Ch. 144 I Won’t Have To Give Up (1)

“What Simon Hillard desires…”

Louise repeated the former queen’s words, but the older woman did not clarify what she meant. To find the answer herself, Louise retraced her memories of the original story, which she had not done in a long time. Simon Hillard was the tragic secondary character who fell hopelessly in love with Stella Lapis and held on his feelings until the end…

The original story may have been diverted and events were not the same, but it could not have changed basic human nature. Yes.

‘Simon Hillard’s desire….’

Louise stared down at the tips of her shoes as she grappled with her thoughts for a moment. A hand clap jolted her from her reverie.

“Let’s call it a day.”

The former queen smiled and called back the pair of cousins. While the servants removed the target and retrieved the extra arrows, Ian and Simon seated themselves on either side of Louise.

“Now, don’t prey on the poor lamb.”

“Sorry.”

Ian pulled off his gloves and smiled in amusement.

“It’s a habit.”

“Habit?”

“We have a habit of sitting in this order. We’re seated by intelligence.”

Ian nodded his head as he touched his chin.

“You mean we start with Simon and then it gets smaller, right?”

The servants burned their glares at Louise’s back again, and Ian and Simon fought off their looks with frightening expressions of their own.

“You’re wrong, Louise Sweeney. Naturally, I have the most intelligent mind.”

While Ian boasted of himself, a tray of hot tea was served before them. White steam spiraled from the black tea and drifted in the cold air.

“More importantly.”

Ian sat back.

“I talked to Simon, and we decided we should tell you that we’re not your clowns.”

“Did you?”

The former queen sounded quite disappointed.

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

“That’s a shame. If you’re not my clowns, who will shoot arrows for me?”

As Louise watched their conversation, she had a sudden realization.

‘The two of them are so alike!’

Ian and his grandmother were similar not only in the way they spoke, but also in the way that they looked at each other. And perhaps, there was something special in her that resembled Simon Hillard as well.

“Come to think of it, there is a simple solution.”

The former queen smiled at Louise.

“I’ll just have Louise Sweeney as my clown.”

“M-me?”

The former queen was surely jesting, but Louise quickly pointed out her inadequacy just in case.

“My muscles are not that good.”

“There’s nothing to worry about. I think you will find the job quite beneficial for you. Four times a year, put your muscles in front of me and shoot arrows.”

Beneficial? After thinking for a moment, Louise widened her eyes and let out a gasp. The former queen’s suggestion was very good indeed. Louise could have an audience in front of the former queen four times a year, and the nobles will start whispering that the Sweeneys had a connection with the royal family. The nobles who took her lightly would know to shrink back.

Louise could barely contain her excitement for being the queen’s personal clown. All she had to do was learn the bow and work out her muscles. It would be totally worth it.

“I’ll be a clown with a good back—!”

Suddenly a hand smothered her mouth. At first she thought it was only Ian, but she realized that Simon was covering her mouth as well. Both of them were frowning disrespectfully at the former queen, and Ian spoke hurriedly.

“All of Louise Sweeney’s joints and muscles belong to me. We can’t make new labor arrangements, so please find another clown somewhere else.”

No, what was he talking about? The clown position was hers!

“But your worker wants the job?”

Ian’s head shot back towards Louise with a sharp look, as if to warn her that if she became a clown for the former queen, she’d be in Hell.

Louise turned her eyes and looked at Simon. To her surprise, he had the same expression on his face. What had they been treated like so far?

“Alright, alright. I’ll put Louise Sweeney’s job on hold for a while.”

The two hands that covered Louise’s mouth pulled away, and a sigh of relief echoed from both sides of her ears.

“Because there’s something more important than choosing my clown.”

The former queen’s eyes lifted towards Simon.

“Simon Hillard.”

” …Yes.”

Simon answered in an anxious voice. For some reason, he always seemed to capture the former queen’s interest.

“You wrote an interesting letter to the duke.”

“You read it…”

“Don’t blame your father. I was there by chance when the letter arrived. I was stubborn and took it from him.”

“…”

Louise glanced at Ian in question if he knew about this letter, but Ian shook his head.

“I will support you in your endeavor.”

The former queen spoke solemnly. Everything Simon wanted will come true.

“Will you accept it?”

Simon stared at the former queen, surprised. He couldn’t help but be suspicious.

“Sweetness mixed with poison.”

His father’s words had always guided him in life.

“Simon Hillard.”

The former’s queen’s strict voice broke through his thoughts again, and Simon finally faced her. He didn’t know her intentions, but he knew she was putting him to the test.

“I—”

His instincts told him what to say: deny it, so that no one in the world can look positively on Simon.

“You have the same face as that rainy day.”

At her words, Simon’s head turned back toward Louise without him realizing it. The rainy day she meant, he supposed, was when he couldn’t bring himself to ask Louise for a relationship. He didn’t take the chance to express his mind honestly.

Was it out of kindness to Louise?

Or was it because he was just running away?

“Grandmother.”

Ian spoke up quietly. He meant for her to explain, but she didn’t answer.

“I sent a letter to the Duke.”

Simon’s voice was soft as he kept his eyes fixed on the cooling tea.

“I want…I want to learn more.”

He wanted to expand his horizons after he and Ian graduated and ended their Academy life that winter.

“You mean you want to continue going to the Academy? We can arrange that without difficulty.”

Simon looked back at Ian and shook his head gently. What he wanted was not just a high level of education.

“I asked if I could go to other places to learn about culture, religion and even language.”

“You mean studying abroad?

Louise chimed in, and Simon nodded.

“Wait, you’ve never said that before…!”

“Well, of course I can’t leave.”

He remembered his father’s reply in a letter, warning him to be cautious of his behavior.

“I must always remain a duke, so in times of emergency I can replace Ian Audmonial.”

“Simon!”

Simon was not allowed to rise above the current Crown Prince. He was simultaneously less than a human being, but also burdened with expectations for the country. It was natural that he wished for an escape, temporary it may be. He wanted just one moment of that, before his breath expired and he disappeared.

“I just want a moment where I won’t have to give up.”

He learned that from Louise, who was the most persistent person he knew.

“I—”

Ian’s expression twisted. He didn’t want Simon to study abroad, but he didn’t have the heart to reject his wishes. Ian liked Simon. However, he didn’t want to think about life without him.

“I respect your choice.”

His expression said otherwise.

“No matter what you choose, I’ll protect you from any harm. Apart from Grandmother.”

“Will you…”

Simon hesitated.

“I’ve already caused enough trouble for Ian and Grandmother….”

“Very well.”

The former queen nodded her head.

“I will not stop you if you want to retreat again. It would be fruitless to do so.”

She rose from her seat and nodded, and the surrounding servants began to prepare to go back.

Simon’s hands clenched involuntarily. Sweat began to sweep from his palms holding the armrest, and his heart throbbed painfully in his rib cage. He hadn’t decided anything yet. What was the former queen’s intention? Was it out of goodwill, or was it a temptation to drop Simon into the abyss? The uncertainty gnawing at him made him want to retreat.

If he lost this chance, was there a next for him? But if there was a next, it wouldn’t be called a “chance” in the first place—It was called “chance” because it might never come again.

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