41 – Doom and Gloom

Addie watched Tony as he maneuvered the van into the alley. He looked serious, his expression a little grim, even—lips pressed tight and turned down at the corners, eyebrows angled downward, slow, steady breaths through his nose. He was concentrating, maybe even psyching himself up. He had to be intimidating, and she could only imagine what his mental process was for that; she'd never intimidated anyone in her life.

"That him?" he asked, nodding toward one of the bangers who'd stopped what they were doing—digging through the contents of a boosted delivery crate—to watch the van approach as if it were a Christmas morning package.

Addie looked at the banger—tall, swarthy, two rust-tech eyes, and an oversized faux-leather trench coat covering a lot more mods. He had a black mustache and a perpetual sneer. He was her dad's age, but he seemed younger, probably because he shaved the gray hair off his head and lived a tough life. "That's him. He used to run our block back in the day."

They were still twenty meters from the crew, but Tony stopped the van. "Better wait here, I don't—"

"Tony! You didn't say anything about doing this alone."

He shook his head. "I'm not alone. You're right here. He won't send his boys off if I've got you along. He won't want to talk if the van's too close, either. Don't worry; I got this."

"Just have Nora ping me if you want me to come out. I can try my new trick if there's trouble."

Tony smiled, giving her knee a nudge with his mechanical knuckles. "Look at you. Big shot spark."

Addie blushed. "I wasn't saying—"

"I know what you mean. Anyway, just keep an eye on his boys. Make sure they don't sneak around and ambush us from the other end of the alley."

"Okay…"

He opened his door and slid out. "Be right back."

Before she could respond, he pushed the door shut and sauntered toward the bangers. He had his hands in his pockets, which Addie didn't think was the most brilliant move when approaching trigger-happy criminals, but Tony had his way. "He could have left comms open or something."

JJ surprised her by responding, "Perhaps he thinks the signal might be noticed by one of the bangers. They might have a member with a wireless data jack that could detect it."

"Okay, good point, JJ."

He had Glitch's little device in his pocket, right there in the open. What if one of them detected it? Addie felt her hands getting clammy with stress, and she laughed at herself. "I'm more nervous than he is."

"He's been doing things like this for a while," JJ reminded her.

"You're getting too smart, JJ," Addie fake-pouted. "I don't like it."

"Oh, I'm sorr—"

"Hush. I'm teasing." Addie watched out the window and smiled as Gomez's boys walked away down the alley, but they didn't look happy. "Looks like he got Gomez to listen at least." Her smile revealed her deeper thoughts: she'd known he'd do it. When he'd walked up to those four men, it had looked like a tiger approaching a pack of coyotes. He just had a different level of…something. She supposed she was biased, but she'd argue with anyone over it.

Even standing there with a seasoned enforcer for the Helldogs, Tony didn't have to yell or grab anyone. He just shifted his slouch into a forward lean, and Gomez flinched back. The enforcer didn't look happy. His brow continued to furrow as his scarred bottom lip curled into a terminal frown. He didn't reach for the big gun on his thigh, though. He put his hand in his coat pocket, and Tony started to pull his right hand from its pocket, but the banger hastily held his palms out, and Addie thought she could read his lips saying, "Fuse."

Sure enough, he pulled out a red-papered burner, tucked it between his lips, and lit it with something in his palm. As he took a drag of the acrid, chemically laced tobacco, Addie could almost smell it—her memory of walking through clouds of that red smoke was still that vivid. "Gross," she whispered, wondering why anyone would inhale that stuff on purpose.

They spoke for another minute or two, and then Tony tapped the side of his head, and his shoulders moved like he was laughing. Gomez took a step back and snatched his gun out, leveling the fat barrel at Tony. Addie got tense, reaching for the door latch, ready to jump out and try to shoot him with her needler or maybe try incapacitating him with Pyroshi's "hands-up" technique. Before she could pull the lever, though, Gomez lowered the barrel, his face livid with rage.

Tony pulled off a signature shrug, hands still in his pockets, and then the two men talked for a few more minutes. Periodically, Gomez would start to lift his gun, but he'd stop himself, and it shook in his furiously tight grasp. When Tony pulled his mechanical hand out and held it out to the man, Gomez stared at it for several seconds before he grudgingly grabbed hold of it. He only shook for a second before jerking his hand back like he'd touched something poisonous.

After that, Tony turned and sauntered back to the van, tossing Addie a wink while he was at it. She scowled at him. By the time he'd climbed back into the driver's seat, Gomez's boys were back, and one of them, a portly fellow wearing tight black pants and a too-small, faux-leather vest, approached the van, grabbing his crotch. "Get outta here before I piss on that hunk of junk!"

