Today's Earth date: September 31? 1991

Traveling straight north was a gamble, but it worked. We hit the coast of an ocean. If we follow it west, we should reach Cuan eventually.

We lucked into meeting two fishermen, father and son. They set us up in their hut, gave us fresh water, and cooked us fish with wild onions. We threw so much gold at them to say thank you, but they're trying to refuse.

Tonight will be our first proper sleep in I don't know how long. Even if our hitpoints reset like we hope they will, we've already discussed staying here for a while. The fishermen offered us their boat for our trip back. It's what they use to travel to the hut, but it's basically a canoe. Not enough space for all six of us, and we refused their offer to take the boat for ourselves.

Most of us refused, rather. Horcus says we should always take items from NPCs if they offer them.

-The Journal of Laszlo the Paladin

***

"I'd like to meet Lord Blackwell's researchers," Fergus said, reading through a stack of notes and papers the nobleman had copied for the two scholars. The bounce of the carriage didn't bother Fergus. "At least two of these sites aren't known to the Royal Library, there are leads here on sites that we believed were only rumors, and there are four potential sites I'm seeing that were wholly unknown to us."

"A friend of mine in my world used to say, 'Revenue solves everything.'"

Fergus laughed. "Lord Blackwell does indeed have such revenue. I underestimated the private sector of research. Greatly. This couldn't have been cheap."

"So you're okay with this?"

Fergus hasn't looked up from the pages. "This one says it's near the elves. That's the other side of the world…"

"Is that a problem?"

"What?" Fergus just then remembered he was having a conversation. "Problem? Seeing an elven city would be a dream come true."

"Is elven wine good?'

Fergus laughed. "I have no idea! Isn't that wonderful?"

Wayne agreed that it was.

"And I have more dungeon crawls ahead of me. Who would have ever guessed I'd pick up that hobby at my age? I certainly didn't."

"Uhh."

Fergus' smile dropped. "What?"

"We got really lucky with the gargoyles," Wayne answered, gently. "They didn't hunt, they were relatively weak, and they were predictable. The boss though? We could have lost everyone there."

"You have your new Defense skill."

"Which might not be much for all we know." Wayne really wanted to say that bringing Fergus into more dungeons would be like escorting a level one character through random encounters. An aggressive toe stub could be the end of him.

"I'm not coming all this way to sit at an inn and wait for you to come home."

"That's not what I'm suggesting."

"I've been exercising, and I understand and accept the risks with a sound mind."

Wayne narrowed his eyes.

"The exercise part or the sound mind part?"

Wayne tried to suppress a smile but a curve cracked through. "The exercise."

"I'm serious."

"Fergus. This isn't–"

The old scholar raised a hand to stop Wayne. "Think on it. You can do me that."

"Deal."

If the danger was manageable, Wayne would much prefer Fergus' company to doing a crawl alone or with strangers. Of all the possibilities, however, he preferred to not see a friend die most of all.

But the journey to Caun would take six days, and two of those days would be slow and plodding as they crossed the mountains, giving Wayne plenty of time to think. Fergus was right that he could do that much for his friend.

As he had done on the ride to Teagaisg, Wayne used Probe as often as he could. He didn't see anything remarkable for the first two days. The slowly growing hills northwest of Teagaisg were filled with beautiful nature, but he only once saw a red dot on his HUD–a stray goblin in the forest, most likely. It never approached the road. If Wayne saw a patch of yellow on this trip, he resolved to simply note it and not jump off the carriage to go adventuring. The temptation would be strong, that was inevitable, but running around the mountains–the Breaker Mountains, especially–would just get him killed.

Going back with a qualified entourage was the only option.

The road through the mountains was a winding compromise with daunting peaks and precarious chasms. A straight shot through terrain like that just wasn't possible, which meant a bunch of overloaded wagons awful with making turns had to make dozens a day, often with a cliff edge right next door. At one point on the road, they had to unload several wagons to navigate a particularly gnarly pothole that was unavoidable for wagons of a certain width.

Camping in the mountains with so little space forced much of the caravan to sleep under their wagons at night. Wayne and Fergus slept in their carriage, curling their knees to their chests to fit on their cushy benches.

