As a child first learning to use her wilding skills, Tuya had asked the world for what she was looking for. First, she found Paintaker seeking sky petals and lightmaker center. Thousands of times she had done this to seek the plants she needed. Never had she tried this to find a person, or rather what was left of a person, just by calling out their description.

Tuya expanded her mind, still linked with Wolf, and reached out into the world.

Blood fur. Two legs. Big claws. Loud howls. She pushed the image she inherited from Brave with her request and thrust her consciousness out in every direction, hoping something would call back to her.

Her hopes were answered with silence. Wolf stifled their whines, but Tuya felt them through the link. They had believed Tuya would succeed. They never had a doubt.

But she failed them. Like she failed everyone. And she would fail everyone else. Tuya tried to mask her doubts because they would only hurt Brave more. She tried to keep their pain small, but found that her failure was too large to hide. Her eyes watered and she hid them from Wolf, looking up at the sky as the clouds rolled across.

I didn't become a wolf on my first try, Brave projected, taking hold of her hand. You will figure this out, Tuya.

Tuya squeezed tight to their words. Brave was right. She had given up too easily. Yaha would be disappointed. And Zaya. And Sarnai.

I'm not disappointed, Wolf thought. You don't need to be perfect. You're allowed to have doubts. I have them too.

Tuya was taken aback. She met Wolf's warm gaze, mouth open and tongue hanging out. They always seemed so certain. They knew what was right and they did it. That was all. She admired that in them. Tuya wished she could be the same. She tried and it worked for a while. Then, inevitably, she failed, and she couldn't believe in herself. Experiencing this cycle of doubt so many times convinced her that she was broken. Why couldn't she just be over this? Why didn't she just stay confident instead of gaining and losing her self-belief again and again? When she was good, she was a beacon of Norali's light. But when the doubt crept in, she was the absolute worst being to ever step on Celegana's land. Certainly, Brave didn't go through anything like that. Of this, she was confident.

I try to act right away, Brave transmitted. Because if I give myself time to think, I get paralyzed. Like a little wolf watching their pack leader fight for them.

I'm sorry, Wolf, but you don't know what it is like to not believe in yourself the way that I do. You can't just pretend we are the same.

We are not the same, Wolf agreed. But I do know what it is like to not believe in myself. I keep doubting whether I will ever be good enough to catch your eyes. Or to make you like me. Or to be worthy of licking away your pain. I doubt myself so much. Do I know the right things to sign? Can I fight like you? Protect you? Or only get in the way? Can I do anything worthy of your magic? Do I look beautiful enough? Can I even make you smile?

Wolf let out small whines, tears falling from their eyes. Running tells me you will fly away as quickly as you came. Dancing signs that none of us can ever catch your eye in a way that will make you stay. I tell myself every day to try to stop caring about whether you like me. To let go of my dreams.

But you can't, Tuya said, caressing their handsome cheek, looking into eyes that she wouldn't mind seeing until the end of time. You can't because some things are so important to us that we cannot let go of them. I need to be perfect because every time I make a mistake the people I care about suffer. I can't let go of that.

But when you struggle, the doubts hit you so hard, Brave thought. I wish I could help you remember that you are still perfect to me even when you struggle.

Tuya's lips quivered. Bad water ran down her cheek. Brave went to lick it, but Tuya pulled her head back. I need these tears. These are a reminder of a lesson I keep learning but can't seem to stop forgetting.

What lesson?

The one I taught Masarga. The same one Yaha tried to teach me.

Brave pulsed with excitement about learning more of Tuya's past. They wanted to know everything about her. It was so endearing to be valued in such a way. Tuya promised to tell them more later. After she remembered that she wasn't a mistake. The mistake was that she didn't let herself make mistakes. She was trying something for the first time. What would she say to Masarga if it didn't work after her first try? She wouldn't call her a failure. She'd tell her to try again, exploring what she might do differently. She'd tell her to love herself for doing her best.