Tony waved at him as he put the van in reverse and used the rear camera to navigate the many obstacles in the alley. Addie stared at him, hoping he'd get the clue that she was waiting to hear how things went, but he was engrossed in the task, so she finally gave in. "Well?"

"Oh, it went great. He didn't like it when his PAI sent me the message from Boxer, but when he threatened to give me a few new perforations, I reminded him that I had a deadman protocol."

"So, like, what's next?" That was the one part of the scheme Tony and Glitch had come up with that she didn't get.

"Not much. Gomez is gonna go to the shot caller in charge of him and Beef and basically tell him he supports Beef's move to get out. He's also gotta sell it to Beef—make the big guy believe he'll be good to his clients." Tony chuckled at the word. It was funny, Addie supposed, in a sadistic sort of way, that the Helldogs called the people they extorted for protection "clients."

"And you think he'll do that?"

Tony looked at her and winked his silver eye again.

"Quit that!"

Held up a hand in surrender. "Alright, alright. Sorry. Yeah, he's gonna do it. He doesn't have a choice. I sweetened the deal with a promise to give him a tip here and there on a good mark—something easy to rob for some quick bits. It's what he'll tell his boys we were talking about."

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"How are you going to do that?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't have to, but if I see something that might work out for him, I'll send it his way. I don't mind putting the Helldogs against a corp here and there."

Addie didn't respond, but she supposed she didn't really have a problem with what he was saying, either. If it helped to get Beef out from under the Helldogs, what did she care who Gomez and his boys robbed, so long as Tony didn't point them at any decent folks? "Weren't you nervous when he pointed that cannon at you?"

"Well, I mean, the cool thing to say is no, right?" Addie swiveled her chair to aim a kick at him, but he held out his mechanical arm to catch her foot. "Easy! What I'm getting at is that I'll tell you the uncool thing: I was a little nervous. Mostly because he put his finger on the trigger, and accidents can happen. I didn't think he'd shoot on purpose; he didn't strike me as stupid."

"I was nervous enough for both of us, anyway. I could just imagine you dying to some banger in an alley while I sat in the van and watched. I didn't like being in that position, Tony."

He glanced at her, and his usual teasing grin was gone. He gave her a serious, eye-to-eye stare and said, "We're partners, Ads. You're gonna have to watch my back during some hairy situations. I might buy it one of these days. The more you face that reality, the less it's gonna sting when it happens."

His words, coupled with the gloomy thoughts she'd had after her meeting with Pyroshi, didn't sit very well with Addie. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned back in her seat. She didn't mean to scowl or pout—for real this time—but she probably did. She tilted her face toward the window, effectively giving him the cold shoulder, and watched the people and cars outside as the van made its slow way through the busy district.

"Sorry if I upset you," Tony said after a few minutes of silence.

"It's not just you." Addie sighed and turned to face him, irritated that moisture was gathering in her eyes. "I was so happy when you messaged me at the park—you know, when you told me you had a plan to help Beef. I felt like everything was good, and as I stood there, waiting for the van to come and get me, I think those good feelings scared me."

"Scared you?" Tony turned away from the wheel, letting the van's AI take over, and leaned toward her. "Why?"

"Because I have so much to lose now."

He groaned, reaching up to grip his hair in his fist. "I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't be telling you to get used to the idea that I might die. I mean, what kind of fucked-up shit is that?"

"It was just bad timing," Addie said, reaching out to take his hand. "I think you were being sincere, though."

"Well…" He shook his head. "Sincere or not, it wasn't nice. I don't like to think of that happening to you. Why would I tell you that? I think, honestly, Ads, that I have some of the same gloomy thoughts you had today. I don't believe this"—he pointed to her and then back to himself—"good thing can be real. Or at least that it can't last."

Addie looked down, nodding slowly. Her voice was small when she said, "Like something's got to give, huh? People just aren't happy like this—not in the Blast."

Tony squeezed her fingers. "Not anywhere."

Addie sat there, enjoying the warmth of his hand, and blinking away tears as the van continued on its course. After a while, she took a deep breath and let it out in an explosive exhalation. Forcing a smile, she said, "Tony, you were supposed to tell me I was being silly. That we're all good and nothing bad is coming our way."

"Yeah, you're right." He smiled as he let go of her hand to reach over and brush the tears on her cheek with his thumb. "I wasn't thinking."

Addie watched as he lowered his hand and sat back in his seat. He looked like a man about to have his last meal—truly convinced he was going to lose her. That belief of his, that certainty that bad things were coming, was enough to take her breath away. Quickly, she turned back to the window as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

The emotions churning inside were unbearable—mostly fear and helplessness—and knowing Tony was stuck in the same spiral made it worse. There was no anger to latch onto, no one to blame for the dread sinking its claws into them. Not even Tony.

