Today's Earth date: March 6, 1992

Love is weird. Now that she broke it off, why do I suddenly feel more in love with her? How do I tell if this is really love at all?

Rathain says it's like when your mom throws away one of your old toys. You might not have thought about it for years, but as soon as you know it's gone, you bawl your eyes out.

Wilmond agrees and keeps saying things like, "play the field" and "plenty of fish in the sea."

Horcus hates these kinds of conversations.

-The Journal of Laszlo the Paladin

***

The most notable observation, aside from ratmen being gifted harpy wings, was a detailed floor plan drawn on the wall in chalk, the level of specificity requiring one whole side of the storage room.

Before Wayne could guess as to what the floor plan might depict, Fergus said, "This is the arena."

That wasn't Wayne's guess, but as soon as Fergus shared his answer, the details of the drawing came to life. Wayne could picture the rooms he had seen and the routes he had taken through the structure. Fergus was definitely correct.

"Other than trading with a monster merchant, what interest would rats have in the arena?" Fergus asked, studying the drawings.

"Maybe there was something in Sanders' collection they wanted to steal? Similar to how they targeted Kenny."

Fergus nodded approvingly. "A reasonable hypothesis. I can't recall seeing anything rats might desire, but we saw relatively little of the arena with our own eyes."

"Right. Whatever they were after could have easily been in another room or in storage."

"Or," Fergus said, raising a finger, "their plan used to include the arena in some capacity, but a certain Zero Hero screwed all of that up."

Wayne chuckled. "Yeah, sure, maybe."

Otherwise, the search of the first dwarf storage area turned up nothing useful. The ratmen had quite obviously ransacked it already, and inspecting the other remains didn't bear fruit. If there was anything valuable to be found there, the rats took it already. The sun was well-up the next morning when Wayne's party finally returned to Mudsville.

As soon as the townsfolk spotted the Zeroes, they offered their friendly greetings and launched a barrage of questions about how they knew Laszlo the Chosen Paladin and what it was like to watch him in action. That told Wayne that Luke hadn't come clean about his true identity, and neither he nor Fergus knew what to do about that. Their present course of action was to mind their own business and let Luke make his own choices.

"Having a train has quickly spoiled me," Fergus admitted as the party returned to the wagon. "I know this only works in a town, but I'm already quite used to having ready access to a hot bath."

"I was actually thinking we skip the wagon ride home."

"Oh?"

"I think it will work."

Wayne opened his system and navigated to the Train Roster menus. He was pleased to see their budget had increased since he last looked, suggesting that defeating enemies earned them what Wayne had begun to think of as "train bucks" since the dollar sign he saw didn't represent any real currency nor could he access the currency directly.

Mentally focusing on any of the cargo car options gave him a small thumbnail of what it looked like. The images were pixelated as if taken directly from Railroad Tycoon itself, so they weren't the most detailed, but Wayne found a large flatbed car that the system called "Goods Cargo."

He added it to the end of the train. Like he could with the other Goods-named attachments, he could open a door directly to the flatbed with his mind. Next, Wayne summoned Outlawson and backed the wagon through the door and onto the train car.

Wayne was embarrassingly bad at backing up trailers on Earth, and the system didn't make him any better at it here. But after a great deal of wiggling and more than a few curious stares from the residents of Mudsville, he got the wagon onto the train and dismissed Outlawson.

"Ah, I see your plan," Fergus said, nodding approvingly. "Very clever."

"I'm going to see if Luke, or rather, 'Laszlo' is still around. Hop onto the train and see if you can shortcut to Billium's?"

"With pleasure."

The plan in Wayne's mind was simple. The door to Cold Goods Storage was still open in the Blackwell estate. If his party could freely pass through it like they did the day before, then the only thing preventing them from quick-traveling back to Iomallach was the wagon.

And now the wagon was on the train. In theory, they could pop back to Iomallach and pull the wagon off of the car, and it would be no different than if they had driven it all the way with Outlawson.

"Sammy wants to know if you'd like breakfast," Fergus said via Voice.

"I take it you're all through with no problems."

"Yes, indeed. Breaking the rules of space and time for the sake of simple convenience is a magical thing."

"Excellent. And yes, I'll have whatever Sammy is making."

Wayne rounded the corner to find Kenny and Luke speaking. She looked up at the newly minted paladin with big eyes and a soft, coy smile. Wayne and Kenny were clear with one another that neither wanted to commit to a long-term relationship, yet Wayne found himself feeling jealous of the attention she gave Luke.

With some effort, he pushed it out of his mind. This wasn't high school. They were all adults. And this is exactly what they agreed to.