As the second night of camping in the mountains approached, the caravan came to a stop, which was not unusual given the state of the roads. Wayne continued reading a book on dwarven history specific to the Cuan region. They would start rolling again eventually.

A horse a dozen wagons ahead screeched in terror, the same shrill squeal that accompanied every horse that ever reared up in an Earth movie. Wayne didn't need to see it to picture it. Cries of alarm rippled down the wagon train, mixing human fear with animal to the point that telling the difference was difficult.

Wayne didn't need the danger to hit his carriage for him to get his sword. He heard too much panic to have any hope that they'd be moving again any time soon.

Probe.

He saw five red dots at the front of the caravan.

He paused to check with Fergus and cast Defense. An ethereal kite shield appeared in front of the old scholar, half submerged in the carriage floor.

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"I know. Don't die," Fergus said, giving Wayne a half-hearted goodbye wave.

The carriage door smashed against the side of the mountain, and wiggling out gave Wayne parking garage flashbacks. He had to turn sideways to get around the carriage and saw that he'd have to do the same to pass the many wagons between him and the source of the chaos. There wasn't enough time for that.

He climbed the wagon in front of him, hauling himself to the top of the crates with one strong pull on the ropes tying them down. His strength stat was awesome.

Blitz-Blitz-Blitz-Brake. Blitz-Blitz-Blitz-Brake.

Wayne stopped over a wagon packed tall with burlap sacks. The three inch drop from where he hit Brake to the uneven sacks below was enough for Wayne to slip. He fell to his side and landed on his shoulder, losing two hitpoints.

Seven wagons ahead, five ettins ransacked the caravan. The two-headed giants were three horses tall and wore mud-covered furs. The hair on their heads and faces was patchy, like they pulled their hair out instead of cutting it, and one head of two was always grunting, sometimes in staccato and sometimes in an unnervingly long groan.

The ettins yanked people and cargo out of wagons like they were picking flowers. One held an old man in his fist, sniffed him with one nose and then moved the prisoner over for the other head to sniff it too.

Both heads grimaced and the ettin tossed the old man over the edge of the mountain.

Skycat F-14XX buzzed at the ettin who discarded the man and fired a stream of BBs into one of its faces. When that head got covered with both hands, the tiny fighter plane shot at the other.

Missile.

Missile.

The next closest ettin lost one of its four eyes. The one behind it reacted quickly enough to block. The final two ettins, farther away and shielded by their brothers, bellowed with rage. One tried to push past the ettin with BBs in its face while another threw a soldier at Wayne. The man soared through the air, flailing and screaming as he went. The ettin overshot, however, and the man crashed into one of the wagons behind Wayne.

Wayne's original plan was to snipe the monsters from a distance, but that plan went to the recycle bin when he saw the ettins had the same idea, reaching for more human ammunition. A charged Sword of Water hit the wrist of one ettin, sparing the life of a wagon driver, but that was only one of ten arms.

Skycat flew back toward the battle, peppering its previous target in the back with BBs. The ettin ducked instinctively, the shift of its feet spraying rocks over the edge of the road.

Blitz-Blitz-Blitz.

Wayne spammed Missile at the same ettin when he stopped dashing, hoping to force the monster to step back and fall. The barrage tore a few pieces of flesh away, spraying blood each time, but the ettin held fast.

Then Skycat smashed into the back of one of its heads. The ettin swatted behind itself out of instinct. It stepped as it turned and found air where it expected land, tipping its body to that side. Both faces went through the same sequence of confusion, shock, and fear as the ettin disappeared over the edge.

As great as that outcome was, it was an accident. Wayne intended for Skycat to strafe by again to continue acting as a distraction, but he must have focused too much on the target of his Missile spam.

Oh well.

Wayne jumped off the wagon, landing on the mountain side of the road. This area was much wider than where his carriage was, making it one of the few places where five ettins could attack something together this high in the mountains.

He tapped Easy Out, shooting himself backward five feet. A wagon landed where he just stood, grain spilling out as it settled on its side. Wayne jumped over it with his sword charging and launched a ball of ice at the nearest ettin. It covered its face with its arms.

Blitz-Blitz-Blitz.

The ettin fell backward, gurgling. Wayne gripped his longsword tight, leaving it deep in the monster's chest to ride the monster to the ground. He yanked the sword free, a red outline appearing around the three enemies still standing.

