Dear Diary,

Of all the things I never expected to happen, enjoying the 'spending time with kids' part of being a mom is definitely the weirdest wholesome thing so far.

I mean, seriously, I can't say it's the weirdest thing. So much shit vying for that top spot. But weird things that are also somehow wholesome are in a lot shorter supply. Most of the wholesome things aren't really weird, nor is it even weird that I like them. Most of the weird things are somewhere in the direction of 'freaky', some of them so far in that direction that they've passed freaky in the rear view, waved buh bye to the straights when they passed 'perverted', and are way off in potentially unhealthily twisted territory.

It does not make me copacetic that there are so many of those, too. Seriously, BDSM is just kinky, and some of the extremes we've taken it to might count as perverted, but even those are relatively tame compared to literally slicing my Maenad wife into small chunks. What I do with my Worshippers at Revels is at worst the mild kind of exhibitionist slash voyeuristic kink, but then there's the absolute visceral horny thrill I got when I dipped a tiny bit of Siobhan's hair into my maw, not to mention how much I enjoy all the sensations during Mimic dream time, because some of those are definitely adults only sensations. I'm not even gonna try to sort out exactly where on the kink spectrum 'doing my partners with tentacles' belongs, because here and now it seems like folks treat them like extra limbs, and treat extra limbs kind of like you'd treat a sex toy in somebody's bedside table. Maybe surprising, depending on the person, but not out of pocket in any kind of way; maybe not even kinky, just a practical partner pleasing part.

But when the circle of 'wholesome' is added to 'weird' and 'enjoyable', spending time with kids stands alone. I mean, I enjoy cooking, but I enjoy eating too much for that to be weird. I don't actually enjoy doing laundry. But spending all day yesterday, not just with my girls, but with all of their classmates, was just sublime. Helping them work out their social issues in constructive ways. Giving them new foods to try and watching their little faces light up, or even watching them make awful faces when they find something that's not for them. I think Daya really broke the rest free on that; she did not like the panini I made out of some of the fish I caught down in Jackville, and she was absolutely brutal about it. Full on spitting the bite out, scraping at her tongue, making incoherent 'blech' noises.

I just sighed, smiled, and brought her a grilled cheese. "You're not mad?"

I snorted. "Why would I be mad. It's not like you asked me to make you a grilled fish sandwich. You tried it, you hated it so bad you lost your shit a little bit." I handed her a napkin; the temple had nice cloth ones for the restaurant, and the kids used them at lunch. "I'm gonna ask you to pick up that bit you spit on the floor and toss it in the trash, because leaving that mess is rude, but I'm not mad at you."

She looked at the napkin, looked up at me, then sighed and took the napkin. "Okay, Mama. Thanks for the new sandwich."

I nodded, scooped up the fish, and said, "anybody else wanna try a bite?" When the rest of the kids shook their heads, I ate it myself. 'Oh, but little kid germs!' Seriously, there is not a body part of any of my wives that hasn't gone in my mouth except the ones that don't fit, and I'm sure I've licked all of those. Not absolutely certain about Siobhan, and now I'm sad because I cannot correct that patent injustice until she's over her morning sickness. Which might be any day now, or it might last until her kid pops out. Which might happen in another five months, or not for another thirteen, which... thirteen more months of misery for my sweet Siobhan does not bear thinking on.

What does bear thinking on is remembering to bring back some fish for Ria, because just as I ate the last bite she poked at the me sitting next to her. "Is there another fish sandwich?"

"Uh, no?"

She sighed. "Sorry, my mouth was full, but I wanted to try it if I was still hungry after my egg and cheese."

I gave her a hug. "Tell you what. I'll see if I can snag another fish while I'm down in Jackville, and I'll make you one if I do."

"Thank you, Mama!"

Yeah, there is a nonzero chance that I would do some seriously shady shit to make my kids happy. Snagging a fish and making a sandwich is just a no-brainer.

What with yesterday being Friday, I brought home pizza for dinner. Yeah, technically once the sun goes down it's Saturday, but the kids don't care. They cheered for pizza anyhow. Oddly, Ria and Maze seem to prefer the non-tomato pizza, leaning toward the pesto pizza. Which, y'know, leaves me weirded out, but since pizza here and now is an Academy Kitchen Secret rather than being the cheapest possible school food, having it wind up kinda boutique and experimental isn't that surprising. Daya and Lindsey both like the garlic alfredo sauce pizza. I heard it called 'white pizza' back in the day, but they always had tomato slices on it, and I figured if somebody didn't want tomato sauce, they weren't gonna want tomato slices, so mine has cheese and spinach. Then there's the pretty standard cheese and sausage pizzas, which the rest of the kids devour like a school of piranhas.

