Todd was in Todd mode. Occasionally he'd slip in to Preston Covenant, then out again. Lux and I were seated next to him at a long table. Outdoors in the evening, and most of the freedom fighters seemed to be here with us. Citronella candles all up and down the table; Sliceday apparently hadn't done anything about mosquitos.

I tried subvocalizing to Lux. I wasn't moving around, so I wanted to see if she got it. "This is going to be a hazing," I said.

"What's hazing?" she said into my ear. "No connection, I can't look it up."

"I don't know what Humans call it now. When I was trying to fit in, I'd see it in social groups. What Humans do is try to hurt the Human in question, reducing that person to harmlessness, right? So they can be allowed into the group without endangering the power structure."

"Hurt? Like…what, maiming? Do you lose a hand?"

"Not intentionally. Accidents happen, though. Deaths. Mostly just humiliation and light torture. But it's something that's very, very important to a certain kind of Human. They need it for the social group to function."

"That's awful," she said. "What did you do when they hazed you?"

"Never happened, Ms. Lux."

"Sure. I suspect you sought out opportunities to get hazed. And then you'd use it as an excuse to go apeshit on Humans. Especially…after she died."

"You think so little of me." But I remembered. I remembered Greg, telling me I'd cheated. Cheated! Blood flowing down his face into his shouting mouth. His shocked friends hauling him away.

I remembered being told I couldn't surf around here anymore, this was their spot now. Unless I wanted to join them, of course To "try out." I remembered them chasing me desperately on foot, watching them run in the rear view mirror of their own car. Their own pricey longboards splintering under their own pricey wheels.

"You're smiling," Lux said.

"It's just gas."

"Whatever you're going to do, please don't. You're not here alone. I'm just a stupid phone, Owen. Mateo. I'm stuck in it."

"Everything will be fine."

"That's not–"

Todd leaned in. "I'm so glad you've been hearing us out. Michelle told me you saw the tanks, and that she told you how people abuse them."

I nodded. Doctor Michelle wasn't around; not surprising. Those exposed lower teeth hadn't been a sign of fellowship. I didn't expect to see her at all, actually. People like that need to cool off for a month at least.

But among the court of Todd the Messiah was one Hazel, she of the smiling dimples and award-winning hips. She didn't make eye contact with me. She was a super secret spy, after all.

"Have you met Rick?" Todd motioned to the bearded, intense middle-aged man sitting on his other side. "He does the Runes here."

I reached over and shook his hand. "What's this do," I said, tapping my upper arm.

He grinned unpleasantly. Screw you, Rune Guy Rick.

"Ever hear of the Beef Rapture?" Todd said. "There's a theory going around the web about something called transcendence, where once a race of beings lives … here, they eventually all disappear at once. To a higher plane. The Heavyside Layer, they call it online. So we had the Beef Rapture."

"I haven't heard of it, no."

"All these animals here, these unclean creatures. They weren't the problem at first. What caused a lot of harm were regular Earth animals. Dogs suddenly had souls. Cats too. Lots of animals started talking."

"Really?" I wished I'd seen that. My dog Molly, when I was a kid…

"The first species to transcend, that is, disappear all at once? Cows. They were complaining about being farmed and eaten–"

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"Seems reasonable."

"--and then they were all just gone. All in one day. Not just dairy cows, or specific breeds. All bovines, buffalo and oxen, what have you, gone. The Beef Rapture. Some people call it Apocalypse Cow." Todd looked amused.

Okay, where was this going…beef disappearing. And we were all at this absurd table, with a spot over there clearly intended to look like a stage.

Ah.

What are we gonna eat, Todd? And what did we have penned up today, Todd? And who's going to slaughter that being in front of everyone to show how harmless he is, Todd?

"I swear," I said. Stood. "Always the same."

"Owen…" Lux was more than anxious in my ear. She was scared. "Okay your pulse is up–what NO!"

"Not gonna do it, Todd." I dipped my paper napkin into the citronella candle. Presto, a torch. The table was suddenly ablaze; the black rune tablecloth burning with startling ease.

Shouts and screams. I whipped the burning cloth from the table, sending the candles flying, ran for the stage. Igniting things as I went. Lots of swearing from the assembled Humans.

