Fall of Autumn, Week 5, Day 3

"You shouldn't call me that," I said tiredly. "Didn't we already establish we aren't that close?"

I kept my eyes focused on the distance, not turning to look at Theo.

It's a bit hypocritical of me to still call him Theo in my head, huh? I thought, reaching across the divide to find Eunora.

>Well, you already made a decision on what to do, didn't you?< She said lightly. >Besides, it's up to him now. That's what you chose after Raphael.<

It is, I sent to Eunora, a small smile forming on my face.

"Nora, even"—Theo's voice broke, no, it shattered—"if you hate me, you're still my sister."

I closed my eyes, listening as his steps grew closer. As his steps grew so close they were mere feet away and he came to a stop. I could hear his sharp breathing, the way he swallowed thickly, I could hear the thundering of his heart.

Turning around, I looked at Theo, with his red-rimmed eyes and his shaking hands, and I knew he was broken. Just in a different way than me.

"We could be, you know," I said, the judgment in my voice harsh and cold and everything it would need to be to get through to Theo.

"What?" He asked, his deep blue eyes shining with liquid.

"If you apologized. If you meant it. If you came here early, every Third Day, and you continued to mean it." I paused. "We could be closer."

I had made a decision.

For all the resentment I held, all the anger, all the hatred, it was mine. And I wanted to keep it. But Theo was the one to reach out his hand, even if it was a clumsy reach. Though I left his outstretched hand dangling, he came back. One, twice, thrice. Across a nation, he came back.

He was barely nine. And he came back.

"Do you mean that, Nora?" He asked, something guarded in his expression, something rough, something that said he had been hurt before and didn't want to be hurt again.

>Do you? Do you have it in you to forgive and forget? To let go of the anger you cling to for life?<

"I mean it," and when I spoke, I straightened my back, my expression growing hard. "But forgiveness is not free. And it does not come all at once. Healing is a journey like anything else, with ups and downs and sidetracks. I am not going to suddenly be your best friend—nor will you be mine. But, we could be more than we are."

I was still raw, still a bundle of empty tearducts. I didn't have it in me to cry another drop. Not after what Twilight both gave and took. Theo wasn't nearly so drained.

So, when the tears finally fell from his eyes, I wasn't as surprised as he was. Theo wiped harshly at the liquid, but his gaze didn't leave mine. It didn't falter, didn't hesitate.

It said, 'I see you.'

An ache spread through my chest.

Little Eunora had never received this. Had never been acknowledged or given the time of day. And that still filled me with indignation. With resignation at the inadequacy of the Dawns. But little Eunora and Eunora herself wanted to let Theo in. They wanted a brother more than they wanted the heat of my anger.

And so I spoke again.

"Apologize, but only if you mean it." I felt my power, my Divinity, leak out with my emotions. My yearning and desire. I wanted it so bad, for him to take the step. I wanted it more than I wanted air, or food, or to find the spirits.

I wanted to give this to the Eunoras in my head.

I wanted it.

I wanted it.

I want it.

And then arms were around me, and heads hit together gently, eyes meeting.

"I'm sorry, Nora. I'm sorry I made you a ghost. I'm sorry I took it away—all of it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you haunt our manor, unseen, and when you faded away, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Theo was speaking softly, he was speaking into my face, our gazes never breaking.

My throat was tightening, my shoulders shaking, I was crying too. I met Theo tear for tear, gripping him back, wrapping my arms around him. Controlling my strength but not stopping the grip from comforting me.

And so, we wailed and we clung to each other.

And I wished it had happened sooner. Long before I was cast out of the main estate. Long before I was useful. Long before I was strong.

But I knew, it was only because little Eunora was gone that she ever got the apology.

>And isn't that a bitter taste, indeed.< Eunora sighed, her voice hitching toward the end.

At her words I gripped Theo closer, banging our cheeks together.

"Okay," I said. It was all there was to say.

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So, I said it again.

"Okay, Theo."

We stood there, crying and wailing and gripping each other for an indiscriminate amount of time. Until my eyes were red from sobbing, and his voice was hoarse. Until my grip grew weak. Until we sank down, pressed up against a pillar, and settled down into the water lining the floor of Twilight.

After several long minutes, our legs and arms tangled, I finally spoke.

"Apology accepted."

There was more I could have said, more I could have told Theo. More conditions, more demands. But I didn't want that.

What I wanted was family.

Something like elsewhere.

Something that made me warm, even in the cold of winter.

And Theo could be that.

He could be a brother for the ages.

A [Young Lord of Protection] not just for himself, not just for strangers, but for me.

Because for all I remembered being a woman, being an adult, being more, I knew the truth.

I was a child, sad and hurt and in need of vast amounts of healing.

And maybe Theo could be a rock, could be a brother. Maybe he could be all the family I need.

"Nora," Theo said, his voice wobbling.