Between my ladies, our girls, the women, and their kids, there was not a single scrap left of the dozen pizzas I brought home. I shudder to think how much they're gonna eat in their teens. Part of me really hopes they all get early admission to the Academy, because then somebody else will cook for them.

Except some tiny niggling part of me reminded me that right now, I was one of the people cooking for Cadets, and really enjoyed doing that part of the job enough that I might stick around helping out with that even once Marie was ready to go back to work full time.

Got the kids showered up and through the Bath, then down for a solid night's sleep. They'd more or less gotten used to us putting them in the middle, although they left a spot for Siobhan, and a wider spot next to that for Marie, even though Saffron had held me back from settling Siobhan in quite yet tonight.

I pulled her to me, kissed her, and whispered, "gotta go talk with Jack now."

A moment later she gently nudged me backward, my butt landing on the Bed when I stumbled. "No the fuck you will not, love." She pushed my knees together, spun around, and hopped up onto my lap, pinning my thighs together with her calves.

Right about then I realized that Marie had set Siobhan on the divan, then taken up residence in front of it, one arm around our Darling, one long claw tracing up her leg. "You okay, Siobhan?"

She sighed. "No. But right here, right now, the lovely visions before me are a welcome distraction."

I couldn't keep my frown off my face. "I don't want you to get all worked up if you're gonna wind up getting nauseous instead of satisfied, y'know?"

She smiled at me. At us. "Oh, it would take someone with skills far beyond Mortal ken to satisfy me without setting off my illness, I'm sure." At that point Marie managed to growl smugly, which made Siobhan giggle.

Saffron reached back and took my hands, pulling them around her and, incidentally, filling them with squish. "Are you fully satisfied that regarding the situation of our Wife and Darling, love?"

I felt a little guilty, both for paying attention to them with her in my lap and for, I dunno, not making sure Siobhan wasn't all pent up prior to this. "Sorry. Just... kinda guilty."

"Don't be. I find your concern adorable. Now. Fuzzy." I dropped my Blend. "Excellent. Can you see?" It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me as well as the other two; when I did I realized she was absolutely staring into my eyes in the mirror. I nodded, and she leaned her head back just a little and whispered, "I'm so forlorn." She waited half a breath, then followed that with, "so... empty." As I've said before, I can take a hint when it's welded to the front of a semi tractor and rammed into me at highway speeds. She reached down, adjusted things to her liking, then said, "excellent. Now. Have you been keeping up with your flexibility training?"

I shrugged, just a bit distracted. "Now and then. I partner up with Lachlan to show the Cadets how to do things. And, y'know, showing the stronger Cadets that being strong doesn't mean you have to be inflexible."

"Such a," she let out a contented little hum as my hands started moving more or less on their own. "dedicated teacher. I'm afraid I've not maintained my training nearly so well as you." She leaned back, wriggled her ass and back against me. "Correct that." I must have made confused Tabitha noises, because she giggled, pushed my thighs together with her calves again, then repeated, "Correct. That."

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I think she forgot I had tentacles, because the look of surprise when I used them to pull her arms behind her, between us, twisting her palms around to face me was just a precious study in comedic surprise. Nearly as good as the follow on look of ecstatic agony when I slid forward to perch right on the edge of the Bed, then crushed her calves against the foot of the Bed to either side of us. I mean, I don't think I actually damaged her calves. They're still thick muscle covered by squish, but Lachlan and I had kept up our flexibility training, whereas my Kitten had not. We spent a very enjoyable hour or two correcting that punctuated by a quiet shuddering whine from Siobhan.

"You okay?"

Siobhan didn't answer, just bit her lip, nodded, and then nodded off almost immediately. Marie put one long claw over her lip, and then the two of them disappeared. Saffron stretched her arms around behind my back, laced her fingers together, and pressed against me. "Thank you, love. It's been too long."

I snorted. "Like, what, a week?"

"Too long since I had you all to myself for an evening."

"Audience doesn't count?" I asked as I nuzzled her neck.

She shook her head. "Not our Wife. Not our Darling. No, they do not, for that."

"Kinda wish I didn't have to get down to Jackville, but I told them I'd be there tonight." She hummed, then hugged me tight. "One more for the road?"