"OWEN!" Lux screamed. "NO!"

Obviously too late. The long table was burning merrily. The Court of Preston Covenant was in chaos. They tried putting the fire out with more of the black cloth, and got even bigger fires.

Todd watched me as I neared the stage. He wasn't charging or panicking or even looking irritated. Just watching. Then he motioned Rune Guy Rick over, started talking to him. Whatever, Todd.

"IDIOT YOU IDIOT!" Lux was shouting. "JUST RUN IF YOU'RE GONNA PULL THIS CRAP YOU IDIOT!"

And there it was, being tended by the jovial farmhand from the afternoon, the one who'd reminded me of my uncle. A heavily trussed Pingster, its teeth safely muzzled, its legs and arms bound beneath it. It lay sideways on a wooden table. Is ears were rotating like radar scanners, tracking what was happening.

"Give it," I snarled to Uncle Farmhand, and grabbed his theater-prop-sized knife. He fled.

I began sawing at the bonds of the Pingster. First the legs came free. I started with the arms while the Pingster trembled, stretched and tried to get blood into its limbs. "Check it out," I shouted. "I think I'm supposed to kill this person, guys!"

Few of them were paying attention to me at all. They seemed quite concerned about those Runed tarps going up in flames; if they all went, who could spot them? Who was looking?

Rune Guy Rick and Todd were watching me. Waiting for something. And they got it: calm. The fires were put out. The crowd began to settle. They turned to look at their guy, Preston Covenant, waiting for his words of wisdom.

"Owen," he said. "Yes, you would have been asked to kill it. And then you would have been one of us. Or close to it, I mean come on. But not now. Now you'll have to settle for some burned tablecloths and pranking a great party."

"Yeah yeah." I helped the Pingster off the rolling table. Its huge padded chicken feet on their backwards legs scrabbled at the floorboards. I swatted dense bone above its stubby tail: BAP! It ran off, soundlessly like an incomplete special effect.

I watched it go with satisfaction. I heard shouts of alarm as the revolutionaries saw the Pingster coming; it was intimidating to be sure.

"The distraction, get it Lux?"

"WHAT THE HELL YOU IDIOT WHY DO THAT WHEN YOU COULD HAVE JUST–"

"C'mon, you," I said to Hazel. "Let's start some fires on the way to your people. Even your unworthy girlfriend. Then out the door."

She looked hopeful, excited. Nodded. Held my hand as we ran! Oh. Oh BOY!

I set a tent ablaze. Heh heh. Another. We kept running, and I wasn't paying much attention to Lux. She was mad at me, pretty sure.

But Hazel? She ran with me and she jiggled. It was spectacular. This was a very nice evening.

"Okay the gate's right there, but we're not hitting it yet," I said. "Let's let the Pingsters out, they're right here–"

"Stop, Owen." Out of breath? Sounded funny…I looked at her.

I was holding the hand of Dr. Michelle. She gave me her first genuine, full smile, wide and happy and predatory. She wasn't out of breath. As I watched, the Hazel seeming she'd been wearing flickered on again, off. On: Hazel's face wore the same wide smile. Off: Doctor Michelle again.

Smack. She'd swung a practiced hand at my upper arm, the one with the Rune. Dead on accurate through my Hawaiian shirt.

I yelped in confusion: my vision was gone. It was like having a fainting spell but I wasn't dizzy or woozy. My eyes fed me the same images whether they were open or closed. I ran. Struck a wall, fell.

Scrabbled on all fours. I couldn't see. I tried to remember which direction the front gate had been. Struck another wall.

Heard chuckling from Dr. Michelle. Her voice flickered from her middle-aged croon to the cooing sexiness of Hazel, back and forth. I remembered, when she'd been in scrubs, the little device she carried. Had it been a stunner for unruly patients?

It had. Burning, stinging at the base of my neck. I started shaking uncontrollably.

They lifted me by the arms, hauled me back. Threw me into a dirty, dusty place. An intense inhuman smell. I recognized the Pingster pen.

If they were in here with me, I couldn't tell. I curled up in the dirt. Occasionally someone would walk by outside, drop a snarky gloat of a remark.

Eventually Lux stopped shouting. She was still pretty mad at me, though.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.