One of the ettins stepped on a wagon to get closer to Wayne, pulling a hand back to prepare a heavy hammer fist. The axles snapped immediately, shooting splintered wheels toward Wayne as the wagon fell to the road. Wayne wasn't sure this would work, but he went for it.

He hit Blitz, stopping with an ettin foot right in front of him, toes at eye-level because of the wagon beneath them.

Urg.

Lifting living things with Urg didn't work, but lifting an object under a living thing did. The ettin flipped backward, spinning head over heels, all four of its eyes wide with horror as they went over the mountain edge.

Four fingers wrapped around Wayne's torso.

Shit.

He heard his ribs crack when it squeezed, dropping his hitpoints from 122 to 33. Before he could slam Fire a Broadside, Wayne heard a whistle blow like a basketball referee, somehow carrying the unique echo of an Earth gymnasium with it.

The grip released, and that same ettin covered its outer ears with its hands and pressed its heads together to protect the other two.

Was that the Personal Foul skill?

Wayne sliced through its right leg like it was a hotdog. He tapped Easy out to get a better angle and blasted each head with Missiles. The direct hits crumpled both faces like deflated basketballs, and the ettin went limp. Enraged, the last ettin charged, the ground shaking with every heavy step.

Nee-Nee-Nee-Nee.

The ettin tripped over the bushes. The obstacle wasn't enough to bring it down, but removing two heads with his sword finished it officially.

"Behind you!"

He spun to see the first ettin, pulling itself up, its three remaining eyes glaring at Wayne with endless hate. The Missile wounds on its forearms still sizzled as it threw a leg up over the ledge. Wayne crouched and lined up a crosshair.

Fire a Broadside.

The lead ball hit perfectly between the two heads, carving off half of each on the way through. The ettin fell again.

Wayne scanned his surroundings before sheathing his sword and looking for survivors.

***

One of the caravan leaders–a middle-aged man with the hard face of a cowboy–took over directing the triage and clean-up, telling Wayne to rest. Five travelers were dead. Three were unaccounted for but presumed dead.

"Ettins in the Breaker Mountains?" Fergus thought out loud as he knelt next to a dead ettin, inspecting its heads. "That's unusual. I don't recall them ever being sighted here."

"What does that mean?" Wayne asked, sitting for the first time since the battle ended, dreading the taste of the potion in his hand.

"Three possibilities: A tribe has lived in the mountains undetected, they migrated here, or the system attracted them. Hell of a walk to get from their native land to here, especially without anyone noticing."

"So they always lived here, but I'm not sure about the system influence."

Fergus shrugged. "Not terribly outlandish for ettins to stay hidden. Lots of space to hide, but why would they leave hiding all of a sudden? The Diary of the Gods seems like a good explanation to me."

"A lean hunting season, perhaps?" Wayne proposed. "Predators migrate if they're hungry."

"Possible."

Fergus looked at Wayne properly for the first time, pulling his attention away from the monster corpses. "You look like shit. Are you hurt?"

"I just need to sleep."

"Can I watch?"

Wayne glared at his friend.

"I want to see how the instant recovery works."

Someone yelled, asking if anyone knew healing or medicine. Wayne encouraged Fergus to go and help. He would be fine.

Fergus kicked an ettin head–for good luck, he said, which Wayne was mostly certain wasn't a thing–and went into the chaos of the wagons.

One of the caravan leaders approached. "Got something you should see, Wayne."

Ten minutes ago, he was just another traveler, mostly invisible. Now everyone here knew him by name.

He followed the man to the edge of the road and looked over, following the point of his finger. The two fallen ettins were down there. An ettin with a red outline twitched. No, not twitched. It was trying to pull itself up. Wayne had missed the red dot under an X again. The ratmen should have been enough to learn that lesson.

"Tough bastards," Wayne said, mildly impressed.

"Should we send some soldiers down to kill it?"

Wayne shook his head. "I got it."

"We're lucky to have you here."

Wayne underhand tossed a grapefruit-sized rock with the soft touch of a cornhole professional. And another. Maybe this one. Or this one…

He heard a dull thud, not the sharp sound of rock bouncing off rock. A second red X appeared and Wayne smiled. He had a new system notification to read.

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