"Umm… Mr. Paladin," Wayne began. He didn't want to blow Luke's cover, but he also didn't want to participate in the lie. "We're leaving for Iomallach now if you want that ride."

"I thought your party would want to rest a bit before making the trip?"

"We have a shortcut. You're welcome to stay, of course. I just didn't want to offer to help and then disappear on you."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Luke said to Kenny. "I wish we could talk more, but adventure calls."

"I know the drill, but come say hi if you come back through?" she asked.

"I swear that I shall."

Kenny offered both of the men a small wave and went around the back of her house to return to her work. Wayne motioned for Luke to follow. He paused when no townspeople were in sight.

"This will be disorienting, but we're pretty sure it's safe."

Wayne activated Board and gestured for Luke to go first. He hesitated but did as Wayne asked.

Wayne joined Luke in the passenger car and closed the station door behind him.

"What… where is this?"

Patting him on the back, Wayne answered, "We have all the same questions. I can't explain how all of this works. I just know that it does, but before we get off at Iomallach, we need to talk."

"About people calling me Laszlo?"

"What's the plan there?"

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Luke shrugged. "I guess I'm so used to pretending to be Laszlo that it was easy to slip into character. I didn't realize what kind of hole I was digging for myself until I was back in Mudsville."

"And then it was too late."

"Yeah."

"Here's the thing," Wayne said, "We can't lie for you. That opens up all kinds of problems that I myself am personally fine with, but Fergus has devoted his life to being a Royal Scholar. When it comes out that you're not the real Laszlo, that's the end of his career if he helped prop up a lie."

"I understand." Luke's face fell, and his body shrank as his confidence drained away.

"At the same time… You're a convincing Laszlo, and if your goal is to find your dad, I have to imagine hearing about an impersonator would be a good way to bring him out of hiding. I can't say how happy he'd be about it, but I see the logic."

"So you think I should keep pretending?"

Wayne shook his head. "I am not encouraging any choice over another. That's all up to you. If you want to keep up the act, though, we can't be with you. We'll say we saw someone who claimed to be Laszlo if people ask, and that's where our part in this stops."

"You won't rat me out but won't cover for me either. I think that sounds fair."

"I'm glad you see it that way. For what it's worth, I hope you find him."

"You are very kind."

Looking Luke up and down, Wayne used his Investment Account ability to withdraw some gold. "You need some new gear to be a convincing Laszlo. Should probably buy yourself a compass as well."

Luke laughed and tried to push the money back to Wayne.

"Man, take it. We can call it your payment for helping out with the ratmen if that helps. Also, Fergus and I were talking about your situation last night. The real Laszlo is probably on the Free Continent, but going to the Capital first might be a smarter play. If anyone knows where he is, it'll be the royal family."

"That does sound better than aimlessly searching the Free Continent."

"That's the idea, yeah," Wayne said. "It's your life, though. Last thing: We are going to exit into a house in Iomallach. Please let me get you outside without having to introduce you to anyone. If the Blackwell's hear we are traveling with Laszlo, we'll all be in a tough spot."

***

When the Replay concluded and Wayne closed the viewing screen, General Poltur held her frown and leaned back in her desk chair. She had seen everything from where the party entered the warehouse to when they began their overnight search of the storage area. She heard the ratman fleshmancer and Targitaus talking, and she saw Laszlo kill his mutated form.

That also left out any conversations between the Zeroes and the mysterious paladin.

"I heard someone claiming to be a paladin was running around the Cuts, but I didn't think there was anything to it," she said. "Definitely looks like him and seems strong enough. Pretty ratty gear for a Chosen Hero, but I suppose a bunch of time in the Cuts will make anyone look like that. Even then, looks pretty damn handsome for his age."

"I believe that's everything," Fergus said. "Do you have any more questions we can answer before we leave you to your investigation?"

"I'm surprised you brought this to me."

"Why do you find that surprising?"

"You two stormed off the last time we spoke," Poltur said. "I expected to have to compel you to cooperate if the need arose."

"Our position has not changed," Fergus replied. "We have our duties as citizens and as Scholars and are happy to fulfill them."

"Where did Laszlo go?"

"You'd have to ask him."

Poltur scowled. "Is this where your cooperation ends? This information is important for our city's safety as well."

Wayne caught Fergus' eye and nodded to the door. Fergus stood.

"You are not dismissed."

"Are we under arrest?" Fergus asked.

"Tell me what you know about Laszlo."

"I'm afraid that would take two semesters of material at least, and I don't think you're prepared to do the homework."

Wayne held the door open and let Fergus leave first.

Poltur stood at her desk. "You two are shit heroes."

"Beats being a pretend General."

The shouting continued well after the door was closed. Wayne opened Let's Draw and began to sketch.

"You're really doing this here?"