"[Young Lady of Darkness]." I said, voice warbling.

"What?" He said, pulling back slightly, but I leaned my shoulder closer to him.

"It's my Class. [Young Lady of Darkness]. Not weaving. Not Dawn. Just. Darkness."

Theo's body stiffened, and my gut sank. This is it. It's all he wanted. It was all just to know what my Class was. I pulled away, disappointment filling me as I wrapped my arms around my side.

"That's dangerous," Theo said roughly, cold seeping into his tone, but he reached his arm out and gripped me, pulling me back to him. "That means you are an uncontracted elementalist."

I paused, confusion filling me. It was as if Theo was concerned. But then, I realized, he was concerned.

"Yes? I've been told that before but—"

Theo shook his head, his face contorting. "But no one told you what it means. You go to the Tower in Fellan, right?"

When I nodded, he continued. "How many times have you been?"

"Once?"

Clicking his tongue, Theo's curls fell in front of his face before he flicked them back. "Then, of course, you don't know yet. [Mage Classes] are Uncommon and can typically only be gained at Tier 2, but [Elemental Classes] begin at Rare and only go up from there —and are typical of Tier 3 and above. Because to get an [Elemental Class], you have to have had enough education in magic to create a summoning circle and contact a spirit."

"Okay, I'm following, but—"

"But how does that matter? It matters because to have an inherent affinity is only possible if you've been exposed to the spirit before. And a Spirit of Darkness? That is rare for monsters, let alone a person. You're unique —in so many ways, Nora."

Theo paused, then his face crumpled all over again. "I'm sorry, but I'm so glad you're not close to the others. If anyone knew, it could be dangerous."

I paused, "Can you give me the real reason it's so dangerous?"

"Because uncontracted elementalists can create spirits with enough Divinity. And you had your Affirmation in Adeline —in front of a small crowd but a crowd nonetheless. A free roaming spirit can contract with others."

I sighed. "Can they be forced to do so?"

"A true Spirit of Darkness? No, probably not. They can simply fade away. A spirit of fire can simply become a dormant ember, air can jump on the wind, water can slip away. There are so few ways to contact a spirit or elemental, let alone force a contract."

I let relief fill me. "Then, I'll be fine. Don't worry too much. I work hard, both in Twilight and out of it. I'll protect myself and the spirits."

Theo shook his head. "The spirits will protect you, if you're ever able to summon—"

Freezing, Theo's eyes glowed a pale blue before he snapped his gaze to the door to the Fellan estate.

"You summoned them already."

I thought about denying it, about pulling away. Our trust was so new, so fragile. I didn't have to tell him anything at all.

"I did. Do you want to meet them? I bet you can speak with them through the door."

Theo blinked but didn't pull away, didn't move to get up.

"Maybe in a while."

It was all we said for a long time.

"I don't like him," Noir said lightly from behind the invisible barrier put up by Twilight.

Beside me, Theo flinched.

I laughed. "Noir, it's all right."

"Neither do I," Haze grumbled.

"Or me," Shade chirped.

"Oh dear," I huffed, looking at Theo out of the corner of my eye. Both our clothes were rumpled, both our eyes were surely red-rimmed, and both our hands were clasped tightly onto one another.

"I'm sorry," Theo blurted out. "I told Nora I was sorry. And I meant it."

Noir leaned forward, pressing his pitch black head up against the barrier. It caused the dim light in his eyes to spread and narrow.

"We'll see." Shade said from behind Noir, a jagged frown on her deep green face.

I smiled, looking over the spirits. Mine. Family and friend both. But they weren't of my blood. I couldn't fault the way they viewed the Dawns, though. Because, despite Theo, I had the same deep-seated distrust of the family.

One day, I would find out if the Dawns were simply born with the audacity they showed or grew into it.

"One day," Theo said sharply, his eyes hard and his hand shaking in mine, "I'll show you how much I meant my apology."

I laughed, a light, tinkling sound, and all four looked at me.

Theo, with wide eyes, and a bit of hurt. The three spirits with shock.

"I hope you do, Theo. I hope they grow to trust you and know they can rely on you."

I said it softly, a smile on my face, as I let go of Theo's hand and stepped over the threshold on the doorway.

I looked behind me, where Theo was standing, looking down at his palm.

"I'll see you soon, right?" I asked, reaching down to lift Noir to my hip.

"Every Third Day, at least—" Theo said, before biting his lip. "Until Spring."

I blinked.

"What happens in Spring?"

Theo took a long moment, closing and re-opening his hands, before finally looking back at me, meeting my gaze. Blue eyes to blue eyes.

"Mother is sending me to the Empire."

I froze.

"The Empire?"

Theo nodded, a look of distaste forming. "To become the Emperor Emeritus' apprentice. For who knows how long."

I grit my teeth. "So, we'll both be exiles, then."

"Like sister, like brother," was our final goodbye for the day.

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