The truth was they'd both been through too much. Loss had marked them too deeply. Maybe it wasn't rational to expect more pain, but it felt that way. It felt inevitable. And in that moment, Addie couldn't tell if it was just trauma talking or some kind of dark wisdom earned the hard way.

As the van bumped over a curb trying to avoid an idiot driving a food truck, Addie's forehead thunked against the glass, and she held it there, closing her eyes and savoring the cool hardness of it. It grounded her a little, and she remembered where she was. She remembered everything she'd done to get out of her despair in the past—when her mother died, when her father was sick, when Simon had been killed, when she'd been bullied, when she'd lost friend after friend to gang violence, drugs, or corpo reshuffling.

She'd wallowed for a while, sure, but what had turned things around for her was when she'd determined to do something about it all. She'd helped people where she could, but she'd also tried to give a voice to the rest of the folks like her—tried to expose the world to the corruption and negligence of the corporate caretakers of the Blast. Having that purpose had taken her mind off the losses—allowed her to focus on the good in her life, most notably her father.

So what was the big deal? She had a little more good now. That just meant she had to do a little more good. Addie looked at Tony, wiping her tears but smiling. "We have to earn all this happiness we've been stealing from the world, Tony."

"Earn it?" He turned sideways in his seat, studying her with those mismatched eyes.

"You and me—we're gonna spiral if we sit around enjoying ourselves too much. We need purpose. We've been good about staying busy, but everything we do can't just be for us. We've got to put some good out there. Because when I'm with you, I feel like I'm stealing more than my share." Her voice broke as the tears came again, and to her amazement, Tony's silver eye welled up, too.

"Dammit, Addie," he said, voice thick. "You make me so stupidly happy. Come here."

He didn't have to tell her twice. Addie lurched out of her seat, moved around the center console, and collapsed onto his lap. She leaned into him, meaning to hug him, but he had other ideas, and his lips found hers. He kissed her hungrily, his hands pulling her tight and then working their way down, groping at her lower back and butt as she squeezed against him in the seat.

Addie wanted more; she wanted him to rip her shirt off. She wanted to rip his off. She explored his lips, his teeth, his tongue, tasting him, trying to memorize the tang of his saliva, the scent of his breath. Their hot kisses went on for a while, and she could feel his excitement, his readiness, but then he pushed her back, panting, lips inflamed and damp with her saliva. "Wait…"

"Tony!" Addie cried, trying to push into him again, oblivious to the movements the van was going through—the traffic outside their untinted windows. None of it mattered. Only he did. Only the heat between them. He held her at bay, though, smiling at her hunger.

"Didn't we just do something for someone else? We got Beef out of his—"

"Tony!" she cried again.

"No, seriously, chill, Ads. This is important."

Addie relented, pushing against his shoulders so she could scoot back on his lap. "What? Please, Tony, no more doom and gloom."

"Addie, you don't get it. I've got a fucking headsman's axe hanging over my neck, and you're the only thing in the world that makes me feel like there's some hope I can get out from under it. I want to believe we can do it—that if we do the right thing and tell the wrong people to eat chrome, that we can escape the cycle. But if we're gonna do it right, Ads, you gotta know everything. I have to face everything."

Addie's heart felt like it was going to thump its way up out of her throat. She felt her breath getting shallow, and she had to grip his shoulders to steady herself as a wave of vertigo washed over her. She'd built this moment up in her mind so much that it felt like she was living outside herself as Tony spoke. Was he serious? Was he going to tell her about his betrayal? About the things he'd been boxing away since they met? She licked her lips, trying to calm her breathing as she shook her head. "N-not here."

"No." Tony nodded toward the windshield. "We're almost there."

"Soon, then? Afterwards?"

Tony smiled, leaning forward to kiss her, this time far more gently. "I promise."

Addie smiled and then, awkwardly untangled from him, clambered off his seat and over the console to her own. She had to adjust her jeans, grunting as she tugged them down. Meanwhile, the van pulled into the purple neon glow of the Ninety-Nine. "At least we'll have good news for Beef."

"Yeah. Nora says he and Glitchwitch are already here." He cleared his throat as he adjusted his coat. "Is this one?"

"One what?"

"One of those good deeds, you just had an epiphany about."

Addie shook her head. "I don't think so. We're cleaning up after ourselves. We let that madman out on the streets, so now we have to get him off them."

Tony nodded, sighing. "Guess it was too much to hope for. You're sure you're ready for this? Not many options to handle a guy like Victor Kwon."

Addie had been steeling herself for that question. She knew Beef was going to think she wasn't ready, either. Clenching her jaw, she looked Tony in the eye and growled, "He's hurting people, Tony."

He nodded. "All right. Let's go plan this thing."

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