Tuya gathered her composure, took several deep breaths, and reformed the image of Loving Wolf turning into a lost Atmana. She pushed the thought out, a psychic blast that would be felt for hundreds of miles by every sentient thing. Have you seen the blood wolf?

When she called for plants by what they looked like or even by their name, Tuya felt a tingle pointing her in their direction. She sought this small connection, wondering if it would be even fainter because she'd never tried from so far away. She waited, hoping, eyes bright and looking at the moon that Brave and their lost parent had so often howled at. Alas, the clouds that had been spreading across the sky reached the moon. Rain pattered into the trees, making this moist place more of itself but less of what Tuya would have liked tonight. The rain, ever a friend of hers, didn't bring her joy tonight. Time went on with no answer. She wanted to cry like the sky.

Brave didn't cry though. They held to Tuya, licked her cheek, and projected, The brightest star of all is still shining.

Gripping to the lesson and to Brave, Tuya didn't let herself believe she was a failure. She saw herself through Brave's eyes. A person who could do anything, even if they didn't always do it on the first try. A person so worthy of love that it hurt to know she might never return the affection they deserved.

Tuya ran her hand along Brave's back. They were the perfect shape for her. Not just their body either. She felt so much love, so much adoration, attraction, and desire to give herself to them that it was like listening to nails scraping stone when she denied herself the freedom to love them. She lowered her walls, letting them know this. You are lovable to me, even when I am not loving you.

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Brave didn't fully comprehend. Tuya stifled her frustration at having to explain this again. If I were an Atmana girl with no other concerns than living my life, I would run with you as far as we could go, Tuya transmitted, hugging them. But I cannot stay. I cannot love. And that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and where I come from.

If you thought I was good enough, you would bring me with you.

Tuya shook her head. It is because you are good, that I don't want you to die because of me.

Brave sighed, the gesture more profoundly human than their usual wolfish mannerisms. They signed as they shared their thoughts. I love you. I would rather fight alongside you than be safe far away from you.

Everyone that has fought alongside me is dead.

Wolf backed away from her, letting Tuya's hands fall to her side. Do they regret fighting alongside you?

Tuya didn't say anything. She thought of Yaha, Sarnai, and Darrakh. She knew the truth, though she didn't let herself acknowledge it. Sharing her mind, Wolf was just as aware as Tuya of truth. And it hurt them that Tuya would rob Wolf of a chance at their happiness just because it could end in dying doing what you loved.

I'm going to try looking for Loving Wolf again, Tuya signed and projected.

Let me help you, Wolf thought. Tuya braved a glance into their eyes and saw the hurt she felt through the link. She took their hand, wanting to make pain smaller. But giving small pieces of love to someone who wanted more didn't make pain smaller.

Not now, Wolf projected. Help me find Loving.

Tuya couldn't agree more. She wished she could fly away from ever opening these wounds again. It didn't matter what she wanted. What mattered was making pain smaller. The problem was that they disagreed on what making pain smaller looked like. Tuya knew that both options were sure to hurt like a lifetime spent in the Hollows.

Instead, she focused on what went wrong the last two times she sought Loving. With Paintaker and all that followed, a simple description allowed the plants to link with her directly. Perhaps witnesses couldn't form a direct link with her because she wasn't asking for them? If Tuya wasn't pushing her consciousness into their mind, they probably couldn't push their minds toward hers unless they were tamers, wilders, or something else that could project their consciousness. Even if she had projected images of Loving Wolf, those that had seen them wouldn't be able to reach Tuya.

You need to directly ask for Loving? Wolf asked.

That is what I think has been going wrong. Tuya hesitated. It seemed impossible.

What makes it hard to link with Loving?

Tuya didn't want to smash their hopes.

Rain pounding into them from the open canopy, Wolf signed and projected, Tell me so I can help you.

I'm not even certain if I can use this ability to find a person. But if it is even possible, they need to be alive and in range of my consciousness. Then, they'd need to want to be found. Even if they want to be found, I'd have to project thoughts that call directly to the heart of their spirit. And their spirit is lost within what they became. Tuya's sadness, her doubts, exploded inside of the link. It seems impossible, even with all the memories I made you share with me.