She lifted her head enough to glare her demand at me in the mirror. "Only if you stop being gentle and considerate." At my raised eyebrows, she growled out, "I will be most disappointed if I can walk without aching tomorrow." Then she winked. "And yes, I mean Sunday."

A half hour later I lay her in bed with the rest of our sleeping family. Wrecked enough?

Mmm. I'll need you to carry me to work until Monday at least.

Don't you have to walk around the Grand Council chambers a lot?

Her snoring started as she drifted off, thinking to me. Watch me carefully then, and know that each and every limp and wince is a song of praise to you, love.

I kissed her forehead, sorted myself out, which included slipping The Dress and her boots on, because I wasn't up for pants at the moment, and stepped down to Johnny's place in Jackville. The moment I arrived, my nose filled with the incredible scent of gumbo. I felt at once humbled and justified that I could tell he'd started with the stew I left, and just by the smell alone I could tell he'd taken it to the next level or beyond that.

"Please tell me I can have some of that while we talk?"

Adrienne, who'd been sitting at the table my ladies and I ate at, jumped a little when I spoke. Jack, back in his Johnny persona, shifted and grinned at me. "Almost thought you weren't coming."

I grinned back at him, because I'd given all my fucks to Saffron earlier. "Yeah, did that earlier, but I told you guys I'd be down tonight, so here I am."

He chuckled, then glanced at Adrienne and sighed. "Been a long time. Sorry."

I gave him a little side eye about that, then glanced at Adrienne, who looked like the dim light of the shack wasn't really letting her see details too well. "You mean you two..." They both shook their heads. "Really? I mean, even with me letting you use my office?"

Adrienne whispered out, "not like there was a bed up there."

I snorted. "That's not really a deal break... Wait... are you telling me you've never?" She just looked at me, kinda appalled. "Okay, hey, up to you. You're waiting for Mister Right. Or Missus Right. Whatever, not my lookout, really. Not unless you've secretly started Worshipping at my Temple, in which case your Passion and Ecstasy are, apparently, my lookout, but then I think Jack might be a little jealous."

"More than a little," he muttered. Then he sighed. "Not that I should be."

I shook my head. "Okay, you two. First thing. Why not?"

I looked at Adrienne, who shook her head, shrugged, then nodded toward Jack. I turned to him, and he took a deep breath before speaking. "She's not my Jill."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, yeah, not to be an insensitive jerk, but sometimes it seems like my lot in life is to be the insensitive jerk who's too durable for people to shut me up, so yeah, she's not your dead wife. Nobody else is gonna be. Revive her or move on, it's not fair to Adrienne or anybody else to string her along like this."

From the moment I said 'dead wife', his head started shaking. "No. No, you don't understand. She's not 'not my dead wife'. She's... she's not my Jill. My..." He sighed, then looked at Adrienne. "You know there have been others, right?" Adrienne shrugged, then nodded. He looked back at me. "They've all been Jill. My Jill."

"What, like, reincarnated or something?"

He shook his head. "No. Well, not exactly." He went silent a moment, arguing with himself. I let him go until he looked up. "How much do you know about me?"

I shrugged. "A bunch of general shit, but not a whole lot of specifics. Like, you're Jack Frost, and the Jack-O-Lantern dullahan guy, and you killed a giant after growing a beanstalk, and you, um, jumped over a candlestick?"

He smiled and shook his head. "None of those are exactly wrong, although the candlestick one is," he shook his head. "Not really relevant for this. No, for this..." he trailed off. "Have you heard the tale of Stingy Jack?" I shook my head. "That's really the one that... Changed me. Although I didn't know it at the time. I made deals. I connived. I angered the Powers that Be in ways that they couldn't just obliterate me, but they couldn't tolerate me afterward." He stopped, sighed, looked around, then nodded. "I cannot move on. I am barred from the afterlife."

"Which one?"

"All of them."

That struck me as kind of odd. "Really? All of them?" He nodded. I thought about that for a bit. "Mind if I try something?" He shrugged, and I held out my hand. He took it, and I stepped us to M-Space. Okay, I tried to step us to M-Space. He moved about as well as the Dragon had. Or the Black Dragon, for that matter. I stepped back. "Holy crap. You just do not go to M-Space at all. Like, can you even go to Underhill?" He shook his head. "Even though... Wait, didn't you wind up Fae?"

He nodded. "That is part of my punishment. Being Fae without access to Underhill. Being Mortal without access to an Afterlife. Being Undead without being able to feed on the living. Being a God with no Patronage."

