Chapter 26 – I Am Nothing….

ZhouXiang looked at the phone on the ground. He lowered his head and didn’t speak.

He didn’t want to argue with YanMingXiu, but he was also tired of explaining. Why did he have to suffer through this kind of skepticism for merely taking a drunk friend home? YanMingXiu’s strong-willed and arrogance is absolutely not something that is just a day or two, but it is particularly unbearable for him today. Perhaps it is because of the things that happened during the day that are still on his mind; YanMingXiu’s attitude, his eagerness in making it seem as though they have no connection. Even though he tried to find a number of reasons to explain it, it still made him feel chillingly cold.

When YanMingXiu saw that ZhouXiang wasn’t speaking, he got even angrier. His mind continuously conjured up WangYuDong’s lowly sigh and completely incomprehensible expression, questioning why he would get himself involve with someone like ZhouXiang.

That expression is like needles piercing him.

He started to be confused. Why is he with ZhouXiang? Is it only because he has a back silhouette similar to WangYuDong? Is it because WangYuDong is something he can’t have, so he could only find a substitute. When did he become so pitiful?

Although ZhouXiang is just a replacement, who had repeatedly told him that he likes him, he also broke their agreement behind his back (referring to ZhouXiang meeting Lan).

YanMingXiu had never been so humiliated. The furor within him surged. ZhouXiang’s silence did not diminish his anger a bit. On the contrary, this implied affirmation from his silence made him even more furious.

YanMingXiu lashed out fiercely, “Fucking talk! You promised me at the time that you won’t have any contact with him unless you ran into him in the company. Were you fucking shitting me? You even went to his home! He’s such a big star, why can’t anyone else take him home, why does it have to be you!?” At this moment, this is not just a matter with LanXiRong, YanMingXiu just really needed some reason to vent out his violent emotions.

ZhouXiang looked up, his face is no longer of his usual easy-going smiling self; he merely softly responded, “MingXiu, let’s stop quarrelling okay? I’m only taking a drunk person home, do you need to have this big of a reaction?” His voice is full of fatigue. The effort it took him to suppress the discontent in his heart is enough to drain all his energy.

YanMingXiu coldly retorted, ”You’ve already taken him to his home, why bother coming back? I’ve heard from people that the both of you use hang out together all the time. He can just casually to your home anytime. If it wasn’t because I am here, wouldn’t the two of you have continued on rekindling your loving relationship?”

The more YanMingXiu spoke, the more he felt like he was being an unreasonable asshole. But he couldn’t stop himself. He is like a bystander, looking on helplessly as his mouth spitted out these words. He didn’t know what he was thinking. Maybe he wanted to see ZhouXiang angry, maybe he just wants to rile up ZhouXiang’s temper. This person baffles him, making the distance between him and WangYuDong further and further apart. Even when WangYuDong saw them (YanMingXiu and ZhouXiang) hugging each other, and he obviously knew that there is no hope between him and WangYuDong, he never wanted WangYuDong to know about his and ZhouXiang’s matters. It made him angry, made him panic, made him want to immediately set things straight.

ZhouXiang suddenly stood up, his expression gloomy. “MingXiu, I don’t want to argue with you. Think about this yourself on whether you’re being reasonable or not. I’ll leave for the night.” He grabbed his jacket intending to leave, not wanting to stay for even another moment. The longer he stays, the more that he’s afraid he will…..

YanMingXiu gripped his shoulder and shoved him against the wall, looking at him viciously, “You dare to leave?” His astonishing strength is frightening; ZhouXiang could feel his shoulders bones shattering.

ZhouXiang gripped onto YanMingXiu’s arm and shouted, “Let go! When the fuck are you going to stop this shit!”

YanMingXiu was momentarily startled. The two had known each other for almost a year. ZhouXiang had never given him such attitude, let alone yell at him. YanMingXiu is so enraged that his hands are shaking.

As if it wasn’t enough that he was feeling unbearable in front of WangYuDong, now even ZhouXiang dared to anger him and over someone like LanXiRong, who looked like a girl!

He didn’t give much thought before slapping ZhouXiang in the face. His lips trembling, “You’re getting angry at me over him?”

ZhouXiang was slapped-stupid with this move, he looked at YanMingXiu in disbelief.

