Chapter 175: 52

"Zamiel." Heaven tried to call the Zamiel she knew because this wasn't him. 

He kept looking at her, now the storms in his eyes returning. He was angry again. 

"You stabbed them. You… you stabbed a child several times." 

"I am sorry." Heaven said. Even if it was a dream, it felt real to him and it must have been horrible to see her, the woman he loved, stabbing his family to death. 

He shut his eyes tightly and his hands clenched into fists. 

"Don't apologize." He said. "It's not your fault. It is mine." 

Opening his eyes, he turned away from her and went back to bed. He sat down and buried his face in his hands. 

Heaven just stood there for a while, looking at this troubled man. She didn't know what to do. She was still confused. 

Carefully she approached him, and as if he was afraid by her closeness he looked up quickly. Heaven halted.

"You probably have a lot to do. I don't want to distract you." He said, his voice returning to one she recognized, but his sudden change confused her. 

"Zamiel, are you alright?" She hurried to him. 

She crouched in front of him, resting her arms on his thighs while looking up at his face. 

He looked at her. "Look at me." He began. "Look. I told you, I have nothing good to offer you. I thought for a while I could do better, that I could be better for you but…" He shook his head as if disappointed with himself. "You should leave me while you can."

"Would you? Would you leave me if I was hurting?"

A frown settled on his face. "Never." 

"Then how do you expect me to leave you? Is it love if I only stay with you through good times? And…" She didn't even know where to begin to remove the bad thoughts from his mind. "Who said you have nothing to offer? You already offered a lot. Before you came, I was just a girl doing nothing with her life, with no courage or confidence to make a change. I was even thinking of marrying a stranger. You made me believe in myself, believe that I could make a change even if it was a small one. When I was close to giving up, you were there again to remind me I could do it. I am the person I am now because of you. You make me feel strong, wanted and needed. So I am going nowhere. Just like the way you encourage me when I am giving up, I'll be there to pull you back from the edge when you are about to fall. It's give and take." She smiled. 

He took her hands and made them stand up. Then he drew her into his arms and kissed her. It was a quick kiss, but he never kissed her like that before. He sucked the breath out of her lungs, leaving her weak and needy just to stop. Both took shallow, shaky breaths, but Heaven didn't want it to end yet. She wanted more.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him back with the same intensity. She felt her body tremble but ignored it. Lost in the heat, she could only focus on her body's urges. It scared her, but again she pushed it to the back of her mind. Her fingers entangled in his hair and she drew him closer. It was like she couldn't get enough. His warmth, his scent and his taste was addicting. 

Zamiel grabbed her arms and pulled away, "Heaven." But she didn't let him. She wasn't done yet, so she kissed him again. How could she get enough of this taste? The taste of… what was this taste? 

Blood?

"Heaven." He pulled her away and this time she let him. 

His lips were bleeding, and he had scratches on his neck. Heaven was shocked. Did she do this?

She felt something strange in her mouth. Her fangs. She had cut him with her fangs! 

When he saw the shocked look on her face, "it's alright." He told her. 

"No." She shook her head. "I did this." 

He was also bleeding from the scratched on his neck. It was her claws. 

"I am so sorry." She didn't know what to do. 

"It's nothing. Don't worry. It will he…" He stopped. 

Oh, no! Since she caused the injuries, he wouldn't heal fast. 

"I'll go wash up." He said. "Don't go. I'll be back." 

Even his teeth got stained by how much he was bleeding. 

Heaven wiped the blood from her own lips, then stood there frozen. What was she supposed to do? She had no control over herself. What was this feeling? 

Her legs could barely hold her up, so she sat down on his bed carefully. Her claws and fangs were still out. She wanted to scold them. Would she always be like this with Zamiel? Would she always hurt him? How could she control it?

She waited for Zamiel both worried and anxious. What was taking him so long? Was he alright? 

"Heaven." 

Heaven jumped out of bed with a shriek. Turning around, Zamiel was lying on the bed behind her. 

He smiled at her mischievously. "Now you don't have to feel guilty. I scared you. It's give and take." 

She couldn't help but smile at his ridiculous behavior, even though her heart was still racing. Looking at his lips, he wasn't bleeding anymore, but there were several visible cuts. He must have endured her brutal kissing for a while. And the scratched on his neck made her squeal inside. 

"Come!" He said, patting beside him on the bed. 

Heaven crawled up on and he lent her his arm to lie on. She felt her heart race lying next to him on his bed. 

"I am sorry." She said again. She couldn't help it. "But why is it you don't heal when I hurt you? Isn't it strange?" 

