Duty, Empty Dreams and Trying Not to Become a Monster

Chapter 6 Part 5: Olesya's insecurity


Loud yells from the other side of the gorge interrupted Aranea's thoughts. The voice undeniably belonged to Olesya, as she berated someone loudly to the point of shrieking. Curious, the wolf hag motioned for Sonya to take charge and headed toward the parallel training course.

Olesya stood before a group of five Wolfkins, roaring loudly into the snout of the one closest to her. Similar to Aranea, she also wore casual clothes, yet her form swelled with new mass and muscles. She had been fighting domination matches the entire time that Aranea and her pack were imprisoned and recovering. Even the dent left by Chort, marring her pretty skull, had shrunk to a barely visible spot.

"Cretins!" Olesya sucked in air through her closed fangs. "How often must I repeat the same to you? Mines must be hidden! Traps could be placed in the path of your advance… You! I entrusted you with leadership, and this is how you repay me?"

She loomed over the largest Wolfkin, a male covered from head to toe in blue paint, while the rest of his group had no markings on their gear or hides. Two more were warriors, and the last two were males. Aranea had always suspected that, although Olesya's devotion to the Spirits was never in question, she viewed traditions as a hindrance.

Today she proved it. A male in charge. Insane.

"Apologies, Wolf Hag," the man said without backing down. "I take full responsibility for damaging the equipment and failing to spot the ambush along the course…"

"You better!" Olesya snarled, holding a broken weapon in her shaking paw. "I train and train you, and we have nothing but this to show for all our efforts? Why did you use yourself as a shield, wretched fool?!"

"To save my comrades…"

"Poop for brains! It is training! Not actual combat!" Olesya's voice kept rising. Rage boiled inside her, demanding an outlet. "And now I'll have to grovel, explaining why we broke this stupid tool and look like a fool to everyone once more. All because you can't trust your damn nose. Well, if you don't want to use it, then maybe you don't need it."

Aranea tensed at these words. They weren't spoken in the heat of the moment or born out of frustration. They didn't sound like her friend's usual boasting or banter meant to get under your skin. No, they were cold and deliberate, ushered in with the manner Siri and Sonya used to say before meting out brutal punishments.

The shadows of Olesya's claws cast long lines on the nervously gulping male as he stood unmoving, accepting the decision of his leader. His appearance had brought Aranea back to that night, when Kate had saved Kaleb from earning scars, while she did nothing. The paw swung, ready to lacerate. Aranea jumped and caught her friend by the wrist before bloody pieces of hide could dangle from the soldier's snout.

"The hell are you up to?!" she growled into the wide-eyed Olesya's face. "Have you forgotten how Siri treated us? Did you enjoy any of that? Is that a sick joke to you…"

"Get lost, Ari." Olesya yanked her arm free, taking a few steps to make distance. "If my previous way was so great, how come Siri and the rest died under my leadership? No, I reassessed my approach. Toughness and traditions are required in training to ensure survival. They were implemented for a reason."

"You blasted idiot!" The half-breed forced herself to stay calm and avoid punching her delusional buddy. Her words infuriated Aranea. "Reason? What reason could there be to maim your subordinates? You told me you want to have cubs one day and that you intend to keep them out of the pits. The pits exist because of the traditions. They are nothing more than outdated cruelty. What, when you become a warlord, do you still intend to bend over for these mindless rituals of perpetual violence? You're better than that!"

"Cubs, huh…" Olesya laughed, throwing her head back. "Oh, Ari, you still don't get it, do you? It was nothing but an empty goal. An unreachable desire. I mean, our fates are clear. None of us are going to be around long enough to raise our offspring. We fight, we die, and that's all there is. No way in the Abyss am I going to bring my cubs into this cruel existence and repeat the same mistake of hoping for better than my parents did. As for becoming a warlord… Ari, you saw how strong Janine is. How can you believe any of us is capable of reaching that level? Hundreds have tried and failed; what makes us special? No, I see it all clearly now. I will endeavor to do everything I can to keep my pack safe. A handful of scars is a trivial price to pay to give them knowledge and a chance at survival."