The saying goes, never hit someone on the face. This slap on the face is extremely insulting under the circumstances, as can be seen from ZhouXiang’s livid expression.

He immediately pushed YanMingXiu away and shouted, “When are you going to grow up! If I was really to have something going on with LanXiRong, would it have waited till now? How I, ZhouXiang, have been treating you, you really can’t see it? Not even having a bit of trust in me, are all my fucking efforts during this time for feeding a dog!”

“Are you regretting it? Regretted for not being with your sensible LanXiRong?”

“What does this have to do with him? There was never anything between us. All this is in your fucking mind. I also wanted to ask you, when we were both out on the balcony today, what the hell was that? You’re not even afraid of your parents knowing, but afraid of WangYuDong knowing? Are you that ashamed to be with me?” ZhouXiang unleashed everything that had been suppressing his heart, feeling a sense of relief. But looking at YanMingXiu’s unsightly face, his heart dully ached. He didn’t know if this would be the end between him and YanMingXiu. They have been together for this long and have never had any arguments so there was no way for him to even predict the consequences of such a dispute.

Just when ZhouXiang mentioned WangYuDong, YanMingXiu’s entire person felt like exploding, his expression chilling as he pointed at ZhouXiang’s nose, shouting, “My business is not for you to talk about, who the fuck do you think you are!”

ZhouXiang’s lips tremble. He wanted to refute, but his heart seems to be caught by something, so he couldn’t say it.

YanMingXiu have all these expectations of him, although it all seems to be very immature but he wanted YanMingXiu to care about him. However, even at this point, he is still not qualified to question YanMingXiu’s way of doing things.

After being together for nearly a year, this is the first time this serious contradiction is presented so clearly in front of ZhouXiang, so much that even though he wanted to evade, it’s now impossible for him to turn a blind eye.

Because YanMingXiu is so merciless.

Having been together for this long, ZhouXiang thought they were on the right track. But in the end, it was all his delusion. YanMingXiu is too proud and too arrogant. Is everything that he had done still not enough?

ZhouXiang didn’t want to continue arguing anymore; otherwise it would get even uglier later on.

He nodded, “I, ZhouXiang, is nothing.” He pulled away YanMingXiu’s hand that was gripping onto his arm, then grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

He had completely forgotten that this is actually his home. In fact, he had long ago also thought of this as YanMingXiu’s home as well. But now, it is full of disappointment and sadness, he really can’t make himself stay any longer.

YanMingXiu felt his empty palm as he looked at ZhouXiang’s back. He couldn’t bear to see him leaving just like that. He rushed over and grabbed ZhouXiang, “Where the fuck are you going?”

ZhouXiang faintly responded, “MingXiu, I can’t control you, but you also can’t control me. Your double standards can’t be that serious.” He pushed YanMingXiu away and left without turning back.

YanMingXiu looked at the completely empty corridor, only feeling the cold breeze wheezing by, tearing his skin.

ZhouXiang drove around the city aimlessly, having nowhere to go.

If it was before, he would definitely not hesitate to go to CaiWei’s home, be it a bed or couch; he just needed a place to sleep for a night.

However, CaiWei has a family now and his wife is pregnant. ZhouXiang can’t be that insensitive as to go there to disturb their tranquility. When a person forms a family, it would seem like he’s being wrapped in an invisible film, no longer belonging to himself, and of course, no longer belonging to friends. Gradually, the times that ZhouXiang and CaiWei got together are fewer and fewer. ZhouXiang will no longer just freely call CaiWei in the middle of the night to tell him to get up to play games.

As the friends around him gradually have their own lives, ZhouXiang felt even more and more lonely. It was if the people around him are disappearing one by one, leaving only him alone.

He also wanted to have a family, wanted to get married, but he lacked the conditions (as he’s gay.)

Maybe because after the age of 30, with many of his friends already married or have an established career, people would naturally have the mind of wanting to belong. Even without anyone’s urging, he inevitably also felt a bit anxious. But finding a man to settle down is too hard. Obviously, he knew that YanMingXiu is not that person but he really likes him. He just wants to… just want to gamble this once, to try so he won’t regret later on.

He always felt that he had done quite well. But today’s matters clearly showed him how much all his efforts was worth.

This is too painful. ZhouXiang didn’t know what to do.

End of the Chapter

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