"I have been thinking about it." He said. "Created demons don't have a definitive way to die. Every created demon dies in a different way, and they have to find what it is that kills them. Therefore, created demons find it easier to go into slumber instead of dying because they would have to test different methods until they find the one that can kill them." He explained. 

"So are you saying I am the thing that can kill you?" She asked. 

"I believe so." He replied. 

"I shouldn't know this then." She said. 

"I trust you. If you one day decide to kill me I am sure I'll be deserving of it." 

Heaven shook her head. "Don't say that." She remembered the day he asked her to kill him. She never wanted to relive that moment. "That day will never come." 

Suddenly she thought of something and pushed herself up on an elbow. "Zamiel?" 

"Yes." 

"Could you show me? The things you have been through." She wanted to understand him better so she could help him. 

He shook his head, "No!" He said firmly. "I don't want you to ever see it or feel it." 

"But…" 

"No but…" He cut her off. "I won't." 

She sighed and laid her head on his arm again. She remembered the pieces she saw when he kissed her. That alone her made her stomach turn. She couldn't imagine what it would feel like to see it in her nightmares again and again, therefore she had to see it for herself, to at least understand a little. She would ask her grandmother for help. 

"Heaven, I just… I think it's enough me bearing those memories. There is no need to trouble yourself with them." 

"I understand." She said. 

"Do you want to talk about your friend now?" He asked.

"There is nothing much to say. He confessed his love, and I told him I had no feelings for him, so we stopped being friends."

He was quiet for a while, just like her mother. "Are you alright?" He finally asked. 

She shrugged. "I am fine." 

"It's alright not to be." He told her. 

Heaven looked up at him and frowned. "Shouldn't you be jealous?" She asked. 

She remembered when she met his friend Axia. Just knowing he had a female friend made her uneasy. 

He chuckled. "Do you want me to be jealous?" 

"Yes!" 

"Alright. I am jealous, but he means a lot to you. Doesn't he?"

Heaven nodded. "Yes. He was the only person in my age I could be with. My childhood was less lonely because of him. The day we became friends, I was so happy. It was slow at first, he was the smarter and calmer of us. He was better than me in fighting and learning. Then we grew and changed. He inherited his parents' good looks and got many friends outside. He started becoming less interested in lessons to eventually just stop coming. As we continued to grow he became this free person who just enjoyed life. And I became the opposite. Since 3 years back, all I could hear was marriage and taking responsibilities. Maybe that is when we started to grow apart. More than a friend who took me outside, at that moment I needed someone who listened and maybe he needed someone to enjoy life with him." 

Heaven smiled sadly while reflecting on their friendship. No matter what went wrong between them, she hoped the best for him. Maybe one day, after healing, they could be friends again. That is at least what she hoped. 

Now thinking about marriage, she found the reason to why she felt like she had to succeed to become a ruler. Her mother got married to her father whom she didn't even know when she was only seventeen and her whole life revolved around being prepared for that day. She knew many princesses and women went through the same thing. As a woman if she could take the first step to make a change, especially since she had the advantage of being a demon and a witch and because she had people supporting her, she could open possibilities for other women to find the courage and do the same.

Women shouldn't only be used as tools to trade for power. 

"What about you?" She asked. "Did you ever stop being friends with someone?" 

His expression changed as soon as she asked. He stared up at the ceiling and she felt his body tense. "Yes. She also confessed her love to me, and I denied her. So she locked me in a coffin." Despite his effort to sound calm, Heaven could hear the fury in his voice. 

"But you said a witch locked you inside?"

"Yes. My friend was a witch." He said. 

So after the death of his family, his friend betrayed him and locked him inside. It was like someone killing her family and then Zarin betraying her. No! That was too much. 

"Zamiel." Heaven sat up and turned to him. Now she wanted to have a serious talk. "You spoke about marriage once. Marrying me means having witches as family members."

"It means having a witch as my wife." He said. 

If they were to be honest, she was already his wife in the demon world. The mark faded, but the urge never disappeared, so their bond didn't break completely yet. 

The way her grandmother explained to her, breaking the bond was not as easy as only getting rid of the mark, since usually the mark faded after some time and had to be renewed from time to time. This didn't mean that the bond broke every time the mark faded, as long as the urge to renew it was still there. 

Since it is almost impossible to fight the urge to renew the mark, in most cases, the marking happened soon after the mark faded. But hers and Zamiel's case was different. She didn't understand how he was still able to fight the urge. Was it because he was ancient? 

"Yes. And it's good if you get to know my family. My mother wants to meet you." 

Before getting married, it would be good if her family and him got familiar with each other. 

He sat up, looking nervous. Heaven couldn't help to smile at his reaction.

"Don't worry. Just be yourself." She told him. 

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???? Two chapters long update. Hope you enjoy it. 

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