Brave pushed away the sadness, they carved through the doubts. I know them as well as I know my own spirit. Even if it doesn't work, I would rather spend the night trying. Besides, they put their hands on Tuya's shoulders, you can do anything.

Tuya was doubtful, but didn't let doubt stop her. Keep sharing your memories with me.

Wolf closed their eyes and looked into their own past. Tuya once again was carried through a river of memories touched by the bitter of loss and the sweet of having. She stretched as far as she could, probably well beyond the Great Atmana Forest and into the Hollows, across the sea to Leveria where Batu's flower tree was, and south over the Asalahm range where the sands of Isihla awaited their lost child. Loving Wolf. Be yourself, Loving Wolf. Be free.

No tingle of connection, no sense of something seeking a link with her. It was failing. Worse, she sensed something else. Tamed.

Thousands upon thousands of creatures cried out for their freedom as she lowered her walls to Loving Wolf, answering her call to be themselves and be free. Even worse, for the first time in not enough days, she sensed the one consciousness she could never forget.

Him.

Her consciousness collided with the space where his would steal all the color and joy from the world.

Gurgaldai ezen Celegan's mind wove through the Great Atmana Forest, far to the north. But not far enough. Amidst the many, many tamed, it was Gurg's flying beast that caught her focus. She lingered on the edge of its consciousness, listening to its mighty cries for freedom being stifled by the almighty blue-eyed boy that she couldn't love. He pulsed with intrigue, a sensation she'd long learned to fear rather than be curious about.

My Chosen!

She retracted her consciousness away from the fringe of the winged beast. It didn't matter. Gurg's mind was as strong as it had ever been. Perhaps even stronger. Like a fire that had found another forest to feed its rage.

Hide in these colorful trees. Run toward the sands. I will always find you. ALWAYS!

Tuya made her mind small, pulling her consciousness back to her body. She shook, unable to form coherent thoughts as her mind tried to go numb. All she felt were arms closing around her, trapping her in Gurg's grasp. Tuya pushed them away, the memory of her last lover's arms wrapping her while their eyes turned blue. Blood on the spear. Silver eyes fading forever.

It is me, Wolf projected. Brave Sky Wolf.

Tuya's breathing was too fast, too ragged, like she had run for days and nights, trying to escape thousands of tamed as they pursued her. But when Wolf closed their arms around her again, she settled into them, her mind screaming danger. Gurg would take them too. Just like they did Darrakh. She'd have to kill them and fly away again. She needed to get to Batu!

You are safe, Brave projected. You are loved. I will protect you.

Brave's arms were a haven as she fought to soothe herself. They were still them. And they were nothing like Gurg. Nor even a liar like Darrakh. Their thoughts, the pureness of their love, allowed her to take steps toward calm. She embraced them, grounding herself on Wolf. They were warm, kind, loving. She was in good hands. Hands that would never try to hurt her. Their thoughts were a soothing stream of compassion that made Tuya feel something she hadn't felt since Zaya held her as a little girl. Whether it had taken a dozen heartbeats or half the night, she wasn't sure, but she finally felt safe again. In the arms of the one she loved and wanted to be loved by.

See, I can help you, Brave thought, just as much to themselves as to her.

You can, she said, smiling at them. Calm, she took that thought even further. It is not me that should be calling out for Loving. It is the one they loved that can find them.

How?

Tuya reached out her hand. Brave took it. No hesitation. No time to think. No time to doubt themselves. She pushed the thoughts into their mind. Ask for them.

Instead of Tuya calling out, she projected Brave's thoughts and feelings outside of the link as they were happening.

I am coming for you, Loving Wind Wolf. I am coming to bring you home.

Far to the north, too close to where Gurgaldai ezen Celegan patrolled the skies, in a region of Great Atmana where hundreds of tamers brought doom and pain, came a tingle of awareness.

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