"How's everyone at the Feast?"

"All Fools were present and unharmed! Phase one had been wildly successful! And now, Ted Weems and The Man from the South!"

The Radio started blaring a song I rather liked, one I'd heard before when the Radio was excited about this or that. Silly, fast and fun, with dumb jokes in the middle.

"I'm glad you're here, Radio."

"I've waited so long."

"I know. We're doing it. Can you tell me about the elevator?"

"Enter the following code: A4QX9."

"How? Oh wait, there's a panel…who makes things in such a dumb way? Art would never… And there we are, thanks, man. How's Taylor?"

"Merciless!"

"I want him to find her before anyone else, can you please guide him?" The Radio joined me on the cargo elevator, popping from the metal wall. "Radio, how far along are we?"

"Phase two is .04% complete, centered on this location! The Feast is here. We have contact with the Feast of Fools."

"I want to talk to Schmendrick."

"Owen knew Schmendrick was in her wire cage, roughly half a mile from his current location and up three levels. She was able to hear him, if he spoke."

"Sweetie," I said carefully. "Sweetie do you know me?"

Hissing breath through small nostrils. "Rrr," she said.

"It's Owen. Tall smelly Human? We're here. All of us, we love you so much, Schmendrick."

The Radio had said point-oh-four percent. "Had she entered the area of effect yet?"

"Yes, but it's possible regaining one's soul isn't instantaneous."

"Can you remind Taylor to not destroy the building she's in? Actually, let me talk to him, please."

"On the air."

"Heyyyy," Taylor said gleefully. "How's it goin, bro?" I heard booms, thuds and screams. "I don't need the helmet! Their guns don't work!" He chortled, an odd sound from a school bully. Reformed, I suppose.

The Radio narrated: "Taylor, using his skills from Schmendrick's Monster School, had poured out the contents of his heavy bag, and now was being orbited by small, perfectly round stones the size of cannon shot. At his command, the stones would tear through buildings, knocking them down, sending the Humans running in TERROR!"

I snorted. "Glad you came?"

"SHIT yeah!"

"I'm glad too. Did the Radio fill you in on where she is?"

"Almost there! Oh, what's THIS?" And he laughed, a sound that would have frightened children. "A tank! This is what I'm talking about, finally someone with some … BALLS!"

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"Taylor used his power to send the round stones to pulverize the hapless armored vehicle." Sounds of crunching metal, screams of fear. Laughter from Taylor. "Taylor was clearly enjoying his clever wordplay," the Radio said tolerantly. "In other news, we interrupt this broadcast to welcome guest announcer, the newly-re-souled Schmendrick de los Cazadores!"

"Radio," Schmendrick's voice. "Owen. Where is this place? This is a Human place. I hate it."

"And there she is!" cried Taylor and I in unison.

"I remember?" She said. "I remember. I remember."

"We're on our way to you, Sweetie, hang in there."

"I rrrreeee…memmm-berrrr." The words weren't pronounced correctly. There was a lot of snarling, a lot of monster in them.

"The wires of the cage began glowing–" said the Radio.

A distant boom. Screams. I could hear it all with my own ears, here in the metal box of the elevator.

"Schmendrick de los Cazadores had left her cage," the Radio said.

"Owen, she's out!" It was Cassie. "I need to see her, I need to bring her family to her!"

"Do as you see fit, firearms are disabled. Radio, what's the percentage on Phase two?"

"Ten percent, well within safety parameters."

"Put on a show, Cassiedor."

I'd never seen Cassie actually go through a full shape change, and I still hadn't. But I heard it. She hissed like a lizard, roared and growled, sounding like an entire nightmare zoo.

"The Power known as Cassiedor was in transit!" The Radio said with satisfaction. "Doctor Jeffrey Harrigan was attempting to contact anyone from the Feast of Fools."

"I warned you," he said coldly. "I warned you about whatever you're doing. How many will die because you couldn't just help me save Humanity?"

"What do you think I'm doing, Doctor?"

"The Tech team says you've arranged a four-dimensional incursion, and it's localized to this location. So all your little Magic tricks work." He couldn't keep himself from his own curiosity: "Right?"

"Nope."

He thought. He was calming down, the intellectual puzzle of it all more interesting than his employer's distress. "You're simulating a change in the laws of physics. It's a trick, and we're being deceived…somehow."

"Wrong again."

The Radio chimed in. "Seventy-eight percent. Exponential growth for Phase Two. Three minutes remain."

"Did you hear that, Doctor?"

"I don't understand." He was so very calm. "But don't tell me, I can figure it out."

The elevator door opened onto a much more finished-looking, opulent part of Patriot Capital Villain Complex for Jerks. Potted plants, clearly artificial. Huge wall screens, none of them showing any security video, just fields of wheat and aerial footage of forests. Leather couches, glass coffee tables. A tinkling fountain in the center of the room.

A little bar, one almost hiding a young lady in office formal, clearly the terrified bartender.

"Hello," I said. "I'd like to talk to the bosses, please."

She peered at me over the bar, pointed to the end of the room.

"Any security people?"

She nodded, vanished behind the bar. I thanked her and continued.

"I got it!" Harrigan said triumphantly. "You haven't intruded into Earth's four-dimensional slice. You've pulled the building through the slice and we're all in YOUR world right now! Like the Taco Bell!"

"Pretty sharp. You really should have been rich, Doctor."

"I know. What's this phase two thing, with the percentage?"

"Radio?"

"Phase two was now one hundred percent complete."

"You heard my pal, Doctor. One hundred percent."

"I don't understand," he said. But maybe he did, because he sounded frightened. "One hundred percent?"

"Of the Earth's surface."

"What? I'm…I'm old, Owen, explain it to me."

"We pulled the entire surface area of the Earth through the slice. It lives here now, permanently. So do you. Welcome."

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