How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire

40: Dinner Interrupted


Varis stared at me for a long moment. Her hand tensed and then went loose a few times on the flatware she held. It didn't quite look like the stuff we had on Earth, but it was pretty clear what it was meant for.

My grandma would've called it the silverware, but I didn't think there was any silver in this stuff.

Her hands went pale as she gripped it tight, and then went blue again as she loosened it. Finally she took in a deep breath and let it out long and slow. Like she was trying to keep control of herself.

Finally she reached out and took one of the grapes. She put it in her mouth and bit down. Then she chewed it for a moment like she was trying to get a feel for it. Finally she spit it out on her plate.

"We definitely need to work on that if we're going to bring in Terran cuisine," she said.

"Or you could just bring in some livisk stuff," I said, looking down at the hunk of spiced meat I'd been enjoying with something that looked like the inbred cousin of a spork.

The utensils rattled across the table. I looked up to see her glaring at me with her hand on the table where she'd slammed it down. That fire was back in her eyes. A couple of the pieces of flatware that looked almost like earth stuff, but not quite, fell to the ground.

"You dare insult me," she said, her voice flat.

"I don't dare insult you," I said. "I'm just calling it like it is. I get the feeling you don't get a lot of that in your culture. But if you think I'm going to kneel before you, General, you've got another think coming."

"I almost wish you didn't decide to join me for a meal," she said, grinding her teeth.

"You know I had no choice, right?" I asked, letting my frustration show through. "I know you like to pretend this is fine dining between friends, but I'm your captive here."

"You are singularly infuriating," she said. "I think that's what I like the most about you."

I stopped in the process of bringing the not-spork up to my mouth to take a bite of something that looked like it was more vegetable than meat. I really wanted to take a bite, but the contradiction that was Varis was distracting me.

Also? I wanted to distract her right back. Because yet another tray of something that looked like livisk cuisine had come to rest on the table just a little bit away from me. I was starting to understand why she was using the big table. And on that tray was something that looked familiar to me, for all that it was clearly a livisk design.

It couldn't be. Not with the way Arvie went on about not allowing me access to anything that could be used as a weapon. See the glorified spork I was using to eat right now.

"What you like about me? Why, General. You're going to make a fella blush talking like that," I said. Then I jabbed my spork at her, causing the bit of maybe-meat to go flying across the table and land against the wall behind us. "But don't think for a moment that I'm going to willingly become your human pleasure pal or anything like that."

She blinked. Her eyes darted to where the hunk of maybe-meat was sliding down the wall, then back to me.

"What are you talking about?"

I waved my not-a-spork in her face. Which had her going cross eyed as she looked at the thing. She brought her hand up like she was going to block an attack, then seemed to think better of it.

Which was fine with me. I was on a roll.

"Don't play stupid with me. I know full well what you livisk do with the humans you capture. Isn't that what happened to the members of my crew you didn't need for intelligence gathering purposes? Which is most of them, because there wasn't anyone on that ship who was worth keeping for intel purposes."

Technically Olsen would probably be good for a ransom. Maybe. I wasn't entirely sure how fond his dad was of the asshole. It was possible the CEO would figure he was well rid of one of many kids he'd have to include in his eventual inheritance.

Especially since Olsen seemed like a real pain in the ass even by nepo baby standards, which was saying something.

"Maybe some of the guys on the ship would be fine with death by snu snu, but it's not exactly my idea of a good time."

Okay, so maybe that was my idea of a good way to go out, but I wasn't letting on to her. Also? I kept waving the spork in her face as my other hand grasped that thing that definitely shouldn't be on the table.

I held my breath, wondering if Arvie would pick up on what I was doing and put a stop to it. But he didn't.

Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.

"Again, you're using idiomatic language from your culture that I'm not entirely certain of," she said, obviously rolling the words around. "But… death by snu snu?"

"Never mind," I muttered, slipping the small plasma knife that'd been included on the latest tray in the band of my pants for later.

I almost wondered if Arvie had done that on purpose. Was he trying to help me out? Was he trying to get me to assassinate his boss? Was he doing this because he thought there really should be a little knife play at a good dinner? Had he seriously missed that?

"The point is, my spirit isn't willing, and I have no intention of my body going all weak and spongey."

"I don't know what happened to your crew," Varis said. "They were taken out of my hands the moment we returned to Livisqa."

"Bullshit," I said.

"Bullshit?" she said. "I remember this one from before, but…"

"Arvie showed me where they were," I said. "He highlighted what looked like a reclamation mine on the other side of town."

"Arvie?" she asked, frowning.

"He is speaking of me, General," Arvie said.

"Ah. Arvie," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "I have to say, I rather like that name."

