Stena

Stena felt almost sick. She was exhausted in every possible way she could imagine - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually…all of it.

Her training had been going well, but it was doing so at the expense of her well-being. Talking with Vyne about her problems had turned out to be exactly what she needed. An outsider's perspective on everything had been helpful, and his advice had genuinely helped her start to unravel some of the mental knots she had been carrying for most of her young adult life.

Unfortunately, making those positive emotional strides was having the awkward side-effect of dismantling her mental fortitude. On days when she made the most progress she would go home emotionally exhausted to the point that she barely ate dinner or spent time with anyone because she simply didn't have the energy. She'd flop on her bed, get a nice visit from her mothers at some point, and then try to sleep.

Inevitably, she'd fail to sleep, get lost in her thoughts, and end up obsessing over something, or crying, or being anxious. It was rarely ever the same thoughts, but it was the same outcome - no sleep and a weakened mental state.

While those days had been more spread apart at first, they had started happening more often recently. Vyne had said she was probably nearing a breakthrough of some kind. When he had told her that, all she could muster was an unenthusiastic, "That's nice."

Then both her mothers had their dragonblood awakenings. The family had gotten excited, especially when everyone was told they had received special permission to remain at home to finish out their training, unlike Kord who had returned to visiting the Elders' compound regularly. Even if it was basically just to spar with Ray all day long.

Stena wasn't sure exactly why, or if it was even directly related, but two nights after her parents had finished their work with the dragonblood, Stena's nights got worse. She had a stretch of six sleepless nights hounded by various thoughts. The first night was a simple concoction of her inferiority complex and anxiety working together.

That, at least, she knew how to deal with. Not only had her inferiority been a constant companion for almost ten years, but her talking with Vyne had drawn out several useful techniques for dealing with those thoughts.

But the following nights were messier. She was assaulted from all sides with her worries about never being good enough, or of failure. Imagining her younger siblings catching up and passing her in skill and abilities. Worries about being unable to assist down the line when her family was called upon to fight against Aysol, assuming that happened in their lifetime. It didn't end.

Before, she had always managed to fight all of her spiraling thoughts back somehow. Usually, she attributed it to just her ability to shrug it off and compartmentalize during the day, which kept the thoughts at bay. Then, as long as she kept herself occupied until bed, she usually managed a few days without any intrusive thoughts coming for her so badly.

Something must have changed, though, because she found herself unable to shake them at all. She could still function during the days, but it was a close thing. She was tired, both physically and mentally, by the fourth day because she simply wasn't able to recharge during her 'resting' hours at all, because there wasn't any rest to be had. And by day six, she felt basically dead on her feet.

Both Emery and Avuri noticed her declining pretty quickly, and offered her support in every way they could, but that just made her feel worse. Whenever they gave her extra attention because of her own internal failures, it made her feel fragile and like she needed coddling because she was actually as bad as her thoughts made her out to be.

She knew all of that wasn't true, but her feelings were hardly logical. They just continued to beat her down, instead. She could also clearly see everyone taking part in the Elder training keeping an extra eye on here, Vale included. Vyne had even completely stopped the physical training entirely, in favor of trying to help her recover at least a little.

She appreciated that, but it wasn't exactly helpful. It's not like she could sleep in the Elders' compound during the day while she knew she should be training. As it was, she had already ended up with Vyne talking her through why they weren't doing the physical training because her mind had latched onto that as yet another weakness.

But she knew she was reaching a breaking point. When she failed to sleep again for that seventh night, mostly haunted by thoughts that talked down to her because she kept needing help from everyone around her for being so weak, she was basically catatonic the next day.

She had breakfast with the family, but by the time she had flown with everyone else to see the Elders, she barely remembered any of the morning. It was all a blur, and now she was slumped against the wall in the little quiet nook in the middle of the training area. Vyne was ostensibly reading a book at the table in the nook, but she had a feeling he was watching her.

Stena groaned as she shifted, trying to sit up a bit more straight. Look more alert, like she was actually a functioning human person.

"Stena, please sleep, if you can. It was alright that you were napping, truly." Vyne said, only glancing over at her. "Between you and me, we've been training so much for the last six months that I don't mind getting a chance to catch up on my reading." He said, affecting the lighter, more friendly tone he had taken up during their chats that he rarely used with others, as he lifted his book as if to say, "See?"

"Elder Vyne, I'm already -"

"Just Vyne, Stena."

Stena didn't even have the energy to roll her eyes or argue with the statement that she had heard so many times over the last several months. "Vyne, I'm already falling behind as it is. I can't afford -"

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"It's not a race." He said, interrupting her.

"I know it's not a race," Stena began again, "but that doesn't change that everyone else offered the Bond is out there, making progress and I'm in here…not."

"I told you months ago, Stena. Your progress is going to look different from theirs. Unlike them, you were basically ready for the Bond. Now, you are ready." He closed his book and put it down. "The only thing left for you is to solidify your resolve. Which I think you're actually quite close to doing."

"How do you figure?" Stena asked wearily. "I'm falling apart, not getting better."