"The fuck? Just a second." Without thinking about it, I Co-Located myself to the Maw, where my faintly phosphorescent food ladies all drifted into the Maw. Very weird being here with me awake and them not. "Hey Saffron?"

She blinked, looked up at me, and soup poured from her mouth as she smiled and said, "yes, love?"

"Patronage is purely on behalf of the person declaring themselves for somebody else, right?"

"Yes, love."

I floated down, kissed her, filling myself with soup as I did. "Thanks, Kitten."

She laughed and dropped backwards into my Maw, splattering as she did. I collapsed back to the me in Jackville. "Yeah, no, um... Adrienne?"

"Yes?"

"Have you tried to make Jack your Patron?"

He started to say something, but I raised a hand, cutting him off. She looked at me and shook her head. "Of course not. Why would I?"

I blinked at that. "Who's your Patron then?"

"My Greatmother, The Morrigan, of course."

I shot her all the side eye, even if she couldn't see it. "You mean the bitch who killed your sister?"

"But..."

"The one currently dangling from my tentacle, turning into an ever wider tube?"

"I..." She shook her head, turned to Jack. "I suppose there's little still tying her to me. If you'll have me?"

I stepped between them. "Nope. Not his choice, oddly enough. Entirely yours. Do you want him as your Patron?"

She took a deep breath. "Yes."

"So, just to be sure nothing fucks it up, Deny The Morrigan." She nodded again, and I thought of something. "Do you want to do it to her face?"

"Ah, I don't think that will be needed. I hereby repudiate The Morrigan, she is my Patron no longer."

From behind me, Jack started to say something, and I cut him off. "Shut up, Jack. Now, do it."

"I hereby take Jack, guardian of Jackville, Nimble Jack, Husband Jack, Stingy Jack, Frosty Jack, as my Patron."

I felt something more subtle than air currents shift. "Mind if I Inspect you?" She shrugged, nodded, and I checked. Her Patron line just read 'Jack'.

Meanwhile, behind me, he gasped. "How... But..."

"Yeah, they might be able to change you so you can't get to M-Space, but they didn't change every other fucking person in the world so they can't take you as Patron. Or fuck, maybe they did, but new people are being born every day, and something tells me none of them really get genetics. So yeah. You, too, can have people taking you as Patron, Jack."

He slumped down. "That's.... that's worse. Don't you see how that's worse?"

"Not really?"

He growled out. "I'm responsible for them all now!"

I straight up laughed at him. "Really? That's your problem? Like you weren't defending this whole fuckin' town from any and all comers, including the Swamp Dragons who happen to crop up on the regular? Like you weren't already doing everything you could to make this place better?"

He frowned. "Not... not everything. But... I still can't get Glory. Can't be Worshipped." I turned to Adrienne, shot her a look, and she nodded. Knelt. A moment later Jack gasped. "What? How?" Then he looked past me and saw Adrienne. "Get up! Get up and off the floor and," he stepped past me, reaching down to lift Adrienne to her feet. It took him totally by surprise when her lips met his. He stumbled backward, staggered through the curtain door, and was gone, disappeared into the night.

I turned to Adrienne. "Been waiting to do that, huh?"

She frowned. "I've upset him. I... I should go after him."

I shrugged. "Up to you. You know him better than I do. Not as well," I smirked, "or as carnally as you'd like, I'm sure. You want me to come back tomorrow?"

She looked down at her hands. "Could... could you stay here and tell him I've gone looking for him if I do?"

I sighed. "Have you wandered around out there alone in the dark before?" She shook her head. "Yeah, not the best idea. Swamp Dragons, big fish, snakes, probably some other predators. Hell, even just mud and rocks and water can do you in if you're not careful, and, uh, you're Sidhe, right?" She nodded. "Yeah, you guys are a bitch to Revive, so I'd rather you stay here where it's safe."

"Can you find him?"

I sighed, pulled out a chair for her. "I don't know if I can find him. Not here, in Jackville, if he doesn't want to be found. But I'll go look, if you promise to stay here where it's safe. Where he'll eventually come back, to tend his gumbo pot if nothing else."

She chuckled. "I suppose he will."

"Tell him I'll be back tomorrow night if I don't find him today?" She nodded. "Okay then. I'll bring him back or let him know you're waiting for him if I find him. Otherwise, I'll see you here tomorrow night." She nodded, and I walked out through the beaded curtain.

I didn't find him. I did, however, step off the edge of a hidden dropoff, fall into the water, and get nommed by a big assed fish. Which I turned into fish sandwiches for everybody but Daya, so it wasn't a total loss.

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