"Again. I do not like where this is going," Arvie said.

"How did you know where the crew wound up?" she asked.

"I was able to extrapolate it from publicly available information on the net and tracking sales. The empress took them into custody and then promptly sold them to a reclamation mine owner."

Varis let loose with what could've been a Masters level introduction to swearing in a Livisk language course back at the Academy. Then she took a deep breath.

"I apologize," she said. "The empress took all but you. I… went to considerable difficulties to keep you with me."

"Why me?" I asked.

"You know why," she said.

I felt something coming through that bond. Maybe it was regret. Mixed with a little bit of anger. It was fascinating having a conversation with somebody while I could sort of feel their emotions, for all they were alien emotions and I wasn't sure I was feeling the right thing.

Still. I had to be sure. I stood, towering over her.

"You lie," I growled.

She looked up at me and seemed surprised. Then she was standing and staring at me as well. She didn't quite come up to my height, but it was a close thing.

"How dare you accuse me of lying," she said.

She stepped closer to me. I realized I'd stepped closer to her. Okay. I guess we were doing this.

Also? Standing this close to her I was painfully aware of everything. Of the way that sparkling purple dress clung to her. The pleasant slightly spicy scent that came off of her. The way her chest rose and fell in a dress low cut enough to really show off…

Well, everything.

It was a distraction I didn't need right now. Not when I was trying to hold onto my rage and forget about how beautiful she was. Or the way I felt her own attraction to me. The way that attraction bounced between the two of us.

"You knew exactly where they were going," I growled, grabbing the white hot anger at my core and holding onto that. That was real. That wasn't the desire bouncing between our minds. "You know what happens to humans who are taken captive. Maybe I was one of the lucky ones, but that doesn't mean you didn't know what was happening to the rest of them."

Her chest rose and fell as she stared at me. I wondered if that was because she was annoyed with me, or if it was because she was getting ready to attack me. Either way, that dress was low cut enough that it was one sequel trilogy of a distraction seeing her chest rising and falling like that.

She let out a growl and punched. I blocked it easily enough. I really had been spending a lot of the past year brushing up on any combat training I could get on Early Warning 72.

She let loose with a few more punches and I backed away. A couple I was able to dodge. Some of them I blocked. One managed to get through, but she only hit my shoulder.

Then I went on the attack, pushing her back across the room towards the massive windows that looked out over Imperial Seat.

"Excuse me, General, but would you like me to bring in a peacekeeping drone?" Arvie asked.

"Stay out of this, computer," Varis growled, grinning as I spun around and hit her in the gut with a side kick. That had her hitting the window, though of course it didn't crack.

I didn't think I'd be that lucky. There was probably some special material that would keep that from breaking open for anything short of a nuclear blast hitting directly outside this tower.

I'd read up on what little the intel pukes could discover about the various livisk civil wars. At least the ones we knew about. They could get really nasty really fast. Especially in a civilization with radiation scrubbers that didn't have quite as many taboos about using nukes.

I ran at her, thinking maybe I wasn't going to need the plasma knife after all. Plus the idea of using something as simple as a plasma knife that was meant to make cutting food a little easier as a weapon was ridiculous.

But I was a prisoner, and humanity had a long tradition of makeshift weapons created out of far more ridiculous things than a food utensil.

Only she grabbed my arm at the last moment and spun me around so my back was pressed against the window instead. It curved around us, so I could see Imperial Seat laid out all around me. See the twinkle of buildings off in the distance. See the lines of traffic moving through the air in well regulated lines that would keep the vehicles from slamming into each other.

I stared at her, my own chest rising and falling. There was conflict on her face for a moment, and then it disappeared into a smile. A smile that looked a whole sequel trilogy of a lot less intimidating than the one she hit me with while we were sparring.

And as I was pressed against her I was overwhelmed by everything. The feeling of having her in my head for a year. The overwhelming way I was drawn to her when I saw her. The feel and smell of her right there. The stirring down below.

The way that mental link showed me the desire coursing through her even as it was moving through me. The way that desire bounced between us and seemed to intensify as it echoed between our minds.

We were walking the razor's edge between anger and lust. I hesitated to call it hate and lust. No, this was more complicated than that. This was…

"Fuck it," I whispered.

I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. Her eyes went wide, for all that I could feel through the link that this was something she very much wanted. Something she very much enjoyed.

Then her hands let go of me and pushed to either side of the window as we closed our eyes and I lost myself in the feel of her pressed against me. The feel of our lips pressing together. The feel of her mouth opening to mine.

The feel of her overwhelming me as that echoing desire consumed both of us.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.


Use arrow keys (or A / D) to PREV/NEXT chapter