"I'm not sure that's strictly true." Vyne said. "I've said it before, but I think you've made great strides toward working on yourself in the last several months. And now that you're trying to face yourself, you're tearing down walls that you had put up inside yourself, and all of the bile is spilling out at once, like lancing a wound."

"Thanks for that imagery."

Vyne smiled wryly. "I think you're nearer to a breakthrough than you realize, Stena."

"You've said that already."

"And I still believe it."

"Well, I'm glad one of us believes I'm getting somewhere, because from where I'm at, everything looks pretty bleak." Stena shot back. She could feel herself getting angry for no reason, but felt the need to hang on to that emotion just for the bit of energy that came with it.

"Would you like to talk about anything today? What kept you up last night, perhaps?" Vyne asked. Stena had to admit that his voice was soothing and he sounded genuine, not like he was trying to pry or do anything devious.

"Not particularly." She said, the anger she held onto turning into childish spite.

"Then, if you'd rather not talk, just relax. If you think of something you'd like to talk about, just say so. But I think you'd probably gain more with a nap."

Stena fought the urge to glare at Vyne, knowing he was only trying to help. And, more than that, she knew as well as anyone that she desperately needed sleep.

In her addled and dangerously worn down state, she didn't notice the calming lavender and jasmine scents that suddenly permeated the room, that ushered her quickly into sleep.

When Stena woke up later, she felt about as refreshed as she ever had. Her sleep had been untroubled, and she couldn't remember any dreams at all, just an all-consuming and pleasant blackness. It was some of the best sleep she could ever remember getting.

At some point, she had been moved. She was laying down on one of the benches near the side of the room that was a back up to accommodate large groups of visitors to the compound. Someone had put cushions down for her, and she was wrapped in a warm blanket that smelled pleasantly of flowers.

Vyne had barely moved from where she remembered him being - he sat in the same chair, reading quietly to himself, although it was a different book now.

Stena felt strange. She notably didn't feel groggy or even remotely bleary, which was unusual for her when waking up. Even more so, because after her struggle to sleep for days, she had expected that she would feel dreadful after she finally managed the feat.

Instead, she felt more pleasant, awake, and alert than she had in days. So much so that she idly wondered if she was dreaming of waking up feeling refreshed, instead of it being reality.

"Vyne? How long have I been asleep?" She asked. Despite feeling great, her voice was still scratchy after the nap.

Vyne never even looked up from his book. "A little over fourteen hours." He said, turning a page.

Stena blinked. "Fourteen hours?"

"Fourteen hours."

Stena sat up to look around. While the little nook that they had always used for lunches - where she had slept - was lit with Arrays, the entire training cavern outside was dark as pitch. No lights of any kind, and it didn't seem like anyone was still there.

"It's alright, Stena, they just went home. No one wanted to bother you since you were finally sleeping."

"Fourteen hours…" she muttered, doing the math in her head. It was hard to gauge what time it was in the caverns. "So, it's basically the middle of the night?"

"Yes." Vyne said. "Since you're up now, you're welcome to do whatever you would like. However, I do have a suggestion, if you'd like to hear it."

Stena tilted her head. "Sure, why not?"

"Assuming you feel well and aren't still tired, why not take one of the Cultivation rooms and go meditate? I find that doing so while refreshed from a long rest can be particularly productive."

Stena considered that. She really was feeling suspiciously good after her very-long-nap. And she didn't feel like keeping Vyne in this little nook all night, even if he was probably enjoying his reading time. Surely he'd rather read in his rooms or something.

"I'm actually feeling about as good as I ever have. Using a meditation room for the rest of the night sounds like a pleasant idea."

"Do you remember where they are, or would you like an escort?"

"If you could lead me, I'd be grateful. Especially in the dark, I'm not confident I'd make it there without getting lost."

"Very well."

As they both stood and moved to exit the little walled nook, Vyne slipped by her and she caught the scent of lavender and jasmine on him, which made her stop suddenly, recalling her moments just before falling asleep.

"Vyne," she spoke, stopping suddenly, "did you…do something to help me sleep?"

The Elder turned and gave her a smile that reminded her of a parent looking at their child. "I am sorry for doing so without asking, but yes. You needed the help, even though I'm sure you would have never accepted it."

Stena was about to argue, but managed to hold her tongue. He was right. If he had offered to help her sleep, she would have said no. But he was also right that she had desperately needed it. And whatever sleep his technique had given her had been the deep restful kind she needed, not the fitful, restless sleep she would have gotten normally.

She took a deep breath before speaking again. "You're right." She admitted, "On both counts. I guess I should thank you."

"No need." Vyne said, "You needed help and I gave it. While I do appreciate the thanks, I'm just glad you're feeling better. Now then, let's get moving, shall we?"

"Right." She said, then motioned them forward with a hand. At some point, she'd need to ask Vyne about the technique that he used to help her sleep, and if he'd be willing to teach it to her. It may not have a good combat application, but if it could guarantee good sleep, it'd be invaluable.

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