, and I'd not had to deal with half of what Vim's had to lately. He's spoken personally with each member here, dealt with complaints and requests, handled gathering up the items he didn't want to risk being found, and even my own antics and woes all the while.
He was so strong, but he was in the end just one man. One set of shoulders. Even if the strongest shoulders in the world, there was still only so much they could carry.
Although he had wanted to leave in the morning… when the sun rose… I decided to let him sleep. Even if he did so through the day. Not just because I wanted to indulge in this moment, either.
"I love you Vim," I whispered, and hoped whatever dreams he found while within my lap were good ones.
He deserved them. Earned them.
Especially since I knew how hard he had to fight for them.
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