"What happened to you? Why did you change?" Aranea demanded. "You were never so hollow before."

"Siri died. I let my friends and soldiers die on my watch. I feel like I'm losing to you." Olesya shrugged. "Stuff happened in short. And I refuse to lose to you ever again or let my pack be anything but the best. Step aside; I have lessons to teach."

"The only one who's going to get schooled here is you." Aranea assumed a relaxed posture, letting her arms hang loosely. "If words can't get through your thick skull, I'll snap you out of your doom and gloom mood through action. The sparring session is on, Olesya."

"Then you better assume a stance. Cause…" Olesya bent her knees, putting both paws before herself.

Aranea lunged at her opponent without bothering to protect herself or wait for Olesya to finish. Olesya jabbed with a closed fist, intending to strike the exposed jaw and knock out the wolf hag in a single blow, but Aranea stopped just outside of range, tilting her head to let the fist pass her, grazing her chin. She counterattacked with her right paw, drawing blood from a strip of skin above Olesya's right eye.

Score! Her friend was always stronger and faster than her, both thanks to grueling trainings and her power. But there was a reason why the two had been tied up for so long. Aranea's crimson eye could perceive the slightest changes in the movements, letting her dodge Olesya's swiftest blows. After Ravager had forcibly unsealed her power, the crimson eye became even more potent. Though it remained of no use against an opponent as fast as Chort, it became an efficient tool to compensate for the current differences in speed and strength by giving Aranea the necessary information to react.

Olesya swiped with her left, and once more her claws barely touched Aranea's hair on her shoulder, while the return slice left a similar red mark above Olesya's left mark. But this time, she was ready. As the cut landed, she elbowed into Aranea's neck. The wolf hag never tried to evade or block the inevitable slam and went limp, enduring the impact that shoved her off her feet. Exposing the leaning in Olesya's torso in the process. A single kick penetrated the hide of her friend, denting in flesh, and it came out with a small fountain of blood when Aranea springboarded off the fellow wolf hag. She somersaulted to the opposite end of the gorge, landing on her feet and prepared to repel the onslaught. But Olesya didn't pursue her, becoming careful.

"Stances are good. But when you have speed," Aranea grinned, ducking low, "you can end a fight before your opponent can land a proper hit!"

She flew faster than a fired bullet, more destructive than a shell, stabbing with both paws at the exposed knees. Avoid damaging tendons. First I…

Agony interrupted her planning as Olesya stopped her momentum dead by relying on her longer reach and grabbed Aranea by the shoulders, sinking her claws deeper and deeper, sending trickles of blood running down her body.

"Observe. If you are arrogant and use no stances…" The blood from the cuts above Olesya's eyes gave her the appearance of a weeping maiden, contrasting with her cruel tearing into the flesh. "You become predictable in your maneuvers. Speed can only carry you so far, and if your prey is stronger, more durable, and has a couple of brain cells, she can do that!"

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With her claws still plunged in Aranea's shoulders, Olesya lifted the wolf hag off her feet and slammed her into the rocks behind herself with full force. Aranea gasped, coughing up blood as the impact beat the air out of her lungs, and kicked, only for it to land at Olesya's paw. No choice. Aranea raised her hands for a block, weathering the rainfall of incoming blows, which bruised her forearms and limbs and slammed her further against the stone. In close quarters, pinned to the surface and facing superior physical force, there should be no way out. It would've been wiser to embrace defeat and end the beating sooner.

And yet humans were not machines. Olesya's style was hindered by her flaws. She became impatient and often assumed much. When the paw opened, releasing claws again, Aranea used this irritation and desire for a swift victory and dodged to the side, hearing the claws wedge in up to the fingers into the rock and become stuck. Aranea slapped palms into Olesya's ears, took hold of her head, and then headbutted her and forced her to step back, blinking away pain and blood.

