The body that Michelle had worn was a mess of twisted coat hangers and runes in a vaguely Human shape. It was stretched out on the bar.

"What happened to your arm?" Lir asked, sniffing at the bandages.

"Scared Bark Wasps digging into the Winnie. Found a new spot for them."

"Good lad. You like Winnie work?"

"I love it."

"And you got turned down by Todd's Winnie, even though it was sending right to you."

"Well don't be mean or anything."

"Pet me till you feel better."

So I did. And it helped. Lir was all muscle and delicate bone. His fur was soft and short. He purred.

"Adaobi taught me stuff. I was able to talk to those wasps even as they were trying to kill me. Taking Inventory, she called it. Better than mind reading, more useful."

"Practice on me, then."

His mind was basically mine, but with a lot of sensory changes. How huge the world of Humans was. How tall and gangly and smelly this other Owen was. Did he have no idea that he looked this way? Did he know that Adaobi and Lux were fond of him, spoke highly of him? Did this Human know that he and his two friends were now my guys? I look out for my guys, went Lir the Cazador.

I poked around in his memory. He'd been me, once. He'd been in a cell. He escaped. He'd gone down a river holding on to a fallen tree, ended up here. Pursued by our common foes. Gone into a tank, switched bodies.

"What happened to the original Owen body you'd showed up in?"

An image, clear and cold. Regret. The empty body of Owen Walsh, floating in a tank. Dissolving into green flame. The flame, said his memory, is apparently the mark of one President Jeffrey Harrigan, and his creations died that way.

"Why the switch?"

"Once I knew what was happening the whole thing felt hinky. We all have theories, and here's mine: there was a bomb in that body. A secret virus or undetectable Rune. It would go off if I met the Feast of Fools guy."

"Ohhh." Because why else turn a bunch of us loose on the world? Meaning well, looking for help? Why else? "We met Schmendrick out there. She said I might be a tricky trap. Wouldn't take us with her."

Lir nodded his long head. "She's a smart cookie. I think we're dangerous and we don't realize it. I'm sure she helped you in other ways."

"Fought with helicopters until we floated down the river."

"GOD that's hot."

I laughed. "She's married with kids, right?"

"That's hot also! So very! I dug around in your head too, dude. You know what I didn't find? The Quest for Booty. What happened?"

I remembered holding Hazel's plump hand. Then the lizardy talon of the gloating Dr. Michelle.

"Oh," he said, picking it up. "Hard to get over that one. You don't even perv on your friends here, Ms. Adaobi and Ms. Lux. So much guilt."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I shrugged. The cold hand in mine. Michelle's grin. Blindness. That cold hand. I rubbed my fingers and thumb together, trying to wipe away the sensation. "Does it bug you that I'm in there with you?"

"Not at all. How about you?"

"Nope. Let's share a brain cell, then."

"Done." I raised a fist, he bumped it with his skull.

"I want to track this." I jiggled the wire sculpture that had been Dr. Michelle's temporary body. "I want to find her. It's part of what I want to do. What do you think?"

He shrugged his narrow chicken shoulders. The gesture didn't work well, but I knew what he meant. "Try it. Each of us is different with different specialties. And like it or not, you have her as someone in your life. Pretty solidly, in fact. I bet it makes it easier."

I didn't know where to start, so I just grabbed the central mass of wires. Feeling for traces of my wonderful companion, Doctor Michelle, my boon pal who wanted to torture me and Lux for the amusement of Real Human Patriots.

I wasn't getting anything. It was frustrating. "How does Magic work, anyway? I read Schmendrick's book, all the way through, and all I'm really sure about is that she loves me and wants to help me."

His soul and mine started dripping together, melting, merging. It was easy. Felt natural. "Imagine you're a pack hunter with sniffy shnoz like mine," He said. "Because now you are. Does it help?"

"I…Yes. It does." Because there: a trace of Michelle here on the armature thing, the mass of wires. A scrap of her soul, or a footprint. "There, feel it?"

"I smell it. Try localizing into your nose. Pretend it's a smell, makes it easier on my end to help out."

Okay, so it was a smell. This was all organization of information, right? And weren't Lir and I just messes of information at the moment? Two surly personalities shuttling around a framework of sensory data and memory? Sure. Just a smell.

"Molly used to sniff like this," I said.

"I miss her still."

"Me too. She'd have helped us. Let's achieve our evil wicked goals in the name of our beloved dog."

A thread. Almost a thread. I thought about the thing being a smell. It intensified with Lir riding along. Yes. The two of us. Owens Walsh, bothering people as we were destined to do.

It was good.

He thought so as well, I could feel it. Exhilaration from both of us. Heheh.

She was far away. Where? It didn't matter. Distance meant nothing, right? She was there. The feel of her, the smell, got sharper.

Nastier.

A person. Unpleasant, cold. Considerably more educated than I was. Lacking in imagination. Nothing new was valuable. The only worthwhile things in life are things that had come before, otherwise why wouldn't the new things be here already? Cruel. Cunning, though. And this person embraced her own cruelty. Wore it like the sash in a beauty pageant, one that said I AM THE REAL HUMAN HERE.

What was she doing? Sleeping? No…that wasn't right. Looking at a screen. Reading. She was on the internet, looking for someone. Me? Lux?

Anger boiled up. Looking for Lux? Both Lir and I bared our teeth.

No. Who was she looking for. It was the Feast of Fools. She was trying for the current location of that crazy flying garden. Why? I poked at the mind before me, trying for more information…

Alarm bells from her. What who what was that oh NO oh NO was it him oh NO this will not STAND! We'd been found out.

Simultaneously Lir and I sent her a single message:

This is your conscience, Michelle…you SUCK

Oh it's you, she sent. Relief. Contempt. Something weird. How many are you? What are you doing?

Spyin' on you!

We felt her lip curl. Where did Todd end up?

The same slammer you're heading for, you mass-murdering Karen.

I'm sure. Say, anything going on there tonight? Amusement. Contempt. Eager anticipation.

Stomp stomp stomp, footsteps booming on the floorboards. Lir and I cut the connection. I was me again. With traces of Lir in there, but that was just fine. We saw who had been stomping.

Lux had come in. She looked coldly furious. She had a cartoonishly large black eye.

Lir and I flipped out, of course. I went into an arm-waving frenzy about it. Lir chewed the end of his tail to keep from yelling. Lux wouldn't say anything to us for a long time. Just: "You should see the other guy."

Adaobi was summoned. Hours passed and the sun rose; Lux was pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing. Lir and I went looking for the other guy.

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