"Guess it."

"Do I have to?"

"Guess the damn drawing."

Fergus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "That is a very hairy penis."

"Thank you," Wayne said, lining up the location for the print so it was the first thing Poltur would see when she left her office. "I kind of want to stick around and see how the hair renders. I usually go for the more streamlined style because it's faster."

"I'd prefer to leave before she finds an excuse to arrest us."

"Okay, fine."

On their way to find a lunch that met Fergus' standards, Wayne shared new thoughts about his latest system unlocks.

"We need to pick a station location in Iomallach to be sure, but I think I can basically attach a kind of phone to it."

"The Earth communication device?"

"Yes," Wayne answered. "I got an ability called Microwave Stations from one of my flight sims, and there was a greyed out item in the train menu labelled Messages. I saw some options when we set the Mudsville door that make me think we can put a communication point there."

"And that would accomplish…?"

"If it's attached to the station doors in each city we visit, my guess is that it leaves some way for us to be contacted."

"Do we want that?"

"Fair question," Wayne conceded. "Have to see how it works to say that for sure, right?"

"Let's stop here. I heard this place does an amazing corned beef, but yeah, sure. Anything you want after we've eaten."

***

Random.

Song: Nkosi Yama Khosi

Artist: Ladysmith Black Mambazo

Album: Isacthamiya

Genre: Isacthamiya

An acappella chorus came to life outside of Iomallach's north gate. Wayne didn't understand the language the performers sang in, but he found it pleasant, regardless.

After some discussion over corned beef sandwiches, Wayne and Fergus decided the north gate was an ideal interdimensional egress point. Setting the station gate off to the side would make it easier to come and go undetected while leaving plenty of space to maneuver Outlawson and the wagon.

With some experimentation, Wayne learned that Microwave Stations from After Burner II did indeed attach to station doors, and only station doors. Activating Microwave Stations attached a janky antenna to the exterior of the entry and placed a Morse code keyer and paddle to the side. If Fergus tapped a message, Wayne could read it from the engine menu when he was on the train.

Neither Wayne nor Fergus knew Morse code, so they were relieved to find that Wayne's Commo Operation skill from Buck Rogers enabled him to upgrade from a keyer to a keyboard. Instead of encoded messages, they could receive text messages instead.

All of this was very exciting as it enabled them to receive messages from any city they visited. If they had a station door in Cuan, for example, Perris wouldn't have needed to respond to Wayne's letter with another letter. He could have typed his response in at the comms panel to give Wayne an answer right away. The Zeroes couldn't reply, but it was still a vast improvement in efficiency even if it was one-way.

But there was a hitch.

When a station door closed, it was invisible, but the comms panel was not. A radio antenna with a keyboard and CRT screen attached to the side of the city wall was very noticeable.

"You really think anyone would bother it?" Fergus asked.

"We'd get flooded with nonsense messages."

"I don't see why."

Wayne began an Earth lesson that covered both email spam and prank calls. Letters were an expensive proposition in this world, so they were sent sparingly and treated with great care. Fergus hadn't considered how much that would change if every letter were free like emails were. He also hadn't considered anyone using those messages for pranks, but he was quite amused when Wayne briefly summarized the evolution of crank calls.

The lesson broke down when Wayne tried to describe an Earth television show where puppets acted out recordings of prank calls, but Fergus saw Wayne's point, regardless.

They deleted the station entrance, taking the comms panel with it, and agreed to find a better solution.

With Vanilli's Cold Storage door still open, they fast traveled back to the Blackwell estate and discussed testing what happened when they actually told the train to go to Mudsville.

Wayne was still learning the idiosyncrasies of the train, but it "followed" the party to Mudsville. When they shortcutted back to Iomallach, the train was still in Mudsville, and they had to "call" it, which meant waiting for the train to travel to the station.

Not realizing all of that at the time, nobody was actually on the train to report what true travel on it felt like. Wayne and Fergus debated what other rules they should test.

Armond interrupted them.

"Didn't know you guys were back," he said when he passed by their doorway. He had milk in his mustache from the bowl of cereal in his hand. "Got a visitor waiting for you by the pool."

Wayne heard them in the garden as soon as he opened the back door. He found Hector, Margo, Vanilli, Sammy, Billium, and Kryss enjoying cold drinks and the beauty of the well-tended grounds. Kryss had a long white glove covering her skeleton arm, and Wayne noticed that she sat close enough to Vanilli for their thighs to touch.

Before he could scold himself for feeling jealous, he found the guest Armond mentioned. He recognized her red hair and long elf ears before she turned around.

The uncanny valley feeling was as strong as ever.

"Hi Wayne," Sheeri said, turning in her chair. "I hope you don't mind a visit."

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