Not offering her a chance to recover, Aranea attacked her, racing past the wolf hag as the murkiness in her eyes finally caught up to her and the incoming swing went too high. Aranea's own slash drew a long line on Olesya's right side.

"Face it, Oles, you're an open book to me…" Aranea's smug talk ended with a slash appearing on her shoulder when she turned around. Without facing her, Olesya backfilled, slashing with her leg.

She landed on her right paw, bounced off the surface, and resumed a standing position, ready to fight and opening her jaws full of fangs. Aranea felt rage and hatred rising inside of her. Just for how long does this stubborn cusack intend to keep this brawl going on? She would prove to her once and for all who the best fighter was, right now, right here.

She wanted total domination.

"Read me? Don't kid yourself, Ari. You are a speed enjoyer, aren't ya? Try to gauge this, then." Olesya smiled through the blood covering her eyes, crouched down, and spread her arms wide, releasing her claws. Veins bulged on her legs, arms and entwined her neck. A low growl came from deep within her throat as she charged forward.

Aranea moved at the same moment. They both had splintered ground under their feet as they pushed themselves to the limit, turning into small clouds of slashes. And both aimed their strikes at the throat, no longer holding back.

What am I doing? In a mix of horror, excitement, and bloodlust, Aranea realized she wanted more than to see Olesya lose. She desired to break her, to cripple or even kill to attain… No.

If not for the sessions with Philip, she might've lost control. She shifted her strike, avoiding the carotid artery, and stabbed the chest, scraping at the bone, then pulled out her blow so as not to break anything. They both crashed into one another; Olesya's forehead struck Aranea's, but not with full force. Their eyes mirrored the same sudden fear of understanding the danger of giving in to their desire, and Olesya retracted her claws, never landing the intended hit to the exposed neck nor scratching Aranea.

"I…" Olesya stretched out her arms, ignoring the bleeding wound in her chest. "I give up. Don't know where this aggression came from. Shit, I was ready to… This is no longer a game."

"Just what is wrong with…" Aranea wanted to say 'us' but instead asked, "You? You never acted so bluntly or cruel. Abyss, you were my idol, the first person I looked up to in the Tribe."

Olesya leaned on a boulder, breathing hard, and motioned to the Wolfkins, telling them to get out and that there would be no punishment.

"I…" Olesya licked her lips, finding words as they were left alone. "I feel humiliated. Inadequate. I was always running ahead or near you, never falling to keep up. So how come I'm so far behind you now? Sonya is alive, while Siri's dead. Why do you have new, better armor and weapons when I still use my old gear? In our first action mission, I was knocked out and lay useless."

"You weren't useless," Aranea said. "You rescued me from that tin can and helped me stay in one piece. Cared for and helped the little ones far better than I ever could. That is not meaningless. Not nothing."

Olesya shook with shame, forcing herself to speak further. "The shaman and the wyrm spawn both bare their necks to you. If the rumors are true, Ravager may have taken an interest in your duel with Sonya and bestowed her blessing upon you! What have I achieved in the meantime? I know you've suffered so much, I'm aware of how much you've lost, and yet… I'm envious, so jealous."

"Jealous?" Aranea could not believe her ears. Envious? Was she serious? Hatred, pure and directed at Olesya, rose inside of her. She came closer and punched the stone near her friend's snout, shaking with rage. It was all the restraint she could muster to avoid hurting her. "Envious? Of what? Of how I let Kostya down? How I lost Yuki? Or are you envious about the loss of every soldier, civilian, and ally who perished because of my immature leadership?!" Olesya tried to speak, but Aranea yelled into her snout. "My original pack are all scattered, like petals on the wind! The scheming wyrms pried open my conscience, using me as I was near death! And before… There was another instance of my will being violated, and look how I changed. There's nothing to long for here. How can you… How can an amazing person such as you think you are losing to a wreck like me?"

They exhaled and stood silent, calming themselves, and then attended to their wounds.

