Chapter 165: 42

After watching the sunrise together, Zamiel took her back home. They arrived at her garden. Suddenly a sadness settled in his heart. He did not want to let go of the woman in his arms. The one who made him smile and comforted him today. The one who made him want to live. 

She was too good for him. He didn't deserve her. Yet he had awakened her demon. He was both happy and guilty about it. Happy because he was the one to awaken it, that her demon responded to his kiss with such intensity made his heart burst with joy. Guilty because now she would be restless and dealing with intense urges and emotions. And when he couldn't satisfy her urges, he shouldn't have awakened her demon. 

She looked up at him. Those emerald eyes, staring at him pleadingly. He already knew what she was going to say. She would tell him to stay. Now, with her demon awake, she would be even more stubborn.

He gazed down at her, waiting. Would she ask him to stay or would she refrain from it?

"Thank you for tonight." She smiled. 

He wanted to lean down and kiss her, but he didn't want to stir her demon. His was already restless enough. It did not help that she took good care of him or that she smelled so good. 

A frown settled on her face. "Will you go back to that dark house?" 

She didn't like the idea. It brought a smile to his face. "I am not staying there anymore." 

She pulled back from his hold but still held his hand. "Where are you staying?" 

"I'll show you next time." He promised. 

She tightened her hold on his hand. "I don't want to let you go." She admitted. 

Zamiel inhaled deeply to calm his demon down. Being ancient, he should be able to do it easily, but it was difficult to resist her, especially now when the urge to renew the mark was still there. 

"I don't want that either." 

Her face lit up. "Will I see you tomorrow then?" She shook her head and chuckled. "I mean today?" 

The longing in her eyes only added fire to his own. How was he to step away from her if she didn't choose him?

"Yes." He replied. 

Suddenly he sensed someone inside her room. It was her annoying friend. What was he doing in her room so early? 

Zamiel couldn't deny that he was curious about this friend of hers. He had come to her rescue twice, and Heaven seemed to care for him a lot. 

He wondered if he could be the one. 

When he sensed that he was about to leave the room and come to the garden, Zamiel drew Heaven into his arms. He leaned closer as if to kiss her. Would her friend stop them? 

"Heaven!" 

Heaven gasped, startled. She turned around. "Zarin. What…"

Her friend Zarin tried to keep a calm face, but Zamiel could see anger flashing through his eyes. 

He knew it. 

"I should leave." Zamiel spoke. 

Heaven turned back to him. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Get some sleep." He told her. 

She nodded. Then he turned to Zarin and flashed a smile to annoy him before disappearing.

When he arrived at his new home, he just took a moment to think about and enjoy the beautiful memories he created today. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he felt this happy. Even if this was to be temporary, he would enjoy it. 

He lay down on his bed, the joyful memories slowly getting swallowed by the painful ones. He remembered the day he asked Heaven to take his life. Despite knowing how selfish it was to ask such a thing, he couldn't help it. The pain and suffering was too much to bear, and he wanted to move on. 

He never thought he would still be alive. He had been so determined to end his life that day until he saw the pain in her eyes. Why would she care for someone like him? 

And when he kissed her goodbye. He could feel the suffering he was causing her. All hope vanished, thinking she wouldn't accept to kill him if it caused her so much pain. But to his surprise, she was willing to end his misery, even if it meant that she would suffer instead. 

Zamiel knew that day. She was indeed the one to save him. Not by killing him but by making him live. 

He went back home that day, still alive and utterly confused. Deep down, even though he had been denying it, he knew she was the one. The one his demon chose, his soul needed, and his heart desired. 

What was he supposed to do now? 

He felt unworthy of her and ashamed to go back to her after everything he did. 

What could a broken person like him offer her? 

As days went by he tried to convince himself not to see her, but soon he realized he wouldn't succeed. Instead, he decided to make an effort to be worthy of her. To let her choose if she wanted to be with him and for him to take the second chance he got. He wanted to give her even a fraction of the things she gave him. And if she didn't choose him at the end, he would be happy knowing that he got the chance to repay her for her kindness. 

Tonight she proved to him he could still be happy, but he also became afraid of losing that happiness. Still, he wanted her to make the choice that was best for her. To choose a man who could give her the world, not someone like him, afraid of something so simple as poison. 

Was that friend of hers, worthy of her? He seemed too protective for a friend, and Heaven seemed to care for him a lot. She had stabbed him for that friend's sake and he remembered the joy and worry in her eyes when she found out he came to rescue her. 

What was their relationship exactly? 

Zamiel didn't want to feel jealous. He wanted Heaven to choose the right person for herself. He wanted her to find someone better than him. Even if her demon had chosen him, her human side could still fall in love with someone else. Unless her human side also fell in love with him. 

If she had been fully demon, he wouldn't bother to let her find someone else. But human relationships were different and complicated. 

*******

"Zarin. What are you doing here so early?" Heaven asked. 

He didn't look happy, and she didn't expect him to be either, but she hoped he would understand. 

He took a deep breath as if trying to calm himself down. Then his shoulders dropped. It was as if he didn't know what to say or where to start. 

"Come." Heaven said, leading him inside. "What is wrong?" She asked. 

He sat down on the couch, looking defeated. He leaned his head back. "I don't know, Heaven. I just… hate to see you with him." 

Heaven sighed. After such a beautiful night, she didn't want it to end badly, so she kept quiet. She didn't want to argue. 

Suddenly he stood up. "I am sorry. I don't want to ruin your night. I just…" He looked deeply into her eyer. "I just want you to know I am here for you, still. I… I miss you, Heaven." 

He ran his fingers through his hair. He usually did that when he was disturbed or when he didn't know what to say. Heaven could see that he wanted to say something, but he was hesitating. 

"Heaven, I can be the man for you." He suddenly blurted. 

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