"I won. Don't you dare lay a paw on your pack ever again. Right before she died, Siri told me she was proud of you. Of all her troops. Be a person worthy of her legacy. Surpass her in your own way. Don't become a bargain-bin copy of Siri," the half-breed said in the end, ignoring Olesya's embarrassed expression. Her friend looked at her, opening her mouth as if to ask a question. But Aranea didn't trust herself to rein in her violent urges and turned around, marching away.

****

"Take it off! Take it off!" Leila shouted in panic, making Aranea smile furtively against her will.

She, Leila, and Tiny were in her private room, used to contact Kate at night. Two days had passed since the brawl with Olesya, and reports came of Valerye's further delay. Chort had ambushed several convoys, appearing alongside crowds of greenies, and Foulsnout was busy pursuing him. Praise the Spirits, the mercenary ignored civilians, remaining content with destroying their vehicles and trade goods.

Even if he did so to burden the state, Aranea was still glad people were surviving and coming home in one piece.

Leila and Tiny took their promotions seriously and kept spending days drilling their troops. Of course, nothing happened without an occasional hiccup or several, but Sonya was relieved of a massive load and used it to bring her unit to excellence and resumed reading. Aranea had spent the first day observing Leila, worried that she might abuse her power. So far, everything was in order, not counting the energy beams spearing the training arena to the grumbling of the shaman.

Today, a minor problem occurred. Kate was briefing her about the peculiarities of Warlord Valerye when the half-wyrm knocked on the door, explaining that she felt something crawling on her back. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a spine mite. The insect's sand-colored body, swollen with consumed blood, barely fit between the scales. Leila kept freaking out about the insignificant parasite, while Aranea called Tiny and asked her to bring a medical kit.

"Stop thrashing; you'll burst it by accident and might end up damaging your spinal column with its beak remaining inside," the wolf hag joked. Leila froze in place with horror in her eyes.

"Ari, shut up, you're scaring her on purpose," Kate's voice said from inside the helmet. She used the lenses to watch the debacle. "Wyrm spawn, don't listen to her; it's no biggie. I once fell in a hole and had over fifty of the critters clinging to me."

"And you were fine afterwards?" Leila whispered.

Tiny entered, closing the door. Aranea took the bag and cleaned the space around the parasite, spreading the scales with her fingers.

"Well, 'fine' is not exactly the right term; I'd rather say 'survived'… But as you can see, there were no lasting side effects."

"I'm even more terrified after hearing you mention 'survival' in your story," Leila admitted.

"Tiny, come closer. I don't know if the shamans showed you it, so observe," Aranea commanded, explaining how to extract the insect safely. "The spine mite is currently stuck in the body's tissues. If you rip it away, its sturdy beak will be left inside, causing infection. To avoid cutting it out, take a lighter, press it to the mite's back, and heat it up. Don't worry about it exploding or dying; they are heat resistant, but not immune, and… here it comes."

She caught the thing as it burrowed out and demonstrated to everyone the round, jerking orb. Leila snatched it from her paw, crushing it in her paw with a mix of disgust and hatred on her face.

"Seriously, you want to tell me you've never had one of those on your body before?" Kate asked in disbelief. "There's nothing to worry about; you can go on for days before you even notice one, as they release soft painkillers to mimic their presence."

"Days! I'll never, ever set foot outside without wearing full body armor!" Leila tried to stay calm, but her arms clenched and her wings flapped, moving the bed. Aranea disinfected the wound and placed a patch over it. "It's disgusting. I'm sending my troops up for an inspection tomorrow morning, no right…"

"There's another one under your shoulder blade." Tiny pointed out, and Leila roared in blind rage, shaking a glass with her voice.

Aranea chuckled, watching Tiny taking care of the second one. A knock on the door distracted the trio. She opened the door to find Scarred One standing there. The shaman rubbed her ears and cracked her neck.

"Practicing one's howl is a commendable initiative, worthy of our sister. It will be my pleasure to assist in finding her voice. But not during the rest. Tell her to be quiet, or I'll shut her up myself. Have wise dreams, wolf